More History of Football in Soviet Russia

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People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television for many years.

People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television, when electricity is available.

Is difficult to understand why evidence from previous season is not enough for imbecile Americans! Is yet many with false belief that football is unique sport invented in former United States.

lenin-scoreboard-op

Here is photo of Vladimir Lenin shouting score of football game to excited Soviet fans, who is yet learning rules.

This is lie! Is propaganda creation of former American government, who is always preventing truth from reaching ears of its people, as when is saying American astronauts is walking on Moon! Or when there is “Miracle on Ice” in 1980 Olympic ice hockey match and United States is winning gold medal over superior CCCP team! Weak-minded Americans is always believing in miracle first, and in statement of fact last!

Truth about history of football is this – sport being called “American football” is actual invention of Soviet Union. Is having origin when peasant farm workers is throwing potatoes as practice for grenade assault on Tsarist armies during Revolution of 1905. Vladimir Lenin is later writing first official rulebook, which is then stolen by American spy Walter Camp, who is introducing sport to United States.

big-three-watching-football

Here is photograph of Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin enjoying good seats and laugh at Soviet football game. Superior understanding of football strategy is helping Stalin to lead victory against Nazi Germany in Great Patriotic War.

Here is additional photographs from early history of sport, showing as 100% proof to all world of true origins (see previous post for more photograph evidence).

Many football games is yet today being played on field beside tomb of Vladimir Lenin, who is enjoying game so much, country is building beautiful, popular football stadium beside his tomb. Artificial turf is recently being replaced by natural tundra surface.

Week Seven: Remembered Shame is Fuel of Later Victory

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SHAME! Is common feeling in Commie Football.

SHAME! Is common feeling in Commie Football.

LAZY AMERICANS. SO EAGER TO DRIVE SUPERHIGHWAY, AVOID ROAD OF DIRT.

In every old capitalist college football system – NCAA, FBS, BCS, or CFP – is very common for team to be perfect 7-0 by this time of season. Why is this? Is because of nonsense conference system! Is because of incentive to pack schedule full with cupcake games, like young piglet stuffing for later slaughter! Is because of artificial popularity poll made by undeserving committee, a creation of hungry-for-advertising-revenue American television corporation, who is then saying every game is with very best teams! Bred sivoy kobyly!

Uggggh. Boooooored! Georgy is all like, TOTALLY obsessed with teaching us about Soviet military history, and I’m just like, barely awake… Leningrad, Novgorod, Stalingrad, Ostrogozhsk–Rossosh… BLUURRRGGG. Pass the kvass! Know what I’m sayin’? Anyway, I’m learning a lot, I guess. Oh, and what else was there… maybe just that… HARVARD’S STILL NUMBER ONE TOP POWER RANKING ON TIER 2, baby! Kyle, did you see that? I find that very interesting. I find that to be exceptional, don’t you think? The Russians love them some CRIMSON, amirite? Oh, but SIGGGH. It’s so lonely on the top. Perhaps the 1% know the pain of which I speak? Yeah, Georgy’s all like, fired up about the Battle of Kharkov or whatever, and I’m just like “DUDE. You don’t GET IT.” You know? Because I’m like, FREAKING OUT right now after Yale beat UMass this week. 36 to 34. And I know Yale’s like, still only 2-5 and totally in last place in the Tier 2, District 1 North division, and it’s not like it’s gonna be easy to get past Southern Miss and, YEAH, FINE – Harvard in the last game of the season. Aw, man – wouldn’t it be SWEET if Yale totally won out and Harvard lost the rest of their games, and it came down to the final game of the year – Harvard’s 7 and 4 and Yale’s 6 and 5 – and Yale totally beats Harvard’s ass and WINS THE DIVISION based on head-to-head tiebreaker? Dude! You would NOT be able to deny – that would be a total SIGN FROM GOD about what I’m supposed to do to Bobby.

When top college football team is suffering even one loss in antiquated system of NCAA, fans is weeping like drunken American debyutantka in nightclub bathroom, cursing before-favorite coach and young players. Football critics is saying is impossible for this team to now win “invitation” to miniature CFP playoff for make championship game.

Reaction is ridiculous! Is demonstration of weakness! Did Soviet Union quit war following disaster in First Battle of Kiev? NYET! Did fall of Kharkov result in Soviet surrender? NYET! One or two losing battles is not meaning war is finish!

PAIN NOW FOR LATER GLORY, IS POSSIBLE

Before Week Seven of Commie Football season, is only eight remaining unbeaten teams total, on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. Now, is even less! Washington Huskies (6-1) is losing first game of season by 31-29 score to back-from-dead Oregon Ducks (2-5). Also in District 8, California Golden Bears (6-1) is falling in defeat for first time by score 43-33 to Cougars of Washington State (4-3). Only one team is remaining unbeaten on Tier 1 level – but how long can Stanford Cardinal (7-0), who is enjoying easy 31-17 victory over Hawaii in Week Seven, remain without blemish, like rare Isaak Brodsky painting?

On Tier 2 level, is more damage for unbeaten teams! James Madison, Georgia Southern, and Sam Houston State is all suffering first loss of season in Week Seven.

Is season now over for Huskies and Cal? Should JMU, Georgia Southern, and Sam Houston abandon schedule and quit season? Is championship dream over for any team with only one loss?

NYET! Is only one battle! Full Commie Football season is long war, and is yet many opportunity for enough victory to make 16-team playoff and possible championship! Is fact – only teams with six or seven losses is already ineligible for playoff, but this is now include only 13 of 96 teams on Tier 1 level!

But da, single loss in playoff is resulting in immediate death.

Here is summary of results for exciting Week 7 games in Commie Football:

  • District 1: Temple Owls (5-2) is defeating Syracuse 24-17, moving back into tie for North division lead with Rutgers, who is losing 40-22 in medieval battle between Scarlet Knights and Black Knights of Army (3-4); Pitt Panthers (2-5) is tasting delicious nectar of 27-25 victory vs. nemesis Nittany Lions (4-3); WVU (4-3) is taking advantage with 29-22 victory vs. Navy Midshipmen to stay in South division playoff race.
  • District 2: Blue Devils (6-1, #8 rank) 35-28 victory vs. East Carolina is giving Duke a two-game lead in North division; Georgia Bulldogs (4-3) is teaching upstart Appalachian State (5-2, #20) a hard lesson in 26-19 victory; Clemson (5-2, #24) is destroying Tennessee Vols in 39-7 annihilation, to claim South division lead.
  • District 3: Buckeyes (5-2, #21 rank) is treating arch rival Michigan Wolverines (5-2, #13) to 30-16 beatdown; Michigan State (5-2, #17) is exploding all over Ohio Bobcats 67-17 to create 3-way tie with UM and OSU for North division lead; Memphis Tigers (5-2, #18) is surging with power to 54-29 victory vs. Kentucky Wildcats, to take lead in South.
  • District 4: South Florida Bulls (6-1, #10 rank) is destroying nemesis UCF 49-12 to maintain East division lead; Seminoles of FSU (5-2, #12) is lurking just behind after 37-11 victory vs. Miami Hurricanes; Ole Miss (5-2, #16) is recapturing advantage in West division with 28-12 victory vs. Louisiana Tech; Mississippi State (3-4) is clanging cowbell, defeating Crimson Tide (5-2, #22) in huge 28-17 upset victory; LSU (5-2) is missing good opportunity with embarrassing 34-30 defeat to usual weak Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette (4-3).
  • District 5: Fighting Irish (6-1, #3 rank) is making quiet comeback in Top Power rankings, fighting off Northwestern (5-2, #15) in key 31-29 victory; Iowa Hawkeyes (6-1, #4) is defeating Kansas State (5-2) 25-14 in equal critical South division game; Mizzou (6-1, #5) is sharing lead of South division following 24-18 victory vs. Cyclones of Iowa State
  • District 6: Oklahoma State (6-1) is gushing like Baku oil well up to #2 Top Power rank after 62-26 domination victory of Tulsa Golden Hurricane; Meanwhile, Oklahoma Sooners (6-1, #6) 55-40 win vs. Razorbacks of Arkansas is moving OU into 3-way tie for North division lead; Horned Frogs of TCU (6-1, #7) is third team in tie after easy 43-21 win vs. SMU; In South division, Houston Cougars (5-2, #25) is surprise beating Baylor Bears 43-27 in upset victory, is now tie for South lead with Texas A&M (5-2) who is embarrassing losing by score 21-19 to little Texas State Bobcats!
  • District 7: Defending Tier 2 champion Colorado State Rams (4-3) is surprising Boise State (5-2, #14 rank) in 26-24 upset victory; Air Force Falcons (4-3) is remaining in hunt for South division title with 37-19 victory vs.  ASU Sun Devils; Arizona Wildcats (4-3) is beating UTEP 38-29 to maintain tie for South division lead.
  • District 8: Oregon Ducks (2-5) is finally winning games, ruining perfect season of Washington Huskies (6-1, #9 rank) in 31-29 upset win; Wazzu (4-3) is also wrecking perfect season of Cal Golden Bears (6-1, #11) with 43-33 upset victory; Stanford (7-0, #1 rank) is last remaining unbeaten Tier 1 team after 31-17 win vs. Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii.

ON TIER 2, HERE IS NEWS OF TOP FIVE TEAMS

Harvard Crimson (7-0, #1 rank) is continue success with 39-18 victory vs. Brown to maintain #1 Top Power rank; In best game of week, featuring two unbeaten teams, McNeese State Cowboys (7-0, #2) is defeating Sam Houston State 29-25 to seize control of District 7 playoff race; Toledo Rockets (6-1, #3) is continue to fly high in 36-29 over Chippewas of Central Michigan; Southern Miss (6-1, #4) is efficient defeating of Samford by score 50-23; 2014 runner-up Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (6-1, #5) is climbing again near top of hill after 34-28 over Georgia State.

Tier 2 Playoffs: Who is Most Patriot? Minuteman or Eagle?

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During American Revolution War of old times, "minutemen" soldiers, led by legendary patriot Pavel Revere, is defending Massachusetts SSR from imperial armies of Great Britain. Later, is releasing punk rock music album "Double Kopeyki on the Ruble."

During American Revolution War many years ago, “minutemen” soldiers, led by legendary patriot Pavel Revere, is defending Massachusetts SSR from British imperial army. Later, is releasing influential punk rock music album “Double Kopeyki on the Ruble.”

Is peculiar custom of American sports team to choose nickname of patriotic symbol: Eagles, Patriots, Yankees, Generals, Bullets, Minutemen, 76ers, Independence, Freedom, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness….

Okay, last name on list is not nickname of sports team (that KGB is yet finding). But is accurate description of cliché American motivation. Other word with same meaning is “selfishness.” When he is writing Declaration of Independence, stupid Tomas Jefferson is writing wrong words. Should be “life, liberty, and pursuit of whining like hungry piglet!”

After Soviet takeover of America, is debate behind Kremlin walls of changing American college football team nicknames to better reflect new world order. Central committee is making list of acceptable nicknames: Reds, Redbirds, Red Socks, Big Red, Red Wolves, Bears, Crimson Tide, Miners, Hammers, Sickles, Cornhuskers. But is too many teams. Ultimate decision is to allow existing nicknames, as gesture of kindness to ungrateful American people. Also, holodets (meat jello) with pickled cabbage is now only snack available at stadiums.

As in Tier 1 playoffs, quarterfinal round of Tier 2 playoffs is finding most higher-seed teams winning. Only exception is surprise upset victory by UMass Minutemen over #2 Top Power rank Georgia Southern Eagles. Is similar to when Georgy Washington is killing last bald eagle living in Pennsylvania SSR, to roast over fire at Valley Forge and eat by self, while common soldiers of lower rank is freezing, starving, and dying in brutal winter conditions.

Here is ROUND 2 results of 2014 Tier 2 playoffs:

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Final Score: Colorado State 34, Tulane 20
Notes: With superior balance on offense and defense, top-ranked CSU is making relative easy victory over Tulane Green Wave. But Tulane is performing better than expectation in playoffs, finally climbing into Top Power 25. Rams is now advancing to Tier 2 semifinal round, for second season consecutive. Perhaps next year, Colorado State is taking resplendent green and orange uniform to Tier 1 level? But first, can Rams beat UMass this week?

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: UMass 37, Georgia Southern 30
Notes: In biggest upset of playoffs Round 2, Minutemen is traveling south into enemy territory and defeating opponent who is spending entire season in Tier 2 Top Power 10 ranking. Minutemen defense is even match with GSU offense, but in end, UMass offense is proving better than Eagles defense, and UMass is taking muskets to next round, to face top-seed Colorado State Rams.

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: San Marcos, TX
Final Score: Texas State 39, Appalachian State 29
Notes: In match of top-10 offenses, Bobcats is showing superior firepower. Texas State is climbing to #2 Top Power rank for second time this season, while Appalachian State is returning to mountains to drown sorrows in illegal homemade alcohol. KGB is eventual finding, raiding, and arresting suspects. Texas State is next facing Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky in semifinal Round 3.

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Bowling Green, KY
Final Score: Western Kentucky 60, Illinois State 25
Notes: Hilltoppers is following epic takedown of top-ranked Western Michigan in Round 1 with utter destruction of Illinois State Redbirds in Round 2. With top-ranked offense in Tier 2, WKU is proving to perhaps be surprise, most-dangerous team remaining in playoffs. But is Hilltoppers also having foot of Achilles in weak, #57-rank defense? Texas State is finding out in Round 3.

Intern Bobby is saying...OMG, speaking of soldiers starving at Valley Forge, I’m like, soooo hungry since I woke up from the hyperbaric sleep chamber. I think the super-rich oxygen like, messed with my metabolism or something, because I have this GIGANTIC appetite. Every day, I’m like OUTTA MY WAY, I’M EATING ALL OF THE EMERGENCY STORES, but Georgy got all weird and angry about it, and now he’s making me ration. I told him (jokingly) that he would have to like, put a padlock on the food storage chamber doors. But then he totally did, and now I’m all like, “ughhhh” and back to eating slices of potato skin that I soak in the hot tub (because the water adds a kinda salty taste) and roast in the furnace.

ROUND 3 OF PLAYOFFS IS FINAL FOUR!

Here is schedule for Round 3 semifinals of Tier 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Colorado State (13-1, #1) vs.
    (7) UMass (11-3, #6)
  • (3) Texas State (12-2, #2) vs.
    (4) Western Kentucky (12-2, #3)

Is good semifinal schedule. Is shame #4 seed Georgia Southern Eagles is losing. But remember, many Tier 2 teams is possible for promotion to Tier 1 next season, even if losing in playoffs. Is also possible for champion team, like 2013 North Texas Mean Green, to not qualify for promotion, if fans is not attending game in sufficient numbers.

Stupid History of American College Football Champion

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Logo for College Football Playoff is being based on cave drawing made by Neanderthal

Logo for College Football Playoff is being based on cave drawing made by Neanderthal many thousands of years ago.

AMERICA: FOREVER HUNGRY FOR TRUE COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHAMPION

For many years, angry American college football fans is arguing about best teams playing for championship. Is ancient tradition, older than sport itself, encoded in DNA of human species. Fans is like poor peasant nevol’nik, forever hungry. Is happy to boil and eat leather from own dirty shoe, because is tasting better than der’mo goulash older ancestor is eating.

College Football Playoff is making big promise to fix system and give to fans best format to determine one true champion at end of season. This is lie! CFP is simple repeating of history, with purpose to make most money for wealthy capitalist dogs! Even innocent, true angel Condoleezza is succumbing to seduction!

Below you are reading history of failure to determine yearly champion of American college football, and learning truth about many flaws of CFP system. Then, you are accepting of Commie Football 16-team playoff as best possible solution for determining of true champion!

Here is old KGB photo showing famous American gangster Albert Capone

Here is old KGB photo showing famous American gangster Albert Capone enjoying laugh and celebration with illegal alcoholic drink, after Illinois Fighting Illini is being named as 1927 national champion team.

 

Intern Bobby is saying...So, the other morning I’m up on the roof of the shack, clearing off like THREE FEET of snow, ‘cuz it’s covering all of the vent pipes and the shack is like a death sauna – completely filled with steam, smoke, and carbon monoxide. I’ve been feeling paranoid lately anyway, just because I keep seeing things in the woods (like this) and hearing weird noises and stuff. Plus, Georgy kept me up late, drinking his homemade vodka and telling me stories about the time he tracked a rabid bear for five days and eventually killed it with a sharp stick, all because it ruined his babushka’s cabbage crop. Anyway, so I’m more than a little out of it. I go to move these heavy, ice-packed branches off the roof, when suddenly – something tackles me. RACCOON ATTACK! I start screaming and curl into a ball, and there’s like three or four angry raccoons jumping on my head and back, hissing, biting, scratching (lucky I had on about a million layers). Georgy comes flying out of the shack, and I hear this metal “shhhiiiinnng!” sound, followed by squealing. I hear Georgy yelling “you know, you know!” and I’m all like, “YEAH, I KNOW! THEY’RE KILLING ME!” but I guess Russians call these critters “yenot” (or something like that). Anyway, Georgy goes all Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on them with his bayonets. He keeps the fattest one to make a stew out of it. And then (and this is the type of guy he is) he gives me an early Christmas present – a new yenot-skin cap!
  1. BIRTH OF SPORT: As this is explaining previous, sport named “American football” is invention of Soviet Union. Is having origin when peasant farm workers is throwing potatoes as practice for grenade assault on Tsarist armies during Revolution of 1905. Vladimir Lenin is writing first rulebook, which is then stolen by American spy Walter Camp, who is introducing sport to United States, where thirst for blood is national drink.
  2. ROVING FREAKSHOW: In years before conference alliance and meaningless bowl game, each college football team is like wandering circus, free to put on show with any other team. But this is era of Great Depression. Roads is clogged with mud, and horses is having many diseases. Powerful team is sometimes playing weak junior college just over next hill, who is not having enough players and is forcing children with polio on roster. Many teams is finishing with unbeaten record every season, then having argument via carrier pigeon over who is champion of entire country.
  3. DIRTY MONEY: In era of Prohibition, American gangsters is having many strong alcohol drinks at illegal nightclub and making debate over who is best college football team. First “polls” is propaganda to trick rival gangster to make large money bets on wrong team at speakeasy.
  4. INTRODUCTION OF HUMAN BIAS: Following Great Patriotic War, polls like AP and UPI is popular invention of corrupt football journalists, to pay off bribe to gangsters. Each football “expert” is voting for team of booster collective paying most bribe money in brown paper bag. Football coaches is all voting for own team. Every season is two or three team saying “I am top champion.”
  5. FAULTY MATH: Early mathematical systems of 1960s for determining champion is too simple, like creation of young child with pinky finger in pile of coal ash. Many is trying to fix math to award championship to teams from old seasons! America is not having superior mathematician, like Sofya Yanovskaya to solve problem.
  6. USA BANK OF STUPID BOWL GAME, BRINGING TO YOU BY MULTINATIONAL TECHNOLOGY CORPORATION WITH IDIOT NAME: Enemy-of-the-people Ronald Reagan is master to proliferation of meaningless bowl games with complex television contracts and arbitrary, automatic conference alliance. Each season, fans is seeing five strong teams not play each other, with each claiming championship!
  7. BCS IS MESS: In recent past, fans is thinking complex computer algorithm is determining best teams to play in top bowl games, but truth is this – television executives is making decision at secret luxury resort, basing outcome on immoral games of chance.
  8. COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF: Is end result of broken history to determine American college football champion. Central committee members having personal and financial bias to favor certain teams is entire system! Argument over best two teams is now even more stupid argument over #5 team in country! Whoever is saying this is true playoff is using spoon to plow field, instead of tractor!
  9. PROBLEM SOLVED: In 2012, Commie Football is revealing Manifesto to reorganize American college football and fix broken system of determining true champion.

To all true American college football fans – pozhaluysta!

Now, here is slogan for chanting at next game: Chempion reshili putem golosovaniya prisushche nedostatok!Meaning is difficult to explain. Do not worry about this.