Is New Czar of American College Football!

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In commemoration of championship 2015 season, fans of Clemson Tigers is adding Commie Football symbol to symbolic Howard's Rock monument.

In commemoration of championship 2015 season, University of Clemson is adding Commie Football logo to symbolic Howard’s Rock monument.

TIER 1 CHAMPION: TIGERS OF CLEMSON!

Pozdravlyayu to Tigers of Clemson, champion of 2015 Commie Football college football season! Clemson is defeating USC Trojans 33-25 in Commie Fiesta Bowl championship game, to end season as final team in hot spotlight of eternal glory.

Result is perhaps different than college football fans is expecting. In corrupt College Football Playoff system, Clemson is losing in championship game to Alabama Crimson Tide. But in world of Commie Football, Crimson Tide (9-3, #10) is not qualifying for playoffs! Bama loss to Ole Miss (9-3, #6) in Week 2 is later handing division title and playoff invitation to Rebels at end of season. Clemson is then defeating Ole Miss in playoffs, Round 2 on path to eternal glory, despite mediocre offense (#31) and defense (#22) rankings!

In village of Tuscaloosa, this is tragedy… yet every other village in America is very happy with this result. Is many more surprising results to read in final 2015 Standings.

MYSTERIES OF SUPERCOMPUTER

Is unusual finding of Soviet supercomputer. Despite championship game victory, Clemson is yet finishing season as #2 Top Power rank! Advanced supercomputer algorithm is placing Oklahoma Sooners (13-2) as #1 rank team, despite loss to Clemson in Round 3 playoff game. Is small, meaningless honor for Oklahoma, perhaps good fact for propaganda poster to attract new football recruits. Top Power rank is complex mathematical calculation, and supercomputer is unburdened by weak human emotion.

But is no celebration this day in Norman, Oklahoma SSR. Only in village of Clemson, South Carolina SSR is brief celebratory gathering permitted. There, as reward for successful season, one bottle of good Sovetskoye Shampanskoye is flowing clear and plentiful, like Volga River.

For USC Trojans (12-4, #3), long, unexpected good season is yet having very sad ending, like Tolstoy novel. Following loss to Florida State in Week One, USC is defeating strong division opponents UCLA and Stanford, and collecting enough victories to make playoffs. There, Trojans is utilizing #8-rank offense to avenge regular season losses to both Washington Huskies and Fighting Irish of Notre Dame on surprise path to championship game. Perhaps is not enough strength remaining to win final battle? Perhaps Trojan armor is having small hole, which enemy is exploiting?  

Southern Miss Eagles is proving superior to San Jose State to claim Tier 2 championship.

Southern Miss To The Top!… of Tier 2 level after defeat of Spartans of San Jose State.

TIER 2 CHAMPION: GOLDEN EAGLES OF SOUTHERN MISS

But Clemson is not only new champion team of America college football! Southern Miss Golden Eagles (15-1, #1 rank) is proving it is best team on Tier 2 level by defeating Spartans of San Jose State 43-32 in battle between #1 and #5 offenses on Tier 2 level.

Southern Miss is losing first game of season to weak Eastern Washington team, but is then executing difficult task of winning all remaining games – 15 total, including playoff victory over powerful WKU – to seize championship glory! Due to superior scheduling system, is almost impossible for any team to remain unbeaten for whole Commie Football season.

Spartans of San Jose State (13-2, #2), despite Week Nine loss to division rival UNLV, is making overall impressive season to become second consecutive T2/District 8 representative in championship game.

Is unfortunate situation, but due to ration, supply of Sovetskoye Shampanskoye is limited. Only South Carolina SSR is receiving one bottle. Fans in Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR is permitted to drink water from Leaf River, infused with bubbles from military air compressor. One liter each, maximum.

Our work has only begun. In our time we have an historic opportunity to shape a global balance of power that favors freedom and that will therefore deepen and extend the peace. And I use the word power broadly, because even more important than military and indeed economic power is the power of ideas, the power of compassion, and the power of hope.
I’m very glad my mother didn’t let me quit piano lessons at age 10. She said I wasn’t old enough or good enough to make that decision, and she was right. I remember at the time I was shocked. I did not like that my mother said those things to me. But when I got a chance to play with Yo-Yo Ma or more recently with Aretha Franklin, I thought, I’m really glad she said what she did.

SEASON IS COMPLETE. WHAT IS NOW PLAN?

Now is beginning of long college football offseason. But is not meaning is time for lazy American, sitting on fat yagoditsy, thinking only of taking perfect profile photo on VKontakte social website! (This is subtle message, intending for Bobby.)

Is yet much work to do to prepare for 2016 season! First is promotion and relegation, then necessary realignment on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels, and last is creation of new 2016 Commie Football schedule

Da, supercomputer is also requiring of critical repairs. Is complex pipe network inside supercomputer, to make cold environment, like Siberia just before dawn. Computer power is very hot. Is making big enough heat to supply entire interior of Emergency Secondary Headquarters! Including for hot tub of Bobby (there is other secret hot tub in complex, I am never showing to Bobby).

But if heat is too great, critical components of supercomputer is melting into puddle, like Kolka Glacier, due to recent global warming, due to necessary Soviet nuclear missile training and testing.

When Sibirskiye iris is beginning summer bloom, Intern Kyle is ending internship. Is difficult work to coordinate secret airlift for departure. Location is very remote. I am beginning this paperwork process soon, perhaps tomorrow. First step is requiring completion of webform on Internet, which I am asking Bobby to do. Is unusual. Bobby is completing this task very quickly….

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