Tier 2 Playoffs: Spear is Puncturing Rocket, Causing Malfunction

Share Button
Here is photo of Soviet missile defense system Southern Miss Eagles is using against attack of Toledo Rockets.

University of Southern Miss is spending many rubles on construction of missile defense system, in expectation of attack from Toledo Rockets. But is ineffective in fighting Spartan. Now, is useless, and yet student is having to pay special tax!

Like brutal Battle of Stalingrad, each new Commie Football season is war of attrition. Superior schedule matrix is meaning no team is ever playing weak, cupcake opponent from lower-tier school! And when is team enjoying relaxing, lazy American tradition of “bye week” during season? NEVER!  Each game is yet one battle in vicious, season-long war! Is impossible to win all! Only very strongest teams from each District is winning enough to advance to playoffs, and there must fight to death, four more strong opponents on path to eternal championship glory!

Following relegation after bad 2012 season on Tier 1 level, Southern Miss Eagles is landing in same division as Tulane Green Wave. Tulane is easy crushing Eagles in both 2013 and 2014 regular seasons. But now, is 2015. Tulane is moving to new District during off-season realignment, allowing Golden Eagles to gain strength enough to finally defeat rival Green Wave in Week 11 victory.

This week, is rematch of brutal enemies. Could Southern Miss again defeat Green Wave of Tulane? You are knowing this, now.

Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 44, Tulane 26
Notes: Like powerful-yet-lightweight paper towel (invention of Soviet science during Great Patriotic War) Southern Miss (14-1, #1) is fully absorbing Green Wave of Tulane, like scum from surface of stagnant ozero, and then wringing out, into backyard stochnaya truba, to eliminate from 2015 Tier 2 championship chase! Tulane (10-5, #8) is having good season, even better than 2014, but is perhaps already expending too much of own wave energy during upset defeat of Georgia Southern last week. Next question is this – can Southern Miss Eagles fulfill destiny and win Tier 2 championship game next week?

Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 34, Toledo 33
Notes: Like true warriors of ancient Sparta, where every citizen is member of military, Spartans of San Jose State (13-2, #2) is making successful invasion of enemy Ohio SSR territory, winning difficult victory by single point of spear, to advance to championship game and eternal glory, maybe! SJSU is having almost as powerful offense (#4 rank) as Southern Miss (#1), but Spartans defense (#40) is superior to USM (#54). Can San Jose State rise up to fight greatest battle of season versus powerful Southern Miss, or will Spartans experience another Battle of Leuctra?

Uggghh… forgot about all the stupid “incident reports” I have to fill out! Type, type, type! I asked Georgy if I could go BACK into the interrogation chamber and just like, hang out there instead of having to do this paperwork, but he said he changed the passcode.
Dude. Whatever was in that hyperbaric sleep chamber gas? I keep thinking I’m seeing Condoleezza Rice walking around this place, and it’s wigging me out.

WHO IS WINNING FINAL BATTLE OF 2015 SEASON? WILL EAGLE FLY HIGH IN SKY, OR WILL SPARTAN IMPALE WITH SPEAR?

On one hand, eagle is having very sharp talons, for ripping and shredding meat of prey. Attack is coming swift from above, tearing into critical areas, such as eyes, and brain. Once prey is on ground, eagle is then striking with sharp beak into chest, ripping out heart and eating in view of victim, who is yet breathing and conscious for many seconds.

On other hand, Spartan warrior is mindless machine of killing, training from very young age how to throw spear with great accuracy, and use sword to impale enemy, without mercy or hesitation. If bleeding victim is then begging for mercy, Spartan is immediately thrusting sword again through heart and/or brain, to ensure quick death. Then Spartan is searching for next enemy victim.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>