American College Football Fans Can Now Make Marks on Kalendar

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2014-schedule-is-arrivingFollowing realignment announcements of spring, today is big day during off-season summer, for when all of American college football fan is waiting!

Nyet, is not arrival of shipment of fresh cherry plums from Crimea – is release of schedule for 2014 Commie Football season. Week One games is beginning first weekend in September, then is running for 12 weeks in row to end weekend before Thanksgiving.

Maybe you are fan of Tier 2 instead of Tier 1? You are then having to wait for little while longer for schedule release, like you are waiting for other things in very long line at local market – cherry plums, baking flour, medicine for children, etc. (UPDATE: Tier 2 Schedule is now also posted on same page.)

The Commie Football schedule is optimized for ensuring good competition to all teams, and most enjoyment for all American college football fans. For this coming fall football season, fans are finding zero ridiculous cupcake games, many interesting games between regional rivals, and many games featuring very best teams in country, instead of top teams never meeting due to archaic “conference” system of BCS past.

Here is few interesting facts about 2014 Commie Football schedule, for all fans to enjoy:

1. 2014 season is beginning with many large bangs! You are liking matchups between big college programs? Look at opening weekend schedule with very wide eyes:

  • Florida State vs. Oklahoma State
  • Alabama vs. Oklahoma
  • Louisville vs. Oregon
  • Ohio State vs. USC
  • Michigan vs. Stanford
  • Penn State vs. Clemson
  • Missouri vs. Baylor
  • Michigan State vs. UCLA
  • Auburn vs. Boise State
  • Wisconsin vs. LSU

And this is only opening weekend games, comrade! Because of superior scheduling formula, every week of season is seeing many games with matchups of “big time”.


Every team is playing 12 games: all 5 other teams in same DIVISION; 3 or 4 teams from other division in same DISTRICT; and 3 or 4 teams from different DISTRICT.

2. Because of unique method of assigning district rank to every team (based on previous season record), all non-district game is against team with same rank, so schedule is being more fair for all teams.

3. Even with advanced schedule formula, sometimes is important rivalry game that is falling through crack. Schedule is leaving one space (Week 11) as “open” for any missing rivalry game, so every team who is having big rival in different division/district is able to schedule important game for enjoyment of fans. As example, here is some games that happen in Week 11 this season:

  • Alabama vs. Auburn (both in District 4, but different Divisions)
  • Texas (District 6) vs. Oklahoma (District 7)
  • Georgia (Distict 2) vs. Florida (District 4)
  • Oregon vs. Stanford (both in District 8, but different Divisions)
  • Virginia (District 1) vs. Virginia Tech (District 2)
  • West Virginia (District 1) vs. Marshall (District 3)
  • Ohio State (District 2) vs. Penn State (District 1)
  • Tennessee (District 2) vs. Vanderbilt (District 4)

Because of superior Commie Football schedule, all college football fans can now stop crying about not seeing favorite rival teams!

4. Every college football team is spending less money for travel. Cost of travel is very large struggle for many football programs. Especially with rise in price of petrol following recent troubles in Crimea and Ukraine. In Commie Football system, every team is being geographically grouped in District, so this cost is not so high as in old BCS system. Student athletes is very comfortable riding in wagon for short trips.

You are staying tuned for release of Tier 2 schedule for 2014 season! (UPDATE: Tier 2 Schedule is now also posted on same page.)

Tier 2 Realignment Boogaloo

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Here is photo my friend is posting to VKontakte social network website of summer 2014 vacation trip to Lake Baikal. #nofilter

Here is photo my friend is posting to VKontakte social network website of spring 2014 vacation trip to Lake Baikal. #nofilter

Privet again to every reader! Am just now returning to site after many weeks of long journey to new spring vacation spot of Lake Baikal. Is little bit more cold than normal vacation setting of Black Sea resort in Crimea, but water is very different, very refreshing. You are seeing accompanying photograph and also have longing to visit beautiful Baikal? Here is word of advice – bring flare pistol, in case you are needing of wilderness rescue. This, I am learning hard way!


Is now time for review of realignment of Tier 2 teams for upcoming 2014 Commie Football season. Tier 2 is more complicated bear than Tier 1, because new teams are both falling down from Tier 1 and also rising up from Tier 3. This is due to promotion and relegation system.

Here is convenient list showing realignment of Tier 2 Districts for 2014 season (new Tier 2 team is in bold like this; team moving to new District is in italic like this):

DISTRICT 1: Yale Bulldogs is being promoted from Tier 3. This is making Stony Brook Seawolves move to South division, which is in turn causing Blue Hens of Delaware move to District 2.

  • North: Brown, Harvard, Maine, New Hampshire, UMass, Yale
  • South: Lafayette, Lehigh, Penn, Princeton, Stony Brook, Villanova

DISTRICT 2: Is welcoming Delaware from District 1, which is cause for Old Dominion shift to South division. 2013 South division champion Coastal Carolina is moving to District 3.

  • North: Delaware, James Madison, Liberty, Richmond, Towson, William & Mary
  • South: Appalachian State, Elon, Norfolk State, North Carolina A&T, North Carolina Central, Old Dominion

DISTRICT 3: Two new teams is promoted to this District from Tier 3 – Charlotte 49ers and Georgia State Panthers. Also is welcome to Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina from District 2, which is pushing Georgia Southern to South division. With three new teams in District, is forcing move of Alabama State, South Alabama, and Troy Trojans to District 4.

  • North: Charlotte, Citadel, Coastal Carolina, Furman, South Carolina State, Wofford
  • South: Bethune-Cookman, Florida A&M, Florida Atlantic, Florida International, Georgia Southern, Georgia State

DISTRICT 4: Is entire new configuration. “East” division from last season is now “North” division, and is including Alabama State from District 3. New “South” division is combining South Alabama and Troy from District 3 with four teams from District 6 – Jackson State, Southern U, Southern Miss, and Tulane. Middle Tennessee and Tennessee State is now in District 5, and Memphis Tigers is earning Tier 1 promotion. Murray State is also being relegated to Tier 3 for this season.

  • North: Alabama A&M, Alabama State, Chattanooga, Jacksonville State, Samford, UAB
  • South: Jackson State, South Alabama, Southern U, Southern Miss, Troy, Tulane

DISTRICT 5: Is also changing from East/West to North/South divisions. Indiana State is being relegated to Tier 3, and Toledo Rockets is moving in after relegation from Tier 1. Also is now having Middle Tennessee and Tennessee State from District 4. Eastern Illinois and Illinois State is moving to District 6.

  • North: Akron, Buffalo, Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Western Michigan, Youngstown State
  • South: Eastern Kentucky, Miami (OH), Middle Tennessee, Tennessee State, Toledo, Western Kentucky

DISTRICT 6: North division is staying same as 2013, but South division is being reconfigure, with five new teams coming from Districts 4 and 5.

  • North: North Dakota, North Dakota State, Northern Iowa, South Dakota, South Dakota State, Western Illinois
  • South: Central Arkansas, Eastern Illinois, Illinois State, Missouri State, Southern Illinois, Tennessee-Martin

DISTRICT 7: Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks is being relegated here from Tier 1. Is causing Tier 2 champion North Texas Mean Green to shift to West division.

  • East: Lamar, Louisiana-Monroe, McNeese State, Northwestern State, Same Houston State, Stephen F. Austin
  • West: New Mexico, New Mexico State, North Texas, Northern Arizona, Texas State, UTEP

DISTRICT 8: Is only one change. Hawaii is moving up, and San Jose State is being relegated here from Tier 1.

  • North: Colorado State, Eastern Washington, Idaho, Montana, Montana State, Wyoming
  • South: Cal Poly, Sacramento State, San Jose State, Southern Utah, UC Davis, UNLV


Next on Commie Football offseason agenda is release of 2014 schedule for all Tier 1 and Tier 2 teams. You are remembering – because of innovative organization of teams, no team is having easy schedule filled with cupcake opponents! Also, site will soon be having update to map.

Summer is Time for Realign!

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2014 RealignmentIs like when Crimea is “realigning” with Mother Russia. Is best solution for the people.

When 2013 Commie Football season is reaching exciting conclusion, with Seminoles of Florida State winning thrilling Rose Bowl championship game over Oregon Ducks, every fan is then thinking all American college football action is coming to halt. That PUACF officials is taking long summer holiday in Black Sea resort.

NYET! Is not true! Is too much preparation to do for upcoming 2014 Commie Football season! (Also, is not best year for Black Sea holiday.)

In recent post, you are learning about promotion and relegation. This is process when some teams is moving down from Tier 1 to Tier 2 (and vice-versa) after each season. Is also happening on Tier 2 and Tier 3. Is important for making certain all teams is playing on appropriate level of strength and competition. For Tier 1 teams, is eliminating schedule filled with games against weak, cupcake opponents, like in old BCS system.

Next important process of offseason is realignment. In Commie Football, “realignment” is not curse word! Is not happening because school is hoping to collect more filthy capitalist dollars with better television contract of different conference! Nyet, is happening because in Commie Football, every District is being organized by true geography. When new teams is moving in or out of Tier 1, is creating new geographic distribution. This is requiring realignment to fix. For 2014 season, is three new teams in Tier 1.

Here is convenient outline showing realignment of Tier 1 Districts for 2014 season (new Tier 1 team is in bold like this; team moving to new District is in italic like this):

DISTRICT 1: Is nothing to see. All 12 teams from 2013 is staying same.

  • North: Army, Boston College, Connecticut, Rutgers, Syracuse, Temple
  • South: Maryland, Navy, Penn State, Pittsburgh, Virginia, West Virginia

DISTRICT 2: Is losing 2013 District champion Louisville Cardinals, and also strong Vanderbilt team. But is replacing with popular Georgia Bulldogs and little bit less-popular rival, Yellowjackets of Georgia Tech.

  • East: Duke, East Carolina, North Carolina State, North Carolina, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest
  • West: Clemson, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee

DISTRICT 3: Toledo Rockets is being relegated to Tier 2. Is causing shuffle of teams, with powerful Louisville Cardinals moving into District. Also, Bowling Green is switching to North division.

  • North: Ball State, Bowling Green, Indiana, Michigan, Michigan State, Notre Dame
  • South: Cincinnati, Kent State, Louisville, Marshall, Ohio, Ohio State

DISTRICT 4: With Georgia and Georgia Tech move to District 2, and LSU move to District 6, District 4 is now to welcome Vanderbilt and Arkansas State. Plus, is also new home of Memphis Tigers, promoted from Tier 2. Last, Auburn Tigers is joining Florida schools in East division.

  • East: Auburn, Florida, Florida State, Miami (FL), South Florida, UCF
  • West: Alabama, Arkansas State, Memphis, Mississippi State, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt

DISTRICT 5: Is no change. All 12 teams is staying in same division as 2013.

  • North: Illinois, Minnesota, Northern Illinois, Northwestern, Purdue, Wisconsin
  • South: Iowa, Iowa State, Kansas, Kansas State, Missouri, Nebraska

DISTRICT 6: Is having most changes of all Districts. Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks is now relegated to Tier 2, replacement is new promoted team Roadrunners of UTSA. LSU Tigers is moving in from District 4, and is three-team swap with District 7 – Baylor, SMU, and TCU move in, and Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Tulsa move out. Is making most Texas teams now in this District (except Texas Tech).

  • East: Arkansas, Houston, Louisiana-Lafayette, LSU, Louisiana Tech, Rice
  • West: Baylor, SMU, TCU, Texas, Texas A&M, UTSA

DISTRICT 7: As explaining above, all Oklahoma teams is now moving to this District. 2013 District 7 champion Baylor Bears is leaving. Also TCU and SMU.

  • North: Air Force, Boise State, BYU, Colorado, Utah, Utah State
  • South: Arizona, Arizona State, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, Tulsa

DISTRICT 8: Is only one change. San Jose State is being relegated to Tier 2. Replacement team is Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii.

  • North: California, Nevada, Oregon, Oregon State, Washington, Washington State
  • South: Fresno State, Hawaii, San Diego State, Stanford, UCLA, USC

Tier 2 is also having realignment, but details is following another day, after short holiday for PUACF officials. Instead of Black Sea, holiday trip is scheduled for Lake Baikal. It is taking many days to reach.

In Sochi, All is Very Beautiful & Perfect

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A message from Premier Putin to ungrateful world. Nightmare Bear has same message.

When Winter Olympics is coming to Sochi, many Americans is looking for reason to be poking fun of Russia, because of bad feeling from times of Cold War. But Ronald Reagan is losing this war long time ago! Is now new era when Premier Putin is bringing peace and prosperity to all peoples, from Mother Russia to troublesome stepchild America.

Despite this, here is seven ways America is still not understanding culture of Russia:

  1. America is saying two toilets in bathroom is not better than one toilet! How is this so? If you are having to use toilet, but wife is already using, you are having to release der’mo out back door, into pen where you are keeping pigs. Pigs is then eating, and then you are slaughtering pig, so you are eating disgusting, same excrement once again in breakfast! This is why two toilets is better than one toilet.
  2. During glorious Opening Ceremony, many Americans is making complaint when only four of five rings of Olympic symbol is lighting. Is not accident! Number five ring is one representing Americas. This is way of government to say to America, “When you are watching Olympics on home black-and-white television set, KGB is also watching you and your family at same time.” Is way for government to show citizens who is true boss. Most of world is understanding.
  3. Many is laughing when stupid man from American team is getting trapped in bathroom, so is having to break down door to escape. Is because American is not knowing how to turn Russian doorknob! Something every small child in Russia is doing everyday! How is this fault of Sochi hotel?
  4. Is complaints from American athletes about dangerous condition of some competition sitessnowboarding halfpipe, luge track, slopestyle (whatever this is), downhill ski course - is not standard, is too fast, is too bumpy, list is going on longer than Volga River! Are you Olympic-level athlete, or are you winning gold medal for crying like child, complaining that goat’s milk is not warm enough before bedtime folk tale?
  5. Some is saying is too many stray dogs in Sochi and this is problem. Putin is very happy when American is wanting to adopt stray Sochi dogs. KGB plan is working! Maybe you are taking dog into home, or to daytime job at Pentagon. Is even better!
  6. Others is saying adorable Olympic mascot bear is frightening to children, is having eyes that are moving in unnatural way. Who is really having more frightening eyes? Olympic mascot bear or American broadcaster Bob Costas? America is showing bias.
  7. Still more is saying figure skating competition is rigged. If so, why is Russia not also winning silver and bronze medals? Adelina Sotnikova is making upset win in women’s figure skating. Is beautiful Russian girl with very difficult routine. Who is complaining? Judges is voting her best. But world is angry because she is from Russia! Is poor sportsmanship.

So what if Russia is winning most medals of all Olympics? Is best country, best athletes, best facilities for Olympic competition in whole world, so is not surprise. Also, is only one worker killed during whole Olympics. By coincidence, is man responsible for running Opening Ceremony light show.

Ticket is for Only One Way

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Advanced promotion & relegation system of Commie Football is making certain every team is assigned to proper Tier.

Last week, website is giving details of Tier 1 promotion and relegation for 2014 football season. Is good day for Memphis, UTSA, and Hawaii – but not-so-good day for Louisiana-Monroe, Toledo, and San Jose State.

Same joy/pain is also to feeling on Tier 2, Tier 3, and Tier 4. You are maybe thinking – “Tier 3? Tier 4?! Why is no detail of these Tiers on Commie Football website?” Is good question. Commie Football system is rethinking all of American college football from top to bottom, but Soviet supercomputer is only calculating scores for top two Tiers at present time. Is yet early part of five-year plan. Data for lower Tiers is classified. Men will gladly die to protect. But for purpose of proper calculation, is critical to know every Tier of all college football teams.

You are remembering that promotion/relegation is being decided by combination of Top Power rank and attendance average for home games. After running calculation, it is decided that three teams are to be promoted up to Tier 2 for 2014 season:

  • Georgia State Panthers
  • Yale Bulldogs
  • Charlotte 49ers (is actually moving up from Tier 4!)

And so is sad part – here is three teams who are to be relegated from Tier 2 to Tier 3:

  • Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions (2-10, District 6)
  • Murray State Racers (3-9, District 4)
  • Indiana State Sycamores (3-9, District 5)

Note: Is some teams, like Southern Utah Thunderbirds, who is having very low attendance and is seeming to be destiny for relegation to Tier 3. But, because team is finishing with 6-6 record, this team is not eligible for relegation. Only teams with losing record can be making relegation.

Finally, at lowest levels of American college football – here are teams moving up to Tier 3 from Tier 4:

  • Brevard Tornados
  • Florida Tech Panthers
  • Houston Baptist Huskies
  • Lane Dragons
  • Mercer Bears
  • Minnesota-Moorhead Dragons
  • Saint Joseph’s Pumas
  • South Dakota Mines Hardrockers
  • Stetson Hatters – Note: Is very funny nickname.
  • Stillman Tigers

And here are teams now moving down from Tier 3 to Tier 4:

  • Bentley Falcons
  • Black Hills State Yellow Jackets
  • Lake Erie Storm
  • Livingstone Blue Bears
  • Millersville Marauders
  • New Mexico Highlands Cowboys
  • Northwood Timberwolves
  • Notre Dame (OH) Falcons
  • Southwest Baptist Bearcats
  • Tiffin Dragons
  • Western Oregon Wolves


Next during college football off-season is geographic realignment of divisions, based on new teams moving between Tiers in promotion/relegation. Then, is new schedule for 2014 season.


Up & Down, Like Mir Space Station

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Up with Tigers, Roadrunners, and Rainbow Warriors! Down with Warhawks, Rockets, and Spartans!

Up with Tigers, Roadrunners, and Rainbow Warriors! Down with Warhawks, Rockets, and Spartans!

One of greatest things about Commie Football system is happening after season is concluding. Is when some teams, after having very good season on Tier 2, is being moved up to Tier 1 for next season. Is exciting to see what teams is making to next level. Is also help to maintain overall top quality of Tier 1. Is giving hope to Tier 2 program, that with improving, can it reach very top of college football world!

But here is other side of ducat – when new team is moving up to Tier 1, at same time a bad Tier 1 team is having to move down to Tier 2, sinking like Nazi U-boat to bottom of cold Baltic Sea. Is always 96 teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2. This is process called promotion and relegation. Is very common system to European professional sport league, but is never catching on in American sport leagues. Until Commie Football is bringing!

You are asking question – how are teams to be chosen for promotion or relegation in Commie Football? Is requiring complex calculation of Soviet supercomputer to determine, with two factors as being primary – one is final Top Power rank of team for previous season; other is attendance for all home football game, on average. Top Power rank is showing strength of football team, and average home attendance is showing strength of football program.

When every factor is being input into supercomputer, final result is sometimes not what American football fan is expecting. As example, here is three teams moving up from Tier 2 to Tier 1 for 2014 college football season:

  1. Memphis Tigers (12-3, Top Power #4) – Tigers is winning Tier 2/District 4 championship game vs. Chattanooga, and losing close game to Buffalo in playoff semifinal game. Is not surprise pick for promotion.
  2. UTSA Roadrunners (9-4, Top Power #12) – Roadrunners is winning division, but is losing District 7 championship game to eventual Tier 2 champion North Texas. Is maybe, little bit surprise pick for promotion.
  3. Hawaii Rainbow Warriors (7-5, unranked). Here is most surprise pick. Is only having mediocre season, but supercomputer is saying Rainbow Warriors is deserving promotion because attendance is so good, is even better than some Tier 1 teams. Is showing is strong program, even if nickname is having symbol making to think of sissies! Is 21st century. PUACF is accepting of all nicknames.

Every year, is fans being angry with promotion/relegation announcement. Soviet supercomputer is not having human emotion, so is not afraid of controversy. Right now, fans of North Texas Mean Green and Buffalo Bulls is feeling surprise and anger. Izvinite, but here is thing – even best Top Power Tier 2 teams is only making promotion if average attendance at home stadiums is enough large. Maybe one more championship season on Tier 2 level is helping bring more fans to stadium?

So, here is three teams who is falling from Tier 1 to Tier 2 for 2014 season:

  1. Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks (1-11, #95 Top Power) – ULM is almost worst team in Tier 1 this season (only South Florida is having worse season), and is also having very low attendance. Is not surprise for relegation. Fans of Ragin’ Cajuns are having good laugh.
  2. Toledo Rockets (2-10) – Is not even worst team in District 3 (see Ohio Bobcats) but is having much worst attendance. Instead of flying high in sky, Rockets is falling like Mir back to Earth. Fans of Bowling Green Falcons is having good laugh.
  3. San Jose State Spartans (4-8) – Spartans is having even less attendance than Warhawks of ULM. San Francisco area is maybe having too many Tier 1 teams, also with Stanford and California Golden Bears. Nobody is having good laugh, because SJSU is not having arch rival. Maybe is part of problem with attracting fans to stadium.

All three teams is having played on Tier 2 before, so is no strangers there. Good news for team falling to Tier 2 is sometimes is immediate becoming one of best teams, and is making Tier 2 playoffs! Is good question for fans – you are rather cheering bad Tier 1 team, or championship Tier 2 team? What would Karl Marx say?

Promotion and relegation is not only on Tier 1 level! Is also necessary process for lower Tiers after every season, with teams moving between Tier 2 and Tier 3, Tier 3 and Tier 4, etc. Will cover in next blog post here on website. Also, is geographic realignment of all Tiers because of new teams. Is meaning new map. You are seeing that Commie Football is busy during whole year!

2013 Champions! What, You Are Expecting Other Team?

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In very exciting finale (that is French word meaning final performance) to Commie Football season, is so close of finish that referees is having to look at instant replay for even many more minutes than is already looking during games! But in end, is Seminoles of Florida State who is defeating Oregon Ducks by only one point, final score 32-31, in championship Rose Bowl game. Only loss for Noles this season is Week Five loss to Crimson Tide, but FSU is later having revenge in District 4 Championship Game.

Maybe you are expecting some other team for champion? Fans of Commie Football is coming to expect what is unexpected, as when Utah State Aggies is surprise winner of championship last season. Some fans is saying, “Well, jeez – this is just the same thing that happened anyway! How is Commie Football a better or different system when we just wind up with the same champion as the stupid BCS?!”

If this is you, then you are needing to take deep breath. Here is why. Soviet supercomputer is taking many data into calculations to determine true college football champion. Is also making new, better schedule for all teams, so no champion is traveling easy path to victory. For 2013 Florida State Seminoles, instead of playing weak teams such as Bethune-Cookman and Idaho on way to BCS Championship, is instead in Commie Football playing strong schedule: Tulsa, LSU, South Florida, Rutgers, Alabama, Georgia, UCF, South Carolina, Miami (FL), Mississippi, Auburn, Florida, Alabama (again!), Missouri, Boston College, and finally Oregon. That is 16 games for championship glory, and not one is being easy. Okay, maybe Tulsa or South Florida, but Golden Hurricane is very good team last season! USF is even upgrade from Bethune!

What supercomputer is to confirm is that da, Florida State Seminoles is true best team in country for 2013 season. But! Auburn is not even being close to #2 best team. This team is Oregon Ducks, then Baylor Bears, then Louisville Cardinals (see final Top Power 25 rankings for end of season). Auburn is mere #25 in Top Power rank.

Believe or not, Seminoles and Ducks is finishing finishing season tied as #2 best offense, only behind Baylor. Is maybe better defense of FSU that is making difference in championship game? Only supercomputer is knowing for certain. Supercomputer is knowing every thing!

2013-champions-untTIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP

Nyet, Florida State is not only champion of America. In Tier 2 of Commie Football, champion is Mean Green of North Texas, who are defeating very strong Buffalo Bulls by final score of 35-29.

Here are two teams that are being very even matched, both with very good offense and defense. Mean Green is maybe playing better game in high pressure situation, and this is making difference in end. UNT is also losing only one game this season, in Week Six to UTEP.


For Tier 2 especially, is more excitement still coming, because after season is when process of promotion and relegation is happening. This is when some teams from Tier 2 are being promoted to Tier 1 for 2014 season, and some of worst Tier 1 teams is falling down to Tier 2. Fans of Tier 2 teams is having to keep in mind, that only schools who are coming from former FBS level is eligible for promotion to Commie Football Tier 1. So for fans of NDSU Bison, you are out of luck because NDSU is former FCS. What are factors for teams being chosen to rise or fall? Is combination of final record, Top Power scores, and attendance.

Promotion/Relegation announcement is coming in maybe one week or two. Is depending on finding enough wood for fire that is powering web server, so it is not freezing in polar vortex.

Tier 2 Semifinals: Nervous CSU Fans is Eating Tip of Horn

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Here is photograph of television set, showing miracle fan of Colorado State Rams, who is crying black tears when Rams is losing semifinal playoff game to Mean Green of North Texas.

Here is photograph of good television set, showing miracle fan of Colorado State Rams, who is crying dark green tears when beloved Rams is losing Tier 2 semifinal playoff game to Mean Green of North Texas.

When Commie Football season is reaching semifinal round of playoffs, each surviving team is having played 14 games. Is made hard like steel already from two fierce playoff battles and is not feeling scared of another fight.

This is making even low-seed teams, who are not looking like danger, such as Rams of Colorado State, most dangerous opponent of all opponents. Why? Because is sneaking up on you in alleyway, but you are not seeing because you are looking at bigger opponent far away, and then you are feeling thrust of knife bayonet for use with the 7.62 mm. Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle. Right through heart.

But in twist to this story, Mean Green of North Texas is able to defend against alleyway bayonet attack of CSU. Is instead, hearts of Colorado State Ram fans who are feeling heart stabbed with bayonet! This is also happening to fans of Memphis Tigers, in next alleyway.


Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Denton, TX
Final Score: North Texas 32, Colorado State 31
Notes: For Rams, is sad finish to very good season that is starting very bad with 1-3 record. To make difficult journey to being only one, exciting point away from Tier 2 championship game is making fans proud, like runt pig of litter who is one day in future winning 4th place at regional soviet agricultural festival. This is very much more than fans of Colorado Buffaloes (3-9) or Falcons of Air Force (1-11) is saying at end of season! Is possible CSU and UNT is maybe being promoted to Tier 1 next football season?

Even small, one-point victory is victory, and Mean Green is now to advance to play maybe strongest team of Tier 2, Buffalo Bulls, for glorious honor of Tier 2 Championship!


Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Memphis, TN
Final Score: Buffalo 31, Memphis 29
Notes: In other exciting semifinal game, is Bulls of Buffalo making only two-point victory over Memphis Tigers, in famous Liberty Bowl stadium. Here are two teams famous this season for mighty defense, but in end is Buffalo having little bit better offense that is making difference. Both teams is also deserving of maybe promotion to Tier 1 next season, fans are thinking.

Buffalo is only #5 playoff seed, but is playing very good offense and defense, and is now maybe favorite to win championship game against Mean Green of North Texas?

On to Championship

Tier 2 Championship game is traditional to be played in Kansas City, where is near middle of country, for fans who are having far to walk. What team will be new national champion of Tier 2? North Texas Mean Green or Buffalo Bulls?!

You are coming back to website next week to find out.

Semifinal Playoffs: Who is Only Pretender?

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Is Seminoles only pretender? Or is Ducks? Show me your papers!

Or maybe is Seminoles only pretender? Or is Ducks true pretender? Show me your papers!

Is coming time when team that is pretender to be champion is no longer being good enough to continuing pretend.

In semifinal week of Commie Football playoffs, this pretender team is Eagles of Boston College. Is coming into playoffs as #8 weakest seed, from weak District 1, and is making surprise 35-32 victory over undefeated Baylor Bears in quarterfinal round.

But is maybe only one pretender beating other pretender because for Boston College, dream is coming to full stop this week in desert heat of Fiesta Bowl, where Seminoles of FSU, who is maybe being more used to hot weather of Florida, is not wilting in bright rotating searchlight of semifinal playoff game, is not being afraid when surrounded by barbed wire of football stadium, with millions of American college football fans around world watching game on small black-and-white television next to stove where evening meal is being cooked (all by decree of central politburo).

Now, if Seminoles is losing championship game to Oregon Ducks (who is beating Louisville in Aloha Bowl semifinal), then FSU is only pretender beating pretender beating pretender!


Game: Fiesta Bowl
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Florida State 42, Boston College 26
Notes: Eagles of Boston College is giving everyone good show last week when destroying championship dream of Baylor Bears, but this is week when plucky upstart team from District 1 is being shown what real championship football team is looking like. Boston College is likely to finish season as only #8 Top Power team, but is at least making college football fans think better about weak District 1 (little bit). Seminoles (14-1, #1 Top Power) is now feeling even more angry by close Week 5 loss to Crimson Tide, but is also feeling happy to be making to title game in Rose Bowl against flying-very-high Oregon Ducks. But not too happy, because is having to maintain edge and sharp focus of playing in championship game.


Game: Aloha Bowl
Location: Honolulu, HI
Final Score: Oregon 25, Louisville 20
Notes: Here is battle of MiG jet offense of Ducks against Iron Curtain defense of Louisville Cardinals. In end, it is MiG jet flying low over small city in midwest by Ohio River, and dropping one too many strategic nuclear missles on city defense, which is making hole that Duck army is then to exploit. At very least, Cardinals is getting trip to Hawaii out of deal. Ducks is now jumping to #2 Top Power, and is setting up classic championship game. Ducks is having slight better offense, and Seminoles is having slight better defense.

Who is winning great war of our time?! Is better to having great defense or great offense?! Who is only pretender?! Find and eliminate all pretenders!

In day or two, we are telling what is happening on Tier 2 semifinal games.

Tier 2 Playoffs: For Bison, Is Turning Dark Midnight

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Chyort voz’mi! Is saying in newspaper that Colorado State Rams is Cinderella team, winning playoff game against North Dakota State, who is Wicked Stepmother team.

In second (quarterfinal) round of Tier 2 playoffs, big story is much familiar to Tier 1 playoffs. Top-seed team is playing home game against lowest, seed #8 team, who is traveling across country to have zadnitsa kicked by hooves of bison!

But this story is not what is happening. Instead, is underdog team with no things to lose that is coming into cocky stadium and finding new lake of strength, which is spraying out like geyser, and is playing best football game of young life! This team is capturing hearts of American football fans, and is becoming new Cinderella team, like in American Disney movie. In Commie Football Tier 2, this team is now Colorado State Rams, who is being Cinderella character, and Bison of North Dakota State is being wicked stepmother, who is now standing on sideline and watching Rams continue dancing in playoff games with handsome prince character, who in metaphor is maybe North Texas Mean Green. 


Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Fargo, ND
Final Score: Colorado State 35, North Dakota State 27
Notes: Like in Tier 1 Cotton Bowl, here is #1 seed team losing in defeat to #8 seed that is erupting like volcano, growing hot at right time. How is this? Rams is having best offense in Tier 2 this season. For Bison, is disappointing ending for second season in row, that is falling short in Commie Football playoffs. Is getting no easier for Colorado State, who is thinking is dancing with handsome prince, but is in truth facing sister of wicked stepmother – North Texas Mean Green – in semifinal game.


Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Denton, TX
Final Score: North Texas 43, Towson 27
Notes: Many is saying that North Texas is best team in Tier 2 all season long. Now, with easy victory over Towson, and NDSU out of way, Mean Green is new Top Power #1 team in Tier 2. Is having very good offense and defense is more strong than next opponent, Colorado State. And remember – Mean Green is sister of wicked stepmother, wearing clothing of handsome prince! For how long can magic playoff games last for Cinderella Rams? For Towson, is second season in row that Tigers is turning to pumpkins in Tier 2 playoffs.


Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Memphis, TN
Final Score: Memphis 27, Florida Atlantic 22
Notes: Memphis Tigers is not pumpkin, like Towson Tigers, but is more like real tiger – is hiding in bushes waiting to pounce, kill, and eat opponent. Latest jungle meal is looking like Owl of Florida Atlantic. Tigers is best defense remaining in Tier 2 playoffs, and is now to face Buffalo Bulls in semifinal. Maybe Bull is harder to kill than Owl? Or tiger is maybe liking taste of both, eh? FAU season is finish, but is hoping for maybe promotion to Tier 1 next season.


Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Orono, ME
Final Score: Buffalo 41, Maine 26
Notes: In rematch battle of cold teams from northeastern districts, Bulls of Buffalo is again to prove superior to Black Bears of Maine (Buffalo was also crushing Maine 51-11 in Week 11). Buffalo is now travel by Russian bus to warmer south of country to play Memphis Tigers in semifinal, who is having second-most explosive offense in playoffs, only behind Colorado State.


This weekend, all of world is finding out what two teams are playing for Tier 2 Commie Football championship!

  • (2) North Texas (13-1, #1) vs. (8) Colorado State (10-4, #7)
  • (3) Memphis (12-2, #3) vs. (5) Buffalo (11-3, #4)