Like brutal Battle of Stalingrad, each new Commie Football season is war of attrition. Superior schedule matrix is meaning no team is ever playing weak, cupcake opponent from lower-tier school! And when is team enjoying relaxing, lazy American tradition of “bye week” during season? NEVER! Each game is yet one battle in vicious, season-long war! Is impossible to win all! Only very strongest teams from each District is winning enough to advance to playoffs, and there must fight to death, four more strong opponents on path to eternal championship glory!
Following relegation after bad 2012 season on Tier 1 level, Southern Miss Eagles is landing in same division as Tulane Green Wave. Tulane is easy crushing Eagles in both 2013 and 2014 regular seasons. But now, is 2015. Tulane is moving to new District during off-season realignment, allowing Golden Eagles to gain strength enough to finally defeat rival Green Wave in Week 11 victory.
This week, is rematch of brutal enemies. Could Southern Miss again defeat Green Wave of Tulane? You are knowing this, now.
Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 44, Tulane 26
Notes: Like powerful-yet-lightweight paper towel (invention of Soviet science during Great Patriotic War) Southern Miss (14-1, #1) is fully absorbing Green Wave of Tulane, like scum from surface of stagnant ozero, and then wringing out, into backyard stochnaya truba, to eliminate from 2015 Tier 2 championship chase! Tulane (10-5, #8) is having good season, even better than 2014, but is perhaps already expending too much of own wave energy during upset defeat of Georgia Southern last week. Next question is this – can Southern Miss Eagles fulfill destiny and win Tier 2 championship game next week?
Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 34, Toledo 33
Notes: Like true warriors of ancient Sparta, where every citizen is member of military, Spartans of San Jose State (13-2, #2) is making successful invasion of enemy Ohio SSR territory, winning difficult victory by single point of spear, to advance to championship game and eternal glory, maybe! SJSU is having almost as powerful offense (#4 rank) as Southern Miss (#1), but Spartans defense (#40) is superior to USM (#54). Can San Jose State rise up to fight greatest battle of season versus powerful Southern Miss, or will Spartans experience another Battle of Leuctra?
WHO IS WINNING FINAL BATTLE OF 2015 SEASON? WILL EAGLE FLY HIGH IN SKY, OR WILL SPARTAN IMPALE WITH SPEAR?
On one hand, eagle is having very sharp talons, for ripping and shredding meat of prey. Attack is coming swift from above, tearing into critical areas, such as eyes, and brain. Once prey is on ground, eagle is then striking with sharp beak into chest, ripping out heart and eating in view of victim, who is yet breathing and conscious for many seconds.
On other hand, Spartan warrior is mindless machine of killing, training from very young age how to throw spear with great accuracy, and use sword to impale enemy, without mercy or hesitation. If bleeding victim is then begging for mercy, Spartan is immediately thrusting sword again through heart and/or brain, to ensure quick death. Then Spartan is searching for next enemy victim.
You are thinking that Alabama Crimson Tide is winning national championship game over Clemson to finish exciting 2015 season?
NYET! This is incorrect. In truth, inferior College Football Playoff is mere “warming up” to primary event – Commie Football Playoff! And in world of Commie Football, Crimson Tide is not making playoffs, due to second-place finish behind Ole Miss in District 4 West standings. For first time since 2012 season, is impossible for having exact same Commie Football champion… as in corrupt NCAA system.
Why is this? In inferior CFP system, to determine champion is only tiny, 4-team playoff. Commie Football is making strong argument in vintage blog post for expansion of college football playoff to include more teams. This plan is requiring improved organization and schedule formula to make fair for all college football teams. Only then, can fans of winning team enjoy moment of true, pure ekstaz of champion, before return to work in mining operation, munitions factory, or agricultural collective.
In processor of Commie Football supercomputer, is 16 teams now in hunt for eternal championship glory! Two representatives from each 8 geographic Districts compete in first round of playoffs (which is District Championship game).
Behold! You are now seeing Round 1 results of 2015 playoffs:
Location: East Rutherford, NJ
Final Score: West Virginia 26, Connecticut 24
Notes: Is successful season already for mediocre Mountaineers, who is finally seizing South division title from usual winner Penn State in final week of regular season. Now seeking revenge against Huskies due to embarrassing 37-19 loss in Week Five, WVU is proving to UConn (and entire world!) who is new czar of District 1. Is true, District 1 is historical weak district. Mountaineers is now winning five games consecutive, but is facing most difficult test in Round 2 playoff game vs. powerful Fighting Irish of Notre Dame (of District 5).
Location: Charlotte, NC
Final Score: Clemson 43, Duke 24
Notes: Tigers is defeating Duke for second time this season (first victory was Week Ten), climbing now to top ten Top Power ranking for first time in entire season. In world of Commie Football, Clemson offense/defense rank is unimpressive, but Tigers is winning games when is critical for advancement, so is now on to Round 2 of of playoffs vs. Ole Miss Rebels (of District 4).
Location: Nashville, TN
Final Score: Memphis 26, Michigan 25
Notes: Clemson is not only Tiger in playoff, as miracle Memphis Tigers is surprising world again, defeating Michigan for second time in season (also Week Six) to complete glorious rise to top of District 3. How is happen? #9-rank offense of Tigers is proving superior to #9-rank defense of Wolverines, by only one point. For Michigan, humiliation is great – Wolverines were #1 Top Power rank for two weeks early in season, but now is return home to Michigan SSR with wolverine claws ripped out of paw, like common only-in-house-living kitten. But celebration in Memphis is brief, for Tigers is now to face #1 Top Power rank Oklahoma Sooners (of District 6) in Round 2.
Location: Tampa, FL
Final Score: Ole Miss 37, South Florida 26
Notes: Rebels of Ole Miss is now winning second District 4 championship, consecutive. Is this true upset victory? Da, USF is having higher Top Power rank before game, and da, Bulls is already defeating Ole Miss in Week Ten. But USF schedule is soft, like warm, spreading maslo! Ole Miss, despite unusual losses to USF, Miami, and Arkansas during regular season, is playing schedule of defending division champion, which is making better prepared for ultimate playoff battle! Round 2 is bringing Clemson Tigers (of District 2) into arena!
Location: Chicago, IL
Final Score: Notre Dame 27, Iowa 25
Notes: After loss to Wisconsin in District 5 Championship last season, Hawkeyes is raising new expectation of fans, losing only one game during 2015 regular season. Notre Dame is also losing in first round, District 3 championship last season. But Week Five victory vs. Iowa, who is playing weak schedule, is now proving prophecy, when Fighting Irish is now seizing District 5 championship game! With good offense (#19) and defense (#17) balance, Irish is proving too steady, like Soviet ballistic missile, for #8-defense of Iowa, who is returning players to off-season labor in massive corn-processing collective. Notre Dame is advancing to Round 2 of playoffs vs. West Virginia Mountaineers (of District 1).
Location: Dallas, TX
Final Score: Oklahoma 35, Houston 23
Notes: Top-rank Sooners is having much experience of playoffs, winning District 7 championship last season. Oklahoma is now boasting of title in new district (due to realignment in off-season), following easy victory vs. Cougars of Houston. With #1-offense on Tier 1, Sooners is now #1 Top Power rank for five weeks, consecutive. Only imperfection during season is Week Two loss to rival Oklahoma State, but Cowboys is losing division race and is missing playoffs. One time climbing to #10 Top Power rank, Houston Cougars is losing three of final four games, including in Week Ten already to OU, as well as lowly UTEP in Week Twelve! Sooners is now facing feisty Memphis Tigers (of District 3) in Round 2… who is having history of shocking upset victories.
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Utah 31, Air Force 23
Notes: With now six-game win streak, Utah Utes is finally climbing to #10 Top Power rank, to accompany #10-defense rank. But, Utes is also playing very weak schedule – is this mask of weakness? Utah fans will know after Round 2 playoff game vs. USC Trojans (of District 8). For Air Force Falcons, is yet feeling of honor to be champion of weak South division. Highlight of season is upset victory over then-#9 Top Power rank Washington Huskies in Week 8.
Location: San Jose, CA
Final Score: USC 36, Washington 21
Notes: In competitive Week Six game, unbeaten Washington is defeating USC, but now in District 8 Championship, Trojans is tasting revenge! Finally, is erase bad memory of losing to Oregon last season in title game! Trojans is building steam cloud, like locomotive, all season with #6-rank offense and difficult schedule. For Washington, is much frustration as very good Huskies offense (#14) and defense (#13) is now only to work in off-season log-cutting factory. USC is facing Utah Utes (of District 7) in Round 2 of playoff.
IS NATURAL TO WANT MORE. BUT ROUND 1 IS NOT YET FINISH!
In one day, perhaps two – after I am finding passcode to open lock on interrogation chamber where Bobby and Intern Kyle is trapped – Commie Football supercomputer is calculating first round of Tier 2 playoffs, which is identical in organization to Tier 1.
Next week is results for Round 2 of playoffs (both Tier 1 and 2) when advancing teams is seeded 1-to-8, based on most recent Top Power rank. Highest-seed team is playing lowest-seed team, like common-sense tournament. As tribute to ancient era, seven remaining playoff games is played in traditional bowl game location: [from east to west: Orange (Florida SSR), Peach (Georgia SSR), Sugar (Louisiana SSR), Cotton (Texas SSR), Fiesta (Arizona SSR), Rose (California SSR), and Aloha (Hawaii SSR)]. Higher-seed team in matchup is choosing location for each game.
Here is Round 2 schedule (for Tier 1):
- (1) Oklahoma (12-1, #1) vs. (8) Memphis (9-4, #15) – Cotton Bowl
- (2) Notre Dame (10-3, #3) vs. (7) West Virginia (9-4, #14) – Orange Bowl
- (3) USC (10-3, #4) vs. (6) Utah (10-3, #9) – Rose Bowl
- (4) Ole Miss (10-3, #5) vs. (5) Clemson (10-3, #8) – Sugar Bowl
Sooners is choosing to make shortest trip, only to Dallas in Texas SSR, but is also not far for Memphis Tigers. If leaving today by wagon, team will arrive in time for game. Bowls of Peach, Aloha, and Fiesta is remaining playoff game locations.
REGULAR SEASON IS FINISH
Upon completion of exciting Week 12 schedule, 2015 Commie Football regular season is reaching conclusion. Every fan is now restless with anticipation for Commie Football playoff, when 16 teams is entering tournament to determine true champion of American college football.
Is seeming only short time ago when Buckeyes of Ohio State is defeating Oregon Ducks 42-20 for 2014 championship (da, final result is same as in CFP system). In final week of 2015 regular season, defending champion Ohio State (8-4, #17 rank) is demonstrating difficulty of championship repeat, as Buckeyes is falling to Michigan State Spartans (9-3, #11) by 34-29 score, which is cruel to both, as this result is handing District 3 North division title to hated Michigan Wolverines (9-3, #10)!
Commie Football is world in which superior organization and schedule is producing interesting, unexpected result! Entire realm of American college football can only guess who new, true champion will become!
In meanwhile, drama in District 6 is reaching resolution, as top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners (11-1, #1) is making fresh farsh of little brother Tulsa Golden Hurricane (3-9) in 63-22 victory, to claim North division title over Oklahoma State Cowboys (10-2, #4), and for this reward – an invitation to District 6 Championship game against South division champion, Houston Cougars (8-4, #23).
At this time, you are forgetting about 80 teams not making to playoffs. Teams is now dead, like Trotsky! Think as if these teams is never existing, like American sasquatch (this is not same as yeti of Siberia, which is true living there). Is never too many bowl games with losing-record teams and corporation sponsor named after fruit!
YOU ARE READY FOR TRUE, BEST PLAYOFF SYSTEM, DA?
In korrumpirovanny College Football Playoff system, true opportunity for championship glory is for four teams, only. Teams is winning popularity beauty contest, ruled by alluring Condoleezza Rice. Many is killing and dying in argument over who is 4th best team in country! In superior Commie Football playoff system, is 16 TEAMS in hunt for title! And best yet, because of system of geographic Districts, football fans in every corner of country is having nearby hound in championship hunt!
Here is quick review of Commie Football playoff:
- 16 teams (from each Tier) is making to Round 1. Division winners is facing other Division winner from same District in District Championship game.
- In Round 2, eight District Champions is playing one another in seeded, single-elimination tournament to determine new champion.
- Round 3, is four teams left.
- National Championship Game
Is best system to find true champion! All must travel difficult 16-game schedule (12 regular season, then four playoff rounds) to seek ultimate championship glory!
CONTENDERS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY
Here is information for which all college football fans is waiting with much patience. All Tier 1 division winner teams is traveling to District Championship Game (a.k.a. Round 1 of Commie Football playoffs):
- District 1: Connecticut Huskies (8-4, #27) vs. West Virginia Mountaineers (8-4, #21) – In weak District 1, mediocre 8-4 record is enough to win both division titles! UConn is previous defeating WVU 37-19 long time ago in Week Five, but is now lower in Top Power ranking, with very bad 71st rank offense! But, is ferocious 3rd rank defense carrying Huskies into playoffs. WVU is flying below national radar, like MiG fighter jet, but is ending season with 4-game win streak, including high-pressure final week 43-11 defeat of Penn State (7-5) to seize division!
- District 2: Duke Blue Devils (9-3, #14) vs. Clemson Tigers (9-3, #13) – Duke is winning final two games of regular season to remain one step ahead of North Carolina Tar Heels (8-4, #18) in standings, despite mediocre, 51st rank offense. Who is responsible for Blue Devils most recent loss? Why, is Clemson in Week Ten! Tigers is also possessing unexciting offense (47th) and defense (27th) output, but is playing overall more difficult schedule than Duke, requiring three victories at end of season to remain ahead of surprise sweetheart of America team, Appalachian State (8-4, #30)!
- District 3: Michigan Wolverines (9-3, #10) vs. Memphis Tigers (8-4, #26) – Wolverines was #1 Top Power rank team for two weeks consecutive early in season, but is then making stumbles, including losses to Indiana Hoosiers (7-5), Ohio State (8-4), and opponent in championship, Memphis Tigers in Week Six. Tigers is clinching weak South division early on strength of lightning, 9th rank offense, despite strange losses to weak teams such as Vanderbilt (5-7) and Louisiana Tech (5-7).
- District 4: South Florida Bulls (10-2, #3) vs. Ole Miss Rebels (9-3, #7) – Miracle USF is perhaps most surprise team of season. With good-enough offense (25th) and strong defense (10th), Bulls is going 4-1 in loaded East division, losing only to Florida State (8-4, #15) in entire District! This is including Week Ten victory over Ole Miss, who is making return appearance to playoffs. Defense (24th) is perhaps not as good as last season, but offense (16th) is making pleasant humming sound, winning division on strength of Week Two victory over Crimson Tide of Alabama (9-3, #8).
- District 5: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (9-3, #5) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes (11-1, #2) – First season in new district is lucky for Irish, who is falling no lower than #18 Top Power rank during entire season, clinching division early so that 35-28 loss to Wisconsin Badgers (8-4, #16) in final game of season is of no importance. Good balance of offense (17th) and defense (15th), and very difficult schedule is making Irish true contender. Hawkeyes is making return to playoffs, this time as top contender with very strong defense (5th), losing only one game in Week Five to… uh oh, it was to Irish!
- District 6: Oklahoma Sooners (11-1, #1) vs. Houston Cougars (8-4, #23) – Sooners is making return appearance to playoffs, but from different District. Top-rank offense is ensuring many victories with 46 points/game on average. Only loss is in Week Two to “Bedlam” rival Oklahoma State (10-2, #4), who is sad staying home. Houston is losing first two games of season, then exploding with 6th rank offense to win four games in division, including Baylor Bears (7-5). Close Week Ten loss to Oklahoma is giving Cougars hope of victory on second attempt!
- District 7: Utah Utes (9-3, #12) vs. Air Force Falcons (8-4, #29) – 12th rank defense of Utah is smothering opponents as Utah is winning final five games of season. But this is first meeting of season with Air Force, who is surprise champion of weak South division, playing steady for most part except in embarrassing 71-31 loss to Texas Tech (5-7) in final game of season. How is this score possible for playoff team?
- District 8: Washington Huskies (9-3, #9) vs. USC Trojans (9-3, #6) – Huskies is having very powerful offense (13th) and defense (11th), defeating USC in Week Six, but then experiencing strange mid-season spell of losing immediately after. Trojans is requiring dramatic final week victory over Stanford Cardinal (8-4, #19) to take South division and return to playoffs.
Later in week is official revealing of all 16 Tier 2 playoff teams. (In meantime, here is hint – Week 12 standings, scoreboard, and Top Power rankings is providing necessary information to know ultimate fate of Tier 2 regular season and playoff lineup. Please keep as secret.)