Week Nine: Jaw of Tiger is Making Rebel Yell Fall Silent

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Here is photo showing Colonel Reb being dragged by neck toward city of Memphis in Tennessee SSR.

Ole Miss Rebel leader is reported captive. Here is gruesome photo, maybe showing Colonel Reb dragging with broken neck toward city of Memphis in Tennessee SSR. CLICK TO MAKE BIG.

Long time ago, in Week Two of this football season, powerful Crimson Tide of Alabama, a playoff team in 2013, is losing in upset to Memphis Tigers, a team playing last season on Tier 2 level. Every American college football “expert” is thinking this is impossible result! Only “tiger” team to have worry about is LSU or Auburn! Maybe, Clemson.

In Week Nine, Memphis Tigers is showing again it is also ferocious, after surprise defeating #1 Top Power rank Ole Miss Rebels by score 38-25. Glorious victory is elevating Memphis to 6-3 record in very strong District 4, and Tigers is also rising to #23 rank in Top Power 25.

Is not only surprise upset in Week Nine! Miami Hurricanes (6-3, #24 rank) is handing defending champion Florida State first loss of season, 39-31. Other ferocious tiger team from Clemson (5-4) is beating Georgia Bulldogs 33-19. Also making upset victories is two Wolf Pack teams NC State (beating East Carolina 22-13) and Nevada (beating Cal 31-29). Because of superior schedule formula, every week of Commie Football is good competition. Is difficult for even powerful team to win every game!

Intern Bobby is saying...Whoah. Like, speaking of tigers? Last night, I was shoveling out the latrine again? I know, I know – how many times does an intern have to shovel out a latrine in one week, right? Turns out this little, furry animal – some kind of weird-looking squirrel or something – fell into the pit and died, and was like, clogging up the drain. So I had to chop down a long branch from this nearby tree and fish it out. Georgy tied a rope around the trunk and I tied the other end around my waist, and like, lowered myself down the side of the pit a little bit to reach it. Can you say *NOT* pleasant? Anyway, I snag the corpse and the pit starts bubbling again, and I hoist myself out and stand up, and it’s all quiet. I hear this like, mean-sounding growl coming out of the woods. I totally freeze – I’m staring into the shadows, and I slowly scrape some latrine poop off my legs so I can like, whip it at whatever’s about to attack me, and I go, “GEORGY? LITTLE HELP HERE?” and then I hear it – laughing. Georgy comes walking out of the woods, and goes, “You are needing help? Is there TIGER hiding behind tree?” and he’s like, doubled over howling. I’m like, “Old man – you do that again and they’ll be fishing YOU out of the latrine pit! For REALZ.”

New #1 Top Power team is Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, who is defeating Hoosiers of Indiana 42-24. Fighting Irish is last unbeaten 9-0 team in Tier 1, and is to face Ohio State Buckeyes (8-1, #2 rank) in first round of playoffs (District 3 Championship game), after OSU is easy winning 42-16 over Cincinnati Bearcats and clinching District 3 South division.

Is also exciting playoff race in other Districts! Auburn (8-1, #6) is now putting tiger paw in front of Seminoles in District 4 East Division, because AU is having perfect 4-0 division record. In District 5 South, Cornhuskers of Nebraska (6-3) is having playoff advantage over Iowa, due to Week Three victory.

With big 32-20 victory over Texas A&M, TCU Horned Frogs (7-2, #10) is now taking driver’s seat in District 6 West division. In District 8, Oregon Ducks (7-2, #12) is catching up to Golden Bears of California in North Division, but is yet losing tiebreaker, due to Week Two loss.

Good news for Ole Miss is lead in District 4 West standings, but is yet facing brutal schedule of FSU, LSU, and rival from Egg Bowl, Mississippi State!


Is historic week for unbeaten Georgia Southern Eagles. With 37-19 victory over Florida Atlantic, GSU is clinching District 3 South division playoff spot, and also is soaring over Western Michigan to become new Tier 2 #1 Top Power rank team, according to advanced Soviet supercomputer algorithm.

Other team purchasing Tier 2 playoff ticket is Samford Bulldogs (9-0, #3 rank), who is winning weak District 4 North division with simple 28-10 victory over Alabama State. UMass (7-2, #8) is winning key victory over Yale Bulldogs, is putting Minutemen in District 1 playoff driving seat. Richmond (6-3) is defeating William & Mary 21-16, giving Spiders playoff advantage. South Alabama Jaguars (6-3, #25) is taking lead in District 4 South after 30-9 victory over Troy Trojans. In District 6, 33-29 North Dakota State (6-3, #20) victory over Northern Iowa is giving Bison playoff edge. In District 8, San Jose State (7-2, #18) is now in lead after 36-31 victory over Southern Utah, together with surprise 33-27 UNLV loss to Cal Poly (5-4).

Is old saying from Russia: Delit’ shkuru neubitovo medvedya. Is meaning, “Do not divide pelt of bear, if bear is not yet dead.” Is yet three weeks of Commie Football regular season to decide all 16 teams in playoffs. Metaphorical tiger is hunting every team in Top Power 25.

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