Week Three: Beware of Duck, Falling from Sky

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Is mystery how beaver could operate airplane?

Is mystery how beaver could operate airplane? Only in USSR is military scientists training animals for combat using modern machinery.

ALL ANIMAL IS HUNTING, KILLING, DEVOURING DUCK

Every week, is many surprise in Commie Football. As example, in Week Three of 2015 season is simultaneous losing of both teams from 2014 championship game. Ohio State Buckeyes, perhaps looking too far at future opponents Michigan and Notre Dame, is overlooking Hoosiers of Indiana (mere 3-9 record last season), and is losing in shock 28-21 upset defeat. Most surprise is sudden fall of Oregon Ducks, two-time consecutive loser of PUACF championship game, who is now losing ALL games, dropping to pathetic 0-3 record after disaster 43-31 defeat by rival little brother team of Oregon SSR, Beavers of Oregon State. At bottom of District 8 North division, is playoff hope of Ducks already dead like Trotsky?

Why is this happen? Due to superior logic of Commie Football schedule, best teams from one season is playing more difficult schedule in next. Same team winning most games for many consecutive seasons is indeed rare, like delicate Fabergé egg.

TOP POWER RANKING IS BIGGER, MORE BETTER

Who is true Top Power?Only idiot is making college football ranking before Week Three of season! Is why Commie Football is waiting until now to reveal new Top Power Ranking, result of complex Soviet supercomputer algorithm. Always to provide more information, position of all 96 teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels will be updated for display every week. Top Power system is based first on most important statistic – NUMBER OF VICTORIES. Next is combination of many factors – strength of victory, strength of opponent, and critical measures of offense and defense output. This number is called TP SCORE and is showing overall relative strength of team versus other team with same number of victories.

In world of Commie Football, every team is playing fair schedule. Elimination of all cupcake games against teams from inferior level is meaning every victory is true challenge, and meaningful measure of strength. Is impossible for almost all teams in District to have winning record, like in corrupt SEC or Big 12 conference of old times!

After three games of 2015 season, here is new “Top Dawg” in town! Unbeaten Georgia Bulldogs is debut #1 Top Power team of 2015, following impressive victories over Michigan State, South Carolina Gamecocks, and hated rival Georgia Tech Yellowjackets.

Remainder of debut Top Power Ranking is here. After Bulldogs, rest of top ten is this: West Virginia, Florida State, UCLA, Ole Miss, Mizzou, Michigan, Rutgers, Notre Dame, and Kansas State.

You are now thinking – where is powerful MSU Spartans? Why is lack of respect for TCU Horned Frogs and Bears of Baylor? Is important to recognize – is natural for Top Power Rankings to experience many change during season, in same way beautiful Ural Mountain meadow is changing through season from wild-growing flowers to deep, impenetrable ice and gangrene.

Here is review of Week Three stories from Tier 1 Districts:

  • District 1: Rutgers is yet unbeaten (3-0, #8) after 28-11 victory vs. Boston College; Also unbeaten UConn Huskies (3-0, #15) is defeating Syracuse 29-26 in OT; WVU (3-0) is destroying rival Terps of Maryland 45-6.
  • District 2: Is shock, shame in Clemson after Tigers is fall victim to 21-13 upset by new Tier 1 teamAppalachian State (2-1); Blue Devils of Duke (2-1) is fighting to top of District 2 North with 33-22 victory over Wake Forest; NC State (1-2) is proving superior to Tarheels of North Carolina, 30-23.
  • District 3: Memphis Tigers (2-1) is top District 3 South team after huge 64-24 destruction of Arkansas State Red Wolves; Unbeaten Wolverines of Michigan (3-0, #7) is alone top District 3 North after 29-12 victory over Ohio Bobcats; Michigan State (2-1) is feeling lucky to have narrow 34-33 win vs. Bearcats of Cincinnati.
  • District 4: Unbeaten FSU (3-0) is defeating USF Bulls 29-12 to debut at #3 Top Power rank; Ole Miss is moving to 3-0, #5 rank following easy 49-11 defeat of Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette; LSU (3-0, #14) is past difficult test, beating tough like skin of cow Mississippi State 22-20.
  • District 5: Northwestern Wildcats (3-0, #16) is lifting glorious Land Of Lincoln Trophy following 31-25 defeat of Fighting Illini; Mizzou (3-0, #6) is topping crowded District 5 South after 35-19 defeat of Nebraska Cornhuskers; Fighting Irish of Notre Dame (3-0, #9) is claim mythic Shillelagh Trophy after 51-34 defeat of rival Indiana SSR team Purdue.
  • District 6: Sooners of Oklahoma (2-1) is making many fine points in 68-24 victory over SMU; Oklahoma State (2-1, #19) is making large statement in 44-41 OT victory vs. Horned Frogs of TCU; Texas A&M (3-0, #18) is showing rival Texas Longhorns who is top sheriff of Texas SSR in 29-24 victory.
  • District 7: Texas Tech Red Raiders (2-1) is improve position after 47-34 defeat of Arizona State Sun Devils; Boise State (2-1, #20) is claiming epic 41-38 OT victory over Utah Utes; Colorado Buffalos (2-1, #24) is scoring unusual 24-0 shutout victory over BYU.
  • District 8: Bruins of UCLA (3-0, #4) is taking easy 42-15 victory over Hawaii Rainbow Warriors to sit top District 8 South; Stanford (3-0, #17) is defeating winless Aztecs of San Diego State 40-22, tying with Bruins for South division lead; Huskies of Washington (3-0, #12) is drinking from delicious Apple Cup trophy after 33-24 victory vs. hated rival Wazzou.

IS TOO, TIER 2

Do not forget about intense competition on Tier 2 level! Is only 16 teams remaining with unbeaten 3-0 record, with many interesting names at top of Tier 2 Top Power rankings: Bowling Green (#1); William & Mary (#2); Toledo Rockets (#3); Princeton (#4); San Jose State (#5); James Madison (#6); Salukis of Southern Illinois (#7); FIU (#8); 2014 runner-up Western Kentucky (#9); and McNeese State (#10). Like Tier 1, Tier 2 Top Power Rankings is very volatile early in season. Yet is true, best measure of strength of all teams!

STAFF UPDATE

“Member of Staff” Bobby is prancing about, puffing chest like vazhnichat’, due to perfect 3-0 record of Harvard Crimson (#11), in spite of Bobby now being expelled from this school! Nemesis Yale football team is beginning season opposite way, already with 0-3 record. This is causing Intern Kyle (who is prestigious “red shirt” member of Bulldogs team) to become very angry, breaking logs for furnace with forehead, instead of using provided handsaw.

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