Week 12: What is at End of Rainbow?

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Famous poet from Ireland SSR, Sinead of Konnor, is releasing new beautiful music record with hit song "Nothing is Comparing 2 #1 Top Power Rank".

Famous poet from Ireland SSR, Sinead of Konnor, is releasing new beautiful music record with hit song “Nothing is Comparing 2 #1 Top Power Rank”. Is especially very popular song in Indiana SSR, home of Notre Dame Fighting Irish. However, in other District 3 cities such as Ann Arbor, Columbus, and Bloomington, this song is causing much violence in streets.

Is old saying in Russia: “Kogda vse delayut veseloy vecherinki, vremya letit bystro, kak bystrogo Yastrebu, okhota, ubiystvo, i potroshit’ obshchiy zyablik po svezhemu snegu ledyanoy tundre.”

Translation is difficult, but here I am trying: When everyone is making fun party, time is flying fast, like swift sparrowhawk, hunting, killing, and disemboweling common finch on fresh snow of icy tundra.” 

Is sad that end of 2014 Commie Football regular season is now (you see Week 12 scores at this link). Is seeming only yesterday when Seminoles of Florida State is defeating Oregon Ducks 32-31 for 2013 championship. In final week of 2014 regular season, defending champion FSU is rising to difficult challenge, defeating Auburn 17-16 to steal away District 4 East title, and make return trip to playoffs. Will world crown fresh, new American college football champion, or boring, repeat champion from previous season?

In meanwhile, top-ranked Ole Miss (10-2), already with invite to playoff in pocket, is suffering deep humiliation of 41-0 crushing defeat to rival Mississippi State Bulldogs (9-3), who is making world think MSU is now true strongest team in District 4 West! But is too bad about Week 10 upset loss to UCF, so izvinite Bulldogs, season of clanging cowbell is now over. Many teams is sinking into off-season obscurity, like Dmitry Medvedev after Vladimir Putin is becoming Soviet Premier.


In smeshnoy College Football Playoff system, by middle of November is only five, perhaps six teams with true chance of national championship glory. Everyone is arguing about who is 4th best team in country, and too many teams from old SEC conference is making playoff! In new Commie Football playoff system, is 16 TEAMS in hunt for title! And best yet, because of system of geographic Districts, football fans in every corner of country is having nearby team in championship hunt!

Here is quick review of Commie Football playoff:

  1. 16 teams (from each Tier) is making to Round 1. Division winners is facing other Division winner from same District in District Championship game.
  2. In Round 2, eight District Champions is playing one another in seeded, single-elimination tournament to determine new champion.
  3. Round 3, is four teams left.
  4. National Championship Game
Soviet official Dmitry Medvedev is feeling surprise that Mississippi State Bulldogs is not receiving invitation to playoffs after defeat of hated rival Ole Miss.

Soviet official Dmitry Medvedev is feeling surprise that Mississippi State Bulldogs is not receiving invitation to playoffs after defeat of hated rival Ole Miss.

Is best system to find true champion, who is traveling difficult 16-game schedule (12 regular season, plus four playoff rounds) to seek ultimate glory of champion.

You, like other ignorant American Intern Bobby, is maybe asking – “Seriously, are these 16 teams like, really the very, *very* best teams in college football this season? I mean – I’m not saying, but I’m just saying that Georgia’s ranked #10? And like, Iowa isn’t even ranked? Temple may be 10-2, but they seem a lot weaker than Auburn, who only didn’t make it ‘cuz there happens to be an even *better* team in their division, you know?”

Ostanovka! For this remark, I am making Bobby scrape every inch of fresh hide of dead bear, to remove all hair and bits of skin and fat! If team is not good enough to win six-team division, then is not good enough for Commie Football playoff!* Is not fault of Temple Owls to be playing in weak District 1 North division! Playoff invitation is only for division champion!

*Only exception is if no team from division is having winning 7-5 record or better. If all teams in division is 6-6 or worse record, then second-place team from opposite division is representing district. If no other 7-5 or better team is playing in entire district, then team with greatest Top Power rank who is not already in playoffs, is receiving invitation instead.




District 1:

District 2:

District 3:

District 4:

District 5:

District 6:

District 7:

District 8:
ORE vs.

Now, here is information for which all football fans is waiting with patience. Is all Tier 1 teams who is winning division, and making to District Championship Game (also known as Round 1 of Commie Football playoffs):

  • District 1: Temple Owls (10-2, #9) vs. Penn State Nittany Lions (9-3, #14) – Old rivals from Pennsylvania SSR, Owls and Nittany Lions did not play during regular season. Temple is having second-best defense in Tier 1. PSU is playing much more difficult schedule than Owls, and is earning playoff berth due to Week Three victory over WVU (9-3, #19), who is blowing division lead for much of season when losing final two games to allow Penn State to catch!
  • District 2: East Carolina Pirates (9-3, #16) vs. Tennessee Volunteers (9-3, #18) – ECU is sprinting ahead of weak North division during 7-game win streak with 6th best offense, but is overall very weak schedule. Vols is winning South division with dramatic 24-23 shock victory over Georgia Bulldogs (9-3, #10) in last game of regular season, but is also unimpressive schedule.
  • District 3: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (11-1, #1) vs. Ohio State Buckeyes (10-2, #4) – Irish is only team finishing regular season with 11 wins, and is scoring most points on Tier 1, but is also having weakest schedule. Only loss is to Louisville (6-6) in Week 10. Who is having second-best offense (and second-weakest schedule) in Tier 1? Can you believe it, OSU! Can District 3 champion compete with big boy from stronger District?
  • District 4: Florida State Seminoles (10-2, #5) vs. Ole Miss Rebels (10-2, #6) – FSU is seizing division title and playoff spot from Auburn (9-3, #15) in dramatic 18-17 victory in final regular season game. Noles is also playing very difficult schedule of defending champion! Ole Miss is having best defense in Tier 1, and is clinching division two weeks ago after 18-17 victory over Noles, but is laying giant egg in Egg Bowl rivalry game vs. bitter Mississippi State (9-3, #12) in final week of season. Is bad omen for rematch?
  • District 5: Wisconsin Badgers (8-4, #22) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4, unranked) – Badgers is making 3rd consecutive appearance in District 5 Championship, winning North division based on head-to-head victories vs. both Northwestern and Golden Gophers of Minnesota, and strong defense. Iowa is beating Mizzou in Week Nine, and so is winning playoff tiebreaker in tight South division.
  • District 6: Arkansas Razorbacks (10-2, #7) vs. TCU Horned Frogs (10-2, #3) – With rival LSU (6-6) having bad season, Razorbacks is clinching easy East division weeks ago. TCU is winning difficult West division only this week, with third-best offense and #10 defense. And yet, it was Arkansas beating Horned Frogs 36-32 in Week Five.
  • District 7: Oklahoma Sooners (8-4, #25) vs. BYU Cougars (8-4, #23) – Sooners is having good offense, and winning South division tiebreaker with victories over both Arizona Wildcats and Arizona State Sun Devils. BYU is slightly better rank on both offense and defense, but is needing dramatic 25-15 victory over Boise State (8-4) in final game of regular season to win North division.
  • District 8: Oregon Ducks (10-2, #2) vs. USC Trojans (10-2, #8) – Explosive Ducks is suffering early season loss to Cal (9-3, #17), but is laughing as Golden Bears is losing two of final four games to waste advantage in standings. Oregon is playing one of most difficult schedules in country. USC is clinching South division one week ago, but is then playing like pee-wee team in 34-17 loss to weak San Diego State Aztecs (5-7). Maybe resting starting players for playoffs?

Later in week is official reveal of all 16 Tier 2 playoff teams. (In meantime, here is hint – Week 12 standings, scoreboard, and Top Power rankings is providing necessary information to know ultimate fate of Tier 2 regular season and playoff lineup. Please keep as secret.)

Week 11: Is Resurrection of Ole Miss

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Holy legend of Mississippi SSR is telling of resurrection of Rebels leader Colonel Reb.

Popular legend in Mississippi SSR is telling of resurrection of holy figure Colonel Reb, after one fortnight of capture, torture, dismemberment, and ritual burial in city of Memphis, Tennessee SSR. Many modern Soviet scholars is thinking this is perhaps local folk tale confused with American legend of Elvis, who is also from city of Memphis and is not truly dead, instead living life of luxury outside Moscow.

Reign of Buckeye nut is lasting only short as reign of Fighting Irish! After 27-22 upset loss in Week 11 to old rival Penn State (8-3, #17 rank), Ohio State (9-2, #6) is dropping like common hazelnut from #1 Top Power rank down to #6.

This is clearing way for return of Ole Miss Rebels (10-1) to top ranking. You are remembering only two short weeks prior, Rebels is suffering embarrassing upset loss to Memphis Tigers. But since this dark day, Ole Miss is winning two difficult games: 18-17 vs. FSU (9-2, #7) and most important, with 25-6 victory vs. LSU (6-5) in Week 11, Ole Miss is clinching playoff spot in difficult District 4 West (see Playoff Tracker below).

With only one week remaining in regular season, is still 8 of 16 playoff spots up for grabbing! Here is good look at hot playoff races:


District 1:TEMP vs. South Champ
District 2:ECU vs. South Champ
District 3:ND vs. OHSU
District 4:East Champ vs. MISS
District 5:WISC vs. South Champ
District 6:ARK vs. West Champ
District 7:South Champ
vs. North Champ
District 8:North Champ vs.
  • District 1 is having reputation for weakness, and here is why. Having already clinched North division, Temple Owls (9-2, #12 rank) is now playing like lenivyy American “slacker” from early 1990s, losing 22-13 to Bulls of USF (5-6). In South division, West Virginia (9-2, #13) is also making mess, losing 35-21 to little brother Marshall Thundering Herd (5-6) in annual Druz’ya of Coal Bowl rivalry game. If Mountaineers is losing final game of season to feisty Terps (5-6), and Penn State (8-3, #17 rank) is beating Navy (2-9), Nittany Lions is then winning division and playoff spot!
  • District 2: East Carolina (8-3, #20) is finally waking up and winning North division, with 75-33 destruction of Army (3-8). In South division, Georgia (9-2, #8) is defeating old nemesis Florida Gators 29-13, while Tennessee (8-3, #22) is making spit on Vanderbilt, 45-14. Bulldogs and Vols meet in Week 12 with division title and playoff spot on line!
  • District 3: What is stronger: angry small leprechaun or hard-shell of buckeye nut? Football fans is finding out in January, when division winners Notre Dame (10-1, #3) and Ohio State (9-2, #6) is competing in District 3 Championship game.
  • District 4: Ole Miss (10-1, #1) victory over LSU is clinching West division title. This is making for “anticlimax” final game of season vs. rival Mississippi State (8-3, #19). In East division, Auburn (9-2, #11) is blowing chance to clinch title after losing 30-13 to archrival Crimson Tide (3-8) in annual Iron Bowl rival game. Alabama is perhaps biggest mystery of 2014 Commie Football season! Now there is opportunity for defending 2013 champion Seminoles of Florida State (9-2, #7), who is beating Boston College 29-24, to steal division and playoff spot because Tigers and Seminoles meet in final week of season to decide fate!
  • District 5: In North division, Northwestern (7-4) is losing 39-29 to Michigan State (7-4), and Minnesota is losing 31-19 to Iowa (7-4). Is important, because with 41-19 victory over Michigan Wolverines, Badgers of Wisconsin (8-3, #15) is now clinching division and playoff spot! In South division, Nebraska (7-4) is blowing opportunity in 44-33 loss to lowly Colorado (2-9), allowing Hawkeyes and Mizzou (7-4) to catch in standings. Cornhuskers and Missouri meet next week, with Huskers in control of destiny. Tigers is needing win plus Iowa loss to Iowa State (1-10) to make playoffs.
  • District 6: East division champ Arkansas Razorbacks (9-2, #10) is giving 46-8 noogie to little brother Red Wolves of Arkansas State (3-8). In West division, TCU (9-2, #4) is beating BYU 40-25, and can win division with victory next week vs. once-mighty Texas Longhorns (6-5). Texas A&M (9-2, #9) is surviving Texas Tech 35-32, but is needing TCU loss plus victory over feared Baylor Bears (8-3, #16) in final week for playoff berth. Baylor cannot win division due to Week 7 loss to Horned Frogs.
  • District 7: Boise State (8-3, #21) is beating Arizona Wildcats (7-4) 32-28, but must face BYU (7-4) in final game for North division crown. In South division, Oklahoma (7-4) is losing annual Red River Showdown game, 29-24 to Longhorns, making three-way tie with Arizona and Arizona State Sun Devils (all 7-4). Sooners is having head-to-head advantage, but is facing other big rival Oklahoma State (5-6) in final game. Arizona is facing Tulsa (4-7), and ASU is facing Texas Tech (3-8).
  • District 8: California (8-3, #18) is losing 36-28 to UCLA (8-3, #14) and blowing head-to-head advantage over Oregon Ducks (9-2, #5), who is beating Stanford (7-4, #25) 29-21. Oregon is now clinching North division with Week 12 victory over Washington Huskies (6-5), or loss by Golden Bears to Wazzou (4-7). This week, South division champ USC Trojans (10-1) is beating Washington 33-28 and moving up to #2 Top Power rank.


Western Michigan Broncos (11-0, #1) is last remaining unbeaten team in either Tier 1 or Tier 2, following 38-33 victory over Jackrabbits of South Dakota State (5-6). Here is look at more Tier 2 action, with only one game of regular season to play:


District 1:MASS vs.
District 2:North Champ vs. APP
District 3:CCU vs.
District 4:SAM vs. South Champ
District 5:WMU vs. South Champ
District 6:North Champ vs. ILST
District 7:East Champ
vs. West Champ
District 8:CSU_2014 vs. South Champ
  • District 1: With 38-19 victory over Central Michigan Chippewas (4-7), UMass (9-2, #8) is now claiming North division and playoff spot. South division champ Villanova (8-3, #15) is playing like vacation week in 36-24 loss to Maine Black Bears (5-6).
  • District 2: Appalachian State (9-2, #11) is looking like champion, destroying top-ranked Georgia Southern (10-1, #3) 50-27 and claiming South division title! In North division, Richmond Spiders (7-4) is beating Charlotte 43-37 and is holding advantage over William & Mary (7-4), who is also winning 35-28 over Old Dominion. Final week will determine fate!
  • District 3: Perfect season for Georgia Southern (10-1, #3) is now sad, crushed dream. But will still play in January! District 3 Championship is set vs. Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina (8-3, #20), who is also looking like loser this week, falling 26-24 to North Carolina Central (4-7).
  • District 4: North division champ Samford (10-1, #4) is beating Citadel (3-8) 20-17.  In South, is confusion! Tulane (6-5) is losing to ULM Warhawks (7-4, #22) 37-15. South Alabama (6-5) is losing 29-26 to FIU (7-4, #25). Meantime, Southern Miss (6-5) is beating FAU (6-5) 23-21, so now is three-way tie for division lead. Green Wave is having head-to-head advantage, but must beat Troy (4-7) next week. South Alabama is facing Southern (5-6) and Southern Miss is playing Jackson State (2-9). If all three lose, then Jacksonville State Gamecocks (7-4) will go to District 4 Championship game!
  • District 5: Unbeaten WMU (11-0, #1) is already claiming North division, but South division title is being decided next week when Toledo Rockets (9-2, #13) and Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (9-2, #10) is fighting in winner-take-all playoff glory cage match.
  • District 6: North division race will be decided next week, when Northern Iowa (8-3, #21) is meeting Leathernecks of Western Illinois (7-4) for division title and playoff invitation. WIU is needing to play football better than this week, when losing 52-25 to new South division champ Illinois State Redbirds (9-2, #7).
  • District 7is most interesting. In East division, Stephen F. Austin (7-4) is now losing incredible fourth game in row, this time 38-23 to Bobcats of Texas State (9-2, #9), allowing ULM (7-4, #22) to catch in standings. Can Warhawks steal division with victory vs. McNeese (3-8) next week?  In West division, is yet three-way tie heading into final week! UTEP (9-2, #6) and Texas State will fight to death, but the Lobos of New Mexico (9-2, #5) can take division with victory over rival NMSU (3-8) and loss by Miners to Bobcats.
  • District 8: In rematch of 2013 playoff game, North division champ Colorado State Rams (10-1, #2), in beautiful orange and green uniforms, is once again teaching North Dakota State who is best team, winning 34-30. All marbles of South division is depending on outcome of next game between UNLV (9-2, #17) and San Jose State (9-2, #19), who is losing this week in pathetic fashion, 21-8 to UTEP.

Is yet amazing 7 of 16 playoff tickets unclaimed on Tier 2 level!

Here is photo only now received in package, but is being made one month ago. Is showing Condoleezza reaction when asked about chance of favorite team, Stanford Cardinal, to make Commie Football playoffs.

Here is photo only now received in package, but is being made one month ago. Is showing Condoleezza reaction when asked question about chance of favorite team, Stanford Cardinal, to make Commie Football playoff.


With great excitement of Commie Football playoff race, I am sometimes wondering if Tovarisch Condoleezza (and rest of College Football Playoff committee) is following with interest. I am especially brooding this late in night, after Intern Bobby is falling asleep by fire and entire world is feeling cold and lonesome.

All I am hearing is howl of cruel, winter wind. Also, I am hearing howl of wild wolves moving in circles around cabin, sometimes making try to scratch through thin wooden door. This is when I am having opportunity to thrust sharp metal pole through knotholes in wood, in attempt to kill wolf for fresh meat.

Week 10: Buckeye is New Top Nut

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THE Buckeyes of Ohio State is becoming new #1 Top Power rank team after Week 10 defeat of hated archrival, Wolverines of Michigan.

Is curious folk legend in Ohio SSR, making prediction of day when famous warrior with name “Brutus” – who is only wearing small felt hat on very large head into battle – is returning from hated northern land to become General Secretary of Buckeye Nation! Is only stupid legend, typical of simple, ignorant people from midwest sector of former United States.

Famous “luck of Irish” is not lasting for very long time! In Week 10 of Commie Football season, Notre Dame, already having clinched District 3 playoff spot (see Playoff Tracker below), is maybe thinking this is vacation holiday week! Louisville Cardinals (5-5), who is final four team from last season, but is having bad follow-up year, is stealing pot of gold from Fighting Irish, by final score 47-25.

This upset victory is meaning yet another new #1 rank team on Top Power 25 supercomputer algorithm, also from District 3. Is now THE Buckeyes of Ohio State (9-1), who is taking care of business against archnemesis Michigan Wolverines 29-23. Is no more unbeaten teams remaining on Tier 1, which is natural in Commie Football, due to superior, fair and balance, innovation schedule!

District playoff races is heating up faster than pot of melting snow over open fire! With only two games remaining in regular season, here is how it is looking:


District 1:TEMP vs. South Champ
District 2:North Champ
vs. South Champ
District 3:ND vs. OHSU
District 4:East Champ
vs. West Champ
District 5:North Champ
vs. South Champ
District 6:ARK vs. West Champ
District 7:South Champ
vs. North Champ
District 8:North Champ vs.
  • District 1: With 29-18 victory over Navy, Temple Owls (9-1, #7 rank) is clinching North division title. In South division, West Virginia (9-1, #6) is barely beating Boston College 27-26, but is yet needing one more victory to clinch playoff berth.
  • District 2: East Carolina (7-3) is not playing like team who is wanting to clinch North division playoff spot! Pirates is losing second game consecutive, this week is 30-27 to Clemson (6-4). Is lucky because NC State (5-5) is also being destroyed 60-27 by Georgia Bulldogs (8-2, #11), who is staying one game ahead of Tennessee Vols in South.
  • District 3: Notre Dame (9-1, #4) and Ohio State (9-1, #1) is both already clinching division titles, and will compete in District 3 Championship game in January. Michigan State (6-4) is winning fifth game consecutive, but is too much little, too much late!
  • District 4: In very exciting match, is Ole Miss (9-1, #2) defeating 2013 champion Seminoles of Florida State (8-2, #10), 18-17. With Auburn (9-1, #5) also beating Vanderbilt 36-25, final Week 12 game of season – AU vs. FSU – is looking to be for all East division marbles. In West division, Ole Miss (9-1, #2) is enjoying two-game lead but is still possible for rival Mississippi State (7-3) to catch in final week of season.
  • District 5: Badgers of Wisconsin (7-3, #16), like durak, is losing in upset to weak Kansas Jayhawks (2-8), 25-24. This is allowing both Northwestern (7-3) and Minnesota Golden Gophers (7-3, #25) to catch in North division race. In South division, is Cornhuskers of Nebraska (7-3, #22) now enjoying lead thanks to 30-28 victory over Northern Illinois, plus Iowa Hawkeyes (6-4) 34-24 upset loss to Purdue (6-4). Also, you are now seeing Mizzou (7-3) little bit in playoff picture.
  • District 6: Arkansas Razorbacks (8-2, #13) is losing 38-21 to Baylor Bears (7-3, #17), but is punching ticket to playoff anyway! This is because Cougars of Houston is losing 52-25 to Texas A&M (8-2, #12), and LSU (6-4) is losing in 27-14 upset to Texas Longhorns (5-5). TCU (8-2, #8) is defeating Rice Owls 24-18, but Week Nine victory over Aggies is giving Horned Frogs head-to-head tiebreaker for South division lead.
  • District 7: BYU (7-3, #20) is making important 40-21 victory over Sooners of Oklahoma (7-3, #24). Cougars is catching even at top of North division with Boise State, who is losing in 62-38 unexpected slaughter at hand of Texas Tech Red Raiders (3-7). Arizona Wildcats (7-3, #21) is beating Air Force 40-22, but is also losing tiebreaker game for top of South division to Sooners in Week Three.
  • District 8: California (8-2, #14) and Oregon (8-2, #9) is locked together at top of North division, but head-to-head edge is belonging to Golden Bears and Week Two victory. USC Trojans (9-1, #3) is claiming South division title after 36-27 victory over Beavers of Oregon State. USC is already defeating both Stanford and UCLA, so no other team can catch.



District 1:North Champ vs.
District 2:North Champ
vs. South Champ
District 3:CCU vs.
District 4:SAM vs. South Champ
District 5:WMU vs. South Champ
District 6:North Champ
vs. South Champ
District 7:East Champ
vs. West Champ
District 8:CSU_2014 vs. South Champ
  • District 1: After 34-22 victory over Princeton, UMass (8-2, #8) is now having sole possession of first place in District 1 North, due to 42-29 loss by Yale Bulldogs to Villanova (8-2, #12), who is clinching South division title.
  • District 2: Appalachian State (8-2, #13) is beating Richmond 32-24, and leading South division. But who is wanting North division playoff spot? Leaders Richmond and William & Mary (both 6-4) is both losing! Is important rule in Commie Football – if no team from weak North division is winning seven games, then second best team from South division is playing for District championship. If no other team from entire District is having seven wins, then next best team in country is taking place in playoffs.
  • District 3: Division champions is already decided! Unbeaten Georgia Southern (10-0, #1 Top Power rank) will face Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina (8-2, #14) in District championship game in January rematch (GSU is already beating CCU back in Week Six).
  • District 4: Samford is losing first game of season, 38-21 to Troy Trojans, but is no matter because North division is already clinched. In South, Tulane (6-4) is beating UAB 41-30, while South Alabama (6-4) is losing 25-15 to Alabama State. Green Wave is having head-to-head advantage.
  • District 5: Unbeaten Western Michigan (10-0, #2) is already clinching North division, but in South is dogfight between Toledo Rockets (8-2, #15) and Western Kentucky (8-2, #11), who will fight to death in Week 12.
  • Is perhaps time for changing of guard in District 6, where Illinois State (8-2, #7) is defeating mighty North Dakota State (6-4) 29-12. Only Eastern Illinois (6-4) is having slim chance of catching up in South division. In North, is tie between Northern Iowa (7-3, #23) and Western Illinois (7-3, #24) – all marbles will be on line in Week 12 clash!
  • District 7: – New Mexico Lobos (8-2, #5) is making big noise, destroying East division leader Stephen F. Austin (7-3, #25) 57-30. Lobos are maybe jumping to highest Top Power rank, but two division losses is putting in third place for West division title race. UTEP (8-2, #6) and Texas State (8-2, #10) is both losing games, so is exciting three-way race for lone playoff spot. By way, Miners and Bobcats is meeting in Week 12.
  • District 8: – Colorado State Rams (9-1, #3), in beautiful orange and green uniforms, is team on mission, obliterating Sacramento State 60-26 and clinching North division title. In South division, San Jose State (8-2, #16) is still team to catch, after 29-12 victory over Wyoming.


Intern Bobby is saying...LOL. So, Georgy and this whole Condoleezza Rice thing? He’s totally obsessed with her. He’s like, her international stalker or something. If I were Interpol? I’d like, slap a 5,000-mile restraining order on him, or whatever. I asked him if he thought she was hot, and his face was like, as red as a Soviet flag. At least, I think it was (kinda hard to tell under that huge beard. Also, to be fair, he was in the middle of gutting a deer carcass).

In world of Commie Football, is no debate over what four teams is best to play in playoff. Playoff teams is earning right to eternal glory over 12 grueling weeks of no-cupcake schedule, then four weeks of playoffs in January! Is natural, logical, superior system to old, inferior College Football Playoff or any duratskiy system with human vote to choose top teams!

Intern Bobby is saying I am having “crush” with Tovarisch Condoleezza. She is merely one important member of terrible College Football Playoff committee, and former government official in old American regime. Is necessary, I am thinking of her! She is business competition who is one day being “crush” by Commie Football system. Da, and is also very beautiful woman. But is not time for personal feeling.

Week Nine: Jaw of Tiger is Making Rebel Yell Fall Silent

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Here is photo showing Colonel Reb being dragged by neck toward city of Memphis in Tennessee SSR.

Ole Miss Rebel leader is reported captive. Here is gruesome photo, maybe showing Colonel Reb dragging with broken neck toward city of Memphis in Tennessee SSR. CLICK TO MAKE BIG.

Long time ago, in Week Two of this football season, powerful Crimson Tide of Alabama, a playoff team in 2013, is losing in upset to Memphis Tigers, a team playing last season on Tier 2 level. Every American college football “expert” is thinking this is impossible result! Only “tiger” team to have worry about is LSU or Auburn! Maybe, Clemson.

In Week Nine, Memphis Tigers is showing again it is also ferocious, after surprise defeating #1 Top Power rank Ole Miss Rebels by score 38-25. Glorious victory is elevating Memphis to 6-3 record in very strong District 4, and Tigers is also rising to #23 rank in Top Power 25.

Is not only surprise upset in Week Nine! Miami Hurricanes (6-3, #24 rank) is handing defending champion Florida State first loss of season, 39-31. Other ferocious tiger team from Clemson (5-4) is beating Georgia Bulldogs 33-19. Also making upset victories is two Wolf Pack teams NC State (beating East Carolina 22-13) and Nevada (beating Cal 31-29). Because of superior schedule formula, every week of Commie Football is good competition. Is difficult for even powerful team to win every game!

Intern Bobby is saying...Whoah. Like, speaking of tigers? Last night, I was shoveling out the latrine again? I know, I know – how many times does an intern have to shovel out a latrine in one week, right? Turns out this little, furry animal – some kind of weird-looking squirrel or something – fell into the pit and died, and was like, clogging up the drain. So I had to chop down a long branch from this nearby tree and fish it out. Georgy tied a rope around the trunk and I tied the other end around my waist, and like, lowered myself down the side of the pit a little bit to reach it. Can you say *NOT* pleasant? Anyway, I snag the corpse and the pit starts bubbling again, and I hoist myself out and stand up, and it’s all quiet. I hear this like, mean-sounding growl coming out of the woods. I totally freeze – I’m staring into the shadows, and I slowly scrape some latrine poop off my legs so I can like, whip it at whatever’s about to attack me, and I go, “GEORGY? LITTLE HELP HERE?” and then I hear it – laughing. Georgy comes walking out of the woods, and goes, “You are needing help? Is there TIGER hiding behind tree?” and he’s like, doubled over howling. I’m like, “Old man – you do that again and they’ll be fishing YOU out of the latrine pit! For REALZ.”

New #1 Top Power team is Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, who is defeating Hoosiers of Indiana 42-24. Fighting Irish is last unbeaten 9-0 team in Tier 1, and is to face Ohio State Buckeyes (8-1, #2 rank) in first round of playoffs (District 3 Championship game), after OSU is easy winning 42-16 over Cincinnati Bearcats and clinching District 3 South division.

Is also exciting playoff race in other Districts! Auburn (8-1, #6) is now putting tiger paw in front of Seminoles in District 4 East Division, because AU is having perfect 4-0 division record. In District 5 South, Cornhuskers of Nebraska (6-3) is having playoff advantage over Iowa, due to Week Three victory.

With big 32-20 victory over Texas A&M, TCU Horned Frogs (7-2, #10) is now taking driver’s seat in District 6 West division. In District 8, Oregon Ducks (7-2, #12) is catching up to Golden Bears of California in North Division, but is yet losing tiebreaker, due to Week Two loss.

Good news for Ole Miss is lead in District 4 West standings, but is yet facing brutal schedule of FSU, LSU, and rival from Egg Bowl, Mississippi State!


Is historic week for unbeaten Georgia Southern Eagles. With 37-19 victory over Florida Atlantic, GSU is clinching District 3 South division playoff spot, and also is soaring over Western Michigan to become new Tier 2 #1 Top Power rank team, according to advanced Soviet supercomputer algorithm.

Other team purchasing Tier 2 playoff ticket is Samford Bulldogs (9-0, #3 rank), who is winning weak District 4 North division with simple 28-10 victory over Alabama State. UMass (7-2, #8) is winning key victory over Yale Bulldogs, is putting Minutemen in District 1 playoff driving seat. Richmond (6-3) is defeating William & Mary 21-16, giving Spiders playoff advantage. South Alabama Jaguars (6-3, #25) is taking lead in District 4 South after 30-9 victory over Troy Trojans. In District 6, 33-29 North Dakota State (6-3, #20) victory over Northern Iowa is giving Bison playoff edge. In District 8, San Jose State (7-2, #18) is now in lead after 36-31 victory over Southern Utah, together with surprise 33-27 UNLV loss to Cal Poly (5-4).

Is old saying from Russia: Delit’ shkuru neubitovo medvedya. Is meaning, “Do not divide pelt of bear, if bear is not yet dead.” Is yet three weeks of Commie Football regular season to decide all 16 teams in playoffs. Metaphorical tiger is hunting every team in Top Power 25.

Week Eight: Irish is Making Smile With Eyes

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Here is image from telecast of famous Irish singer Pavel "Bono" Hewson, wearing very tight leprechaun costume intended for child.

Here is image from telecast of famous Irish singer Pavel “Bono” Hewson, leader of rebel music group named for American “U2″ spy plane. As punishment, is serving 20-year sentence singing Soviet national anthem at beginning of each Notre Dame Fighting Irish football game, while wearing very tight leprechaun costume intended for child.


Is yet four more games of Commie Football regular season, but is already one team claiming spot in 16-team playoff to determine national champion. This team is unbeaten Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, who is continuing perfect season with 44-29 victory over Red Wolves of Arkansas State in Week Eight. Due to mediocre 6-6 finish in 2013 season for Irish, schedule this season is seeing many slabyy opponents such as Nevada Wolf Pack, SMU, and Red Wolves. In world of Commie Football, schedule is being engineered for most fair competition – if team is having bad season, then is next year playing weaker schedule. Is both punishment and reason for hope.

In weak District 3 North Division, Notre Dame is already defeating both of 4-4 Michigan Wolverines (25-15 in Week Two) and Michigan State Spartans (32-23 in Week Three), so is not possible for other team to win division title. Rest of schedule is looking easy for the Irish, with three games versus weak schools also from Indiana SSR (Hoosiers of Indiana, Purdue, and Ball State) and one *maybe* difficult game against Louisville Cardinals. Can famous luck of Irish make perfect 12-0 record to begin PUACF playoffs? Can Notre Dame leap like lucky leprechaun over Ole Miss Rebels to become #1 rank team on Top Power 25 list? Maybe in Week Nine?

First round playoff opponent of Irish is most likely Ohio State Buckeyes (7-1, #5 Top Power), who is looking like team to beat in District 3 South. In other Districts, playoff contenders leading divisions is remaining same as last week.

True fans of WMU Broncos is traveling many miles on horseback to see football games.

True fans of WMU Broncos is traveling many miles on horseback to see football games. But sometimes roads of Michigan SSR is very muddy. Low attendance is one reason why WMU is playing on Tier 2 this season.


Is new Tier 2 #1 Top Power team, according to Soviet supercomputer algorithm. This is due to Eastern Illinois Panthers (4-4) making huge upset victory, defeating mighty Colorado State Rams (7-1, #4) by score 30-24. First loss for CSU is dropping Rams three spots in Top Power rank, allowing Western Michigan Broncos (8-0) to buck whole way to #1 position, after destroying North Carolina Central 53-19 to maintain perfect record. WMU is also taking two-game lead in District 5 North Division playoff race.

Other Tier 2 playoff races is remaining same as previous week, with only two different:

  • Yale Bulldogs (7-1, #8 rank) is back on top in District 1 North, due to 32-26 Texas State victory over UMass.
  • In District 4 South, South Alabama Jaguars (5-3, unranked) is taking lead due to Florida Atlantic 25-22 victory over Tulane Green Wave.

If WMU is having very great season, is it guarantee for promotion to Tier 1 in 2015 season? NYET! Is many complex factor involved in promotion and relegation, and you are reading more here.