Week One: Is Many Big Bangs

Share Button

wk1-many-big-bangsIn old times of NCAA, all American college football teams is playing cupcake opponent in first week (or more) of season. Many teams at top FBS level is then bragging about undefeated record and fans is thinking this team is for destiny to be BCS champion! As season is progressing, undefeated teams is having argument about who is best ranking, because teams is never playing game against each other until executives for bowl game named after corporation is thinking they are making many rubles for certain teams to meet in this game on television.

In Commie Football, innovative schedule formula is set in iron, is making top Tier 1 teams from previous season play other strong teams, one following another. Such thing as easy cupcake game is not existing! Every week is tough game against Tier 1 opponent, and only true strongest team is winning Division, plus four playoff games against top opponents, to win championship. Only cupcake is at championship meal after season. Is customary reward for head coach of winning team to eat (if there is available sugar).

intern-bobby-is-saying

OMG. So I’m *psyched* that the season has finally started! Especially because Georgy had me doing all of this weird stuff – gathering wood, digging potatoes, polishing his bayonet collection, etc. and I was all like “What does this have to do with football?” and he’s like “You are seeing this American movie – Karate Kid? Comrade Miyagi?” And I’m like, “Old man – that movie was made before I was even BORN!” I mean, who am I? Like, Nostradamus?! Anyway, I was always pretty good at math, so I’m helping Georgy with all of his “secret spreadsheets”. Oh, and I also started whittling. Peace out!

 

 

 

Is very difficult for Commie Football champion to repeat two years consecutive. 2013 champion Seminoles of Florida State is continuing as strong team in Week One of 2014 season, but Utah State Aggies, only two seasons later from glorious 2012 Commie Football championship, is now being destroyed 41-5 by Florida Gators in opening week. Here is other highlights of top teams from last season on Week One Scoreboard:

  • Florida State 35, Oklahoma State 26
  • Oregon 39, Louisville 26
  • Oklahoma 31, Alabama 21
  • Auburn 40, Boise State 19
  • Georgia 40, Connecticut 15
  • Texas A&M 36, Northwestern 18
  • Baylor 41, Missouri 13
  • USC 20, Ohio State 18
  • LSU 23, Wisconsin 16
  • Virginia Tech 24, Boston College 18
  • UCLA 33, Michigan State 26
  • Stanford 23, Michigan 9

You are finding complete Week One scoreboard at this link. Well… is almost complete scoreboard.

WHY IS NOT COMPLETE SCORES?

Commie Football scoreboard is based on complex Soviet supercomputer algorithm, but supercomputer is requiring proper data (and many pieces of firewood) for program to make proper calculation. When temperature outside is too dangerous cold for gathering of firewood, Intern Bobby is chopping up wooden furniture to feed to supercomputer. But when few teams, for example Cincinnati Bearcats (Tier 1, District 3) and all Ivy League teams on Tier 2, is not playing any football games yet, is impossible for computer to crunch these numbers. When all teams are playing games, then supercomputer is having proper data and all old game scores is then being calculated.

WHERE IS TOP POWER RANKING?

Soviet supercomputer is also needing complete data for making Top Power calculation. Is only idiot who is making rankings of best teams, following first game of new season.