Is today Orthodox Christmas Day. Intern Bobby is snuggling in warm hyperbaric sleep chamber, where I am awaking from long, nearly one-fortnight hibernation only yesterday, one or two days earlier than plan. This is because Bobby is puncturing chamber wall with old bayonet. And why? He is becoming panic when food storage unit is running low on Ukrainian walnut butter!
With puncture, super-rich oxygen gas is escaping sleep chamber with sudden force. Bobby is falling and hitting head on metal pipe, opening small wound. Sight of own blood is then causing Bobby to faint, falling forward and smashing face on other small faucet, breaking front tooth. After, I am performing dental surgery, using vodka-drenched serviette for anesthesia.
Now, Bobby is resting with comfort in chamber. Is my gift to him for Orthodox Christmas.
For gift to me, Bobby is giving hand-carved wooden footballs (see photo). Is being very thoughtful gift, but is unfortunate, because when I am gathering wood for primary furnace, first football is with accident rolling into white-hot furnace oven. Is impossible to save. Then, when I am hiking into snowy forest to chop more trees for wood, I am having to throw second wooden football in defense against large pack of angry, wild wolves and yenot.
But enough of friendly talk about holiday, because…
LONG, COLD WAIT IS OVER (ALMOST)
- District 1: Temple (10-2, #9) vs. Penn State (9-3, #14)
- District 2: East Carolina (9-3, #16) vs. Tennessee (9-3, #18)
- District 3: Notre Dame (11-1, #1) vs. Ohio State (10-2, #4)
- District 4: Florida State (10-2, #5) vs. Ole Miss (10-2, #6)
- District 5: Wisconsin (8-4, #22) vs. Iowa (8-4, unranked)
- District 6: Arkansas (10-2, #7) vs. TCU (10-2, #3)
- District 7: Oklahoma (8-4, #25) vs. BYU (8-4, #23)
- District 8: Oregon (10-2, #2) vs. USC (10-2, #8)
- District 1: UMass (9-3, #11) vs. Villanova (9-3, #14)
- District 2: Richmond (8-4, unranked) vs. Appalachian State (10-2, #7)
- District 3: Coastal Carolina (8-4, #24) vs. Georgia Southern (11-1, #3)
- District 4: Samford (10-2, #8) vs. Tulane (7-5, unranked)
- District 5: Western Michigan (12-0, #1) vs. Western Kentucky (10-2, #5)
- District 6: Northern Iowa (9-3, #17) vs. Illinois State (10-2, #6)
- District 7: Stephen F. Austin (8-4, unranked) vs. Texas State (10-2, #4)
- District 8: Colorado State (11-1, #2) vs. UNLV (9-3, #15)
Results of only true, fair college football playoff games will post here in one week’s time. I am hoping Intern Bobby is waking before then, because furnace will require additional firewood from forest, and is his turn to face rabid wolves and yenot.