You are thinking that Alabama Crimson Tide is winning national championship game over Clemson to finish exciting 2015 season?
NYET! This is incorrect. In truth, inferior College Football Playoff is mere “warming up” to primary event – Commie Football Playoff! And in world of Commie Football, Crimson Tide is not making playoffs, due to second-place finish behind Ole Miss in District 4 West standings. For first time since 2012 season, is impossible for having exact same Commie Football champion… as in corrupt NCAA system.
Why is this? In inferior CFP system, to determine champion is only tiny, 4-team playoff. Commie Football is making strong argument in vintage blog post for expansion of college football playoff to include more teams. This plan is requiring improved organization and schedule formula to make fair for all college football teams. Only then, can fans of winning team enjoy moment of true, pure ekstaz of champion, before return to work in mining operation, munitions factory, or agricultural collective.
In processor of Commie Football supercomputer, is 16 teams now in hunt for eternal championship glory! Two representatives from each 8 geographic Districts compete in first round of playoffs (which is District Championship game).
Behold! You are now seeing Round 1 results of 2015 playoffs:
Location: East Rutherford, NJ
Final Score: West Virginia 26, Connecticut 24
Notes: Is successful season already for mediocre Mountaineers, who is finally seizing South division title from usual winner Penn State in final week of regular season. Now seeking revenge against Huskies due to embarrassing 37-19 loss in Week Five, WVU is proving to UConn (and entire world!) who is new czar of District 1. Is true, District 1 is historical weak district. Mountaineers is now winning five games consecutive, but is facing most difficult test in Round 2 playoff game vs. powerful Fighting Irish of Notre Dame (of District 5).
Location: Charlotte, NC
Final Score: Clemson 43, Duke 24
Notes: Tigers is defeating Duke for second time this season (first victory was Week Ten), climbing now to top ten Top Power ranking for first time in entire season. In world of Commie Football, Clemson offense/defense rank is unimpressive, but Tigers is winning games when is critical for advancement, so is now on to Round 2 of of playoffs vs. Ole Miss Rebels (of District 4).
Location: Nashville, TN
Final Score: Memphis 26, Michigan 25
Notes: Clemson is not only Tiger in playoff, as miracle Memphis Tigers is surprising world again, defeating Michigan for second time in season (also Week Six) to complete glorious rise to top of District 3. How is happen? #9-rank offense of Tigers is proving superior to #9-rank defense of Wolverines, by only one point. For Michigan, humiliation is great – Wolverines were #1 Top Power rank for two weeks early in season, but now is return home to Michigan SSR with wolverine claws ripped out of paw, like common only-in-house-living kitten. But celebration in Memphis is brief, for Tigers is now to face #1 Top Power rank Oklahoma Sooners (of District 6) in Round 2.
Location: Tampa, FL
Final Score: Ole Miss 37, South Florida 26
Notes: Rebels of Ole Miss is now winning second District 4 championship, consecutive. Is this true upset victory? Da, USF is having higher Top Power rank before game, and da, Bulls is already defeating Ole Miss in Week Ten. But USF schedule is soft, like warm, spreading maslo! Ole Miss, despite unusual losses to USF, Miami, and Arkansas during regular season, is playing schedule of defending division champion, which is making better prepared for ultimate playoff battle! Round 2 is bringing Clemson Tigers (of District 2) into arena!
Location: Chicago, IL
Final Score: Notre Dame 27, Iowa 25
Notes: After loss to Wisconsin in District 5 Championship last season, Hawkeyes is raising new expectation of fans, losing only one game during 2015 regular season. Notre Dame is also losing in first round, District 3 championship last season. But Week Five victory vs. Iowa, who is playing weak schedule, is now proving prophecy, when Fighting Irish is now seizing District 5 championship game! With good offense (#19) and defense (#17) balance, Irish is proving too steady, like Soviet ballistic missile, for #8-defense of Iowa, who is returning players to off-season labor in massive corn-processing collective. Notre Dame is advancing to Round 2 of playoffs vs. West Virginia Mountaineers (of District 1).
Location: Dallas, TX
Final Score: Oklahoma 35, Houston 23
Notes: Top-rank Sooners is having much experience of playoffs, winning District 7 championship last season. Oklahoma is now boasting of title in new district (due to realignment in off-season), following easy victory vs. Cougars of Houston. With #1-offense on Tier 1, Sooners is now #1 Top Power rank for five weeks, consecutive. Only imperfection during season is Week Two loss to rival Oklahoma State, but Cowboys is losing division race and is missing playoffs. One time climbing to #10 Top Power rank, Houston Cougars is losing three of final four games, including in Week Ten already to OU, as well as lowly UTEP in Week Twelve! Sooners is now facing feisty Memphis Tigers (of District 3) in Round 2… who is having history of shocking upset victories.
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Utah 31, Air Force 23
Notes: With now six-game win streak, Utah Utes is finally climbing to #10 Top Power rank, to accompany #10-defense rank. But, Utes is also playing very weak schedule – is this mask of weakness? Utah fans will know after Round 2 playoff game vs. USC Trojans (of District 8). For Air Force Falcons, is yet feeling of honor to be champion of weak South division. Highlight of season is upset victory over then-#9 Top Power rank Washington Huskies in Week 8.
Location: San Jose, CA
Final Score: USC 36, Washington 21
Notes: In competitive Week Six game, unbeaten Washington is defeating USC, but now in District 8 Championship, Trojans is tasting revenge! Finally, is erase bad memory of losing to Oregon last season in title game! Trojans is building steam cloud, like locomotive, all season with #6-rank offense and difficult schedule. For Washington, is much frustration as very good Huskies offense (#14) and defense (#13) is now only to work in off-season log-cutting factory. USC is facing Utah Utes (of District 7) in Round 2 of playoff.
IS NATURAL TO WANT MORE. BUT ROUND 1 IS NOT YET FINISH!
In one day, perhaps two – after I am finding passcode to open lock on interrogation chamber where Bobby and Intern Kyle is trapped – Commie Football supercomputer is calculating first round of Tier 2 playoffs, which is identical in organization to Tier 1.
Next week is results for Round 2 of playoffs (both Tier 1 and 2) when advancing teams is seeded 1-to-8, based on most recent Top Power rank. Highest-seed team is playing lowest-seed team, like common-sense tournament. As tribute to ancient era, seven remaining playoff games is played in traditional bowl game location: [from east to west: Orange (Florida SSR), Peach (Georgia SSR), Sugar (Louisiana SSR), Cotton (Texas SSR), Fiesta (Arizona SSR), Rose (California SSR), and Aloha (Hawaii SSR)]. Higher-seed team in matchup is choosing location for each game.
Here is Round 2 schedule (for Tier 1):
- (1) Oklahoma (12-1, #1) vs. (8) Memphis (9-4, #15) – Cotton Bowl
- (2) Notre Dame (10-3, #3) vs. (7) West Virginia (9-4, #14) – Orange Bowl
- (3) USC (10-3, #4) vs. (6) Utah (10-3, #9) – Rose Bowl
- (4) Ole Miss (10-3, #5) vs. (5) Clemson (10-3, #8) – Sugar Bowl
Sooners is choosing to make shortest trip, only to Dallas in Texas SSR, but is also not far for Memphis Tigers. If leaving today by wagon, team will arrive in time for game. Bowls of Peach, Aloha, and Fiesta is remaining playoff game locations.