In Russia, Only Blackout is From Too Much Vodka

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Is no surprise to Commie Football that Baylor Bears is having very good season – after all, Baylor is #1 Top Power team for many weeks now! But over past few days, Commie Football is having debate on Twitter about Baylor wearing “blackout” uniforms when playing big Thursday night primetime game against Sooners of Oklahoma. Fans of Baylor is all very excited to see #EveryoneInBlack and is saying “Here is best way to making big impression on national stage!” Baylor is winning this football game, so fan is happy and slapping hands on other fan’s back. Is wearing black making Baylor so scary that Sooners is too scared to play football game right way?

Here is EIGHT REASONS why Commie Football is thinking this is terrible trend:

1. Is unoriginal. Already is so many college football teams trying to make themselves look or play somehow better by wearing special “blackout” uniform. Simple Google Image search is showing how many teams is jumping on same bandwagon: Baylor, Oregon, BYU, UCLA, Northwestern, Boise State, Fresno State, Stanford, WashingtonEast Carolina, North Carolina, Utah, Virginia Tech, Arizona State, Louisiana-Lafayette, Texas A&M, Duke, Mississippi State, Rutgers, Ohio University, and this is only quick search! List is not even include teams only wearing nonsense all-black uniform except helmet, like Tennessee, Kentucky, Nebraska, and Tulane! Is more understanding, maybe even okay, when black is already traditional school color, like for TCU Horned Frogs or Colorado Buffaloes, but for all others is already old, tired cliche! Every new team saying “let’s do blackout!” is late to party! By the way, you notice about this list? None of these teams is winning recent championship! Maybe black uniform is curse?

In Russia, sports team is only wearing blackout uniform when playing game immediately following 18-hour shift at coal mine in Ural Mountains.

In Russia, sports team is only wearing blackout uniform when playing game immediately following 18-hour shift at coal mine in Ural Mountains.

2. Is disrespectful to tradition. Sometimes university is picking official colors many years ago, and fans/players are not liking these colors and are wishing team could be in different colors. Well, IS TOO BAD!  Is like flag of your country – if you are loving this school, then you must respect these colors and not change colors like willy-nilly. Many football players from this school is having played in these colors and is experiencing both glory and pain on gridiron! When school like Baylor, who is having very good traditional green and gold colors, is changing to black just because is “looking cool” – is disrespect to all past Baylor players and students!

3. Is disrespectful to history. Some fans is saying “Baylor has been a losing football program for many years. This is new type of football team for new era!” To this Commie Football is saying – is impossible to change or forget team’s history of losing only by changing uniform colors! If green/gold is meaning “losing” to team, then here is chance to change what colors are meaning! For fan who is seeing green/gold as losing colors, winning is now even more sweet! Every team is having history that is due respect, win or lose! If you are loser for many years, and now you are winning? Is even better! If nobody is respecting old teams or school colors, then school should change colors every time it is losing!

4. Is desperate for attention, like child. Some fans is saying, “Oh, the young players and the recruits all LOVE the black uniforms!” So opinion of fickle teenagers is superior to opinion of grown-ups and fans of many generations? Spoiled teenagers should be getting all they want, when they want? But if every team is wearing black uniform then who is teenager recruits going to pick? Is harder and harder choice every year! Is every team in country now expecting to wear special “blackout” uniform when is having big, important game? Big game is always meaning new uniform because how are you going to attract attention of teenagers?

As famous English poet Stepan Morrissey is saying, "I am wearing black on outside, because black is how I am feeling on inside."

As famous English poet Stepan Morrissey is saying, “I am wearing black on outside, because black is how I am feeling on inside.”

5. Is sign of insecurity. Is team feeling insecure in old “boring” uniform? You know who is NOT wearing stupid blackout uniforms? Many perennial powerhouse teams (and recent national champions) in country – Oklahoma, Florida, Ohio State, LSU, Penn State, USC, Texas, Notre Dame, Michigan – is not needing gimmick black uniform to attract recruits. Strength of program itself – including proud, traditional colors – is enough for recruiting top players! Not wearing latest fashion trend, or new fancy haircut to impress teenage girls in school cafeteria! This is what a “uniform” is representing! Not something you are changing whenever wind of trends is blowing this way or that way! Unnecessary blackout uniform is sign of weakness and insecurity. School is needing novelty to make fans excited. Irony is that traditional powerhouse schools are maybe only ones for who wearing special blackout uniform is not hurting overall brand. But if your campus is unattractive dump and football team is always bad and coaching is bad and school has nothing special to attract recruits, then black uniform is not helping you anyways!

6. Is capitalist plot. Anyone with brain is knowing why black uniform trend is so catching on – because is making money for pockets of rich school and uniform manufacturer with merchandise sales. Of course, if everyone had brain then they would not be running to Internet to buy new black uniform when is going on sale for $51.96.

7. Is bad for school brand. Oh, I am east coast casual football fan and was watching game on TV Thursday night – Oklahoma was looking bad. Sooners were losing game to… uh… was it Colorado? Or Missouri? Or Purdue? Some team who is looking like ink smudge from Midwest.” Okay, maybe you are not caring what casual fan on east coast is thinking. How about parents of star football recruit from Florida who is confused over who school is? Or AP Poll voter who is not knowing much about college football besides powerhouse schools? Hardcore fan in Waco is finding hard to believe… but most of nation is only having little idea what Baylor is looking like! In minds of people, color is always having strong link with school brand – color is main thing many people are remembering about teams. Changing color to anonymous #2 lead pencil is not helping people remember which school is who!

8. Is very – as American teenager is saying – “FUGLY”. Blackout? Is more like BLEGHK-out! Uniforms is looking very ugly. Is looking like uniform is accidentally being dropped into Yugra oil well, then drying in smoke from burning rubble of Stalingrad after Nazi invasion! Now is modern 2013 – not black-and-white photograph from time of Russian Revolution! Commie Football is liking to see colors!

You are thinking this opinion is too strong? Commie Football is not alone:

7 thoughts on “In Russia, Only Blackout is From Too Much Vodka

    • Da, is struggle because English is not native language. In Russia, when hiring editor is sometimes bringing danger. You are knowing good American editor who is not charging too many dollars? Or better, is accepting payment in ruble over internet? Commie Football is having open ears!

  1. Commie Football need editor? Why? It is seem that “Nani” perhaps is not having clue for understand nuanced writing style.

  2. Commie Football, please are forgive me. Gospodin Georgy is Tsarist BCS. Tovarisch Georgy is voice of PUACF. Voice of people.

    • Is no worry, Comrade/Tovarisch Bear! If KGB is asking question, I am explaining that is just joke you are making on internet chat. You are only living in gulag for two year, maximum, for this crime.

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