Promotion & Relegation: Is “Redrum” for Some Teams

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Here is photo Bobby is taking showing vision of Condoleezza in hallway here at emergency secondary headquarters.

Here is photo Intern Bobby is taking, showing vision of Condoleezza in rare-used corridor of emergency secondary headquarters. Bobby is having long conversation, but is not telling me what Condi is saying, which is making me very angry. VERY VERY ANGRY.

When Commie Football season is ending following Tier 1 and Tier 2 championship games, is natural for to become quiet here at emergency secondary headquarters. In past years, is taking perhaps two or three weeks to make repairs to exterior structure, due to harsh winter climate. Then is many days of hunting wild game in deep forest in order to replenish food storage. Then is perhaps one week more in hyperbaric sleep chamber, for body to repair from injuries of football season. Then, is time for running Soviet supercomputer algorithm to determine promotion and relegation for next season.

What is this meaning? At end of every Commie Football season, some teams is earning promotion from Tier 2 to Tier 1 for next season. Also opposite, some teams is moving down from Tier 1 to Tier 2 in process called relegation. Is very common system to European professional sport league, but is never popular in American sport leagues. Until Commie Football is bringing!

But this is unusual offseason. First, is endless snowstorm and extreme cold temperature, strange even for remote Russia. This is freezing and destroying communications equipment, preventing contact with outside world. Second, is eerie quiet in headquarters, with only sound of low hum in server chamber (and perhaps faint sound of dissonant violins).

Intern Bobby is saying...All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy.

Third, is strange behavior of Intern Bobby. After overflowing hot tub like wild animal at end-of-season celebration, Bobby is then forgetting to make critical final season standings and Top Power rankings updates to website. Later, I am discovering missing emergency food supplies, half eaten in Bobby’s chamber wastebasket. Is he finding secret way to pick lock on food storage chamber? Is impossible! Lock is always secure. Also, review of security camera footage is showing that Bobby is in his own chamber most hours.

Finally, I am one day hearing Bobby speaking in corridor. When I am looking, Bobby is standing at one end of long passage, speaking to someone at opposite end, saying “forever and ever and ever.” Wave of excitement is overtaking me as I am seeing vision of Condoleezza Rice at other end of hallway.

In this vision, Condi is beautiful and smiling, but not waving hello. Then is sudden disappearing! I am shaking Bobby by shoulders, screaming “What is Condoleezza saying?! What is latest news on mission to undermine corrupt, inferior College Football Playoff system?!” But Bobby is only staring into distance, never telling what she is having said to him! This is more evidence of Bobby being simple-minded, spoiled American rebenok!

But please, let us return to promotion and relegation. Here is moment you are waiting. Is four teams making leap from Tier 2 to Tier 1 for next football season:


RISE TO TIER 1
:

CSU_2014TXSTAPPUTEP

  • Colorado State Rams (15-1, #1) – After glorious victory in Tier 2 championship game, CSU is now returning to Tier 1 level after three seasons on lower level. Here is good question – is CSU now strongest football program in Colorado SSR? Rivalry games against Colorado Buffs and Air Force Falcons is now again possible.
  • Texas State Bobcats (12-3, #3) – Many college football fans is never hearing of this team. But Texas State is emerging from crazy difficult District 7 West division and advancing to Round 3 of playoffs, before losing to eventual runner-up Western Kentucky.
  • Appalachian State Mountaineers (11-3, #7) – WVU is not only Mountaineers in Tier 1! Appalachian State is rebounding from two losing seasons to become District 2 champion and advance to Round 2 of playoffs, where is losing Texas State. Average attendance is also very strong.
  • UTEP Miners (9-3, #10) – Is perhaps most surprising team to receive promotion, but UTEP is powerful team, only missing playoffs due to great season of Texas State. Average attendance is also higher than many teams already on Tier 1.

Some fans is asking – where is Tier 2 runner-up team WKU? Georgia Southern? Western Michigan, who is remaining unbeaten until losing in first round of playoffs? This is where average attendance is critical measurement. Western Kentucky is having very good season, but as 2013 Tier 2 champion Mean Green of North Texas and runner-up Buffalo Bulls is learning one year ago, not every team advancing to championship is automatic receiving promotion invitation! All Tier 1 teams must have certain level of support from fans.

Now, with four teams receiving promotion, must also four teams receive delegation. Is sad, redrum day for these teams, who will play next season on Tier 2 level:


DROP TO TIER 2
:

  • Bowling Green Falcons (3-9) – BGSU is having bad season, winning only against two other relegation teams and almost-relegated Ohio Bobcats. Is a return of Falcons to Tier 2 after two seasons at top level.
  • Northern Illinois Huskies (3-9) – Here is team experiencing actual success in recent seasons on Tier 1, but is always having terrible attendance. For teams like this, is lesson – relegation is forever only one bad season away!
  • Kent State Golden Flashes (3-9) – Little Kent State is always fighting above weight. Is surviving relegation last season, but is now returning to lower Tier after two bad seasons at top level.
  • Ball State Cardinals (1-11) – Ball State is Tier 2 runner-up in 2012, then is posting winning record on Tier 1 level in 2013. Is surprise to see tiny Ball State playing with big boys, but sharing Indiana SSR fans with Notre Dame, Purdue, and Indiana Hoosiers, miniscule Ball State is attracting less than 10,000 fans to home games on average. Oh, and also is horrible season record. So is back to Tier 2 for Cardinals!

Next post is explaining promotion and delegation on lower Tiers, including teams receiving promotion from Tier 3 to Tier 2 for 2015 season, as well as delegation from Tier 2 to Tier 3 (and do not forget about Tier 3 to Tier 4)!

I am just having thought. Perhaps if I smash Intern Bobby’s door with sharp topor, he is then revealing what Condoleezza is saying to him.

Tier 2 Playoffs: Who is Most Patriot? Minuteman or Eagle?

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During American Revolution War of old times, "minutemen" soldiers, led by legendary patriot Pavel Revere, is defending Massachusetts SSR from imperial armies of Great Britain. Later, is releasing punk rock music album "Double Kopeyki on the Ruble."

During American Revolution War many years ago, “minutemen” soldiers, led by legendary patriot Pavel Revere, is defending Massachusetts SSR from British imperial army. Later, is releasing influential punk rock music album “Double Kopeyki on the Ruble.”

Is peculiar custom of American sports team to choose nickname of patriotic symbol: Eagles, Patriots, Yankees, Generals, Bullets, Minutemen, 76ers, Independence, Freedom, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness….

Okay, last name on list is not nickname of sports team (that KGB is yet finding). But is accurate description of cliché American motivation. Other word with same meaning is “selfishness.” When he is writing Declaration of Independence, stupid Tomas Jefferson is writing wrong words. Should be “life, liberty, and pursuit of whining like hungry piglet!”

After Soviet takeover of America, is debate behind Kremlin walls of changing American college football team nicknames to better reflect new world order. Central committee is making list of acceptable nicknames: Reds, Redbirds, Red Socks, Big Red, Red Wolves, Bears, Crimson Tide, Miners, Hammers, Sickles, Cornhuskers. But is too many teams. Ultimate decision is to allow existing nicknames, as gesture of kindness to ungrateful American people. Also, holodets (meat jello) with pickled cabbage is now only snack available at stadiums.

As in Tier 1 playoffs, quarterfinal round of Tier 2 playoffs is finding most higher-seed teams winning. Only exception is surprise upset victory by UMass Minutemen over #2 Top Power rank Georgia Southern Eagles. Is similar to when Georgy Washington is killing last bald eagle living in Pennsylvania SSR, to roast over fire at Valley Forge and eat by self, while common soldiers of lower rank is freezing, starving, and dying in brutal winter conditions.

Here is ROUND 2 results of 2014 Tier 2 playoffs:

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Final Score: Colorado State 34, Tulane 20
Notes: With superior balance on offense and defense, top-ranked CSU is making relative easy victory over Tulane Green Wave. But Tulane is performing better than expectation in playoffs, finally climbing into Top Power 25. Rams is now advancing to Tier 2 semifinal round, for second season consecutive. Perhaps next year, Colorado State is taking resplendent green and orange uniform to Tier 1 level? But first, can Rams beat UMass this week?

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: UMass 37, Georgia Southern 30
Notes: In biggest upset of playoffs Round 2, Minutemen is traveling south into enemy territory and defeating opponent who is spending entire season in Tier 2 Top Power 10 ranking. Minutemen defense is even match with GSU offense, but in end, UMass offense is proving better than Eagles defense, and UMass is taking muskets to next round, to face top-seed Colorado State Rams.

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: San Marcos, TX
Final Score: Texas State 39, Appalachian State 29
Notes: In match of top-10 offenses, Bobcats is showing superior firepower. Texas State is climbing to #2 Top Power rank for second time this season, while Appalachian State is returning to mountains to drown sorrows in illegal homemade alcohol. KGB is eventual finding, raiding, and arresting suspects. Texas State is next facing Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky in semifinal Round 3.

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Bowling Green, KY
Final Score: Western Kentucky 60, Illinois State 25
Notes: Hilltoppers is following epic takedown of top-ranked Western Michigan in Round 1 with utter destruction of Illinois State Redbirds in Round 2. With top-ranked offense in Tier 2, WKU is proving to perhaps be surprise, most-dangerous team remaining in playoffs. But is Hilltoppers also having foot of Achilles in weak, #57-rank defense? Texas State is finding out in Round 3.

Intern Bobby is saying...OMG, speaking of soldiers starving at Valley Forge, I’m like, soooo hungry since I woke up from the hyperbaric sleep chamber. I think the super-rich oxygen like, messed with my metabolism or something, because I have this GIGANTIC appetite. Every day, I’m like OUTTA MY WAY, I’M EATING ALL OF THE EMERGENCY STORES, but Georgy got all weird and angry about it, and now he’s making me ration. I told him (jokingly) that he would have to like, put a padlock on the food storage chamber doors. But then he totally did, and now I’m all like, “ughhhh” and back to eating slices of potato skin that I soak in the hot tub (because the water adds a kinda salty taste) and roast in the furnace.

ROUND 3 OF PLAYOFFS IS FINAL FOUR!

Here is schedule for Round 3 semifinals of Tier 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Colorado State (13-1, #1) vs.
    (7) UMass (11-3, #6)
  • (3) Texas State (12-2, #2) vs.
    (4) Western Kentucky (12-2, #3)

Is good semifinal schedule. Is shame #4 seed Georgia Southern Eagles is losing. But remember, many Tier 2 teams is possible for promotion to Tier 1 next season, even if losing in playoffs. Is also possible for champion team, like 2013 North Texas Mean Green, to not qualify for promotion, if fans is not attending game in sufficient numbers.

Never Forget, Is Also Tier 2 Playoffs!

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With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

IS INCLUDE MANY EMOTION, LIKE THRILL OF VICTORY, GRIEF OF DEFEAT, AND REVENGE OF OLD FEUD

Is also very exciting American college football playoff games on Tier 2 level. Only difference from Tier 1 playoffs is this: Round 1 (District Championship) game is playing at home stadium of team with better record. Some is liking this better than travel to glamorous location, such as Aloha Bowl in Hawaii SSR.

But many is asking if Commie Football season is too long. I am hearing every day in whining American accent (okay, is Intern Bobby), “But when’s it going to be oooo-ver? And what about the student-ATHletes? You know, STOODENT-athletes? Like, when do they have time to go to CLASS even?”

Is stupid questions. In Commie Football, only 16 of 96 teams is making playoffs on each Tier. So instead of play in meaningless bowl game in Florida SSR or Bahamas SSR, most student-athletes is returning to old pile of hay in university dormitory, sharing sliced, raw skin of potato, and watching playoff games on small communal television.

Here is results of ROUND 1 of 2014 Tier 2 playoffs:

r1-t2-d1District: 1
Location: Amherst, MA
Final Score: UMass 47, Villanova 23
Notes: Embarrassing Week 12 loss to Brown is waking up UMass, who is then pummeling Wildcats of Villanova to win District 1 Championship. Is showing good balance this season of offense and defense, but is maybe flying under radar in weak District? Minutemen is next facing tough Georgia Southern in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d2 District: 2
Location: Boone, NC
Final Score: Appalachian State 33, Richmond 25
Notes: Appalachian State is returning to winning ways this season, beating Spiders of Richmond for second time in four weeks to claim District 2 crown. Mountaineers look only so-so with offense and defense statistics, while Spiders is mere stumbling into playoffs from weak division. Since consecutive losses to New Mexico Lobos (Week 4) and weak Liberty Flames (Week 5), Mountaineers is winning eight games consecutive, and is facing dangerous Texas State Bobcats in Round 2.

r1-t2-d3 District: 3
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: Georgia Southern 44, Coastal Carolina 25
Notes: High-power offense of Georgia Southern is carrying team to victory against mediocre Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina, who is ending season with three-game losing streak and not even in Top Power 25. Eagles is suffering only one loss in Week 11 to Appalachian State, and is carrying strong momentum to battle UMass in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d4 District: 4
Location: Homewood, AL
Final Score: Tulane 41, Samford 18
Notes: Last season, Tulane Green Wave is losing close District 6 Championship game to North Dakota State. This season, team is playing good-enough defense to survive difficult schedule and sneak into playoffs, unranked. Surprise Samford is climbing as high as #3 Top Power rank while opening season 9-0, but is beating many weak teams and eventual losing to Troy (Week 10) and Chattanooga (Week 12), so maybe Bulldogs is not possessing critical skills for playoff competition. Green Wave is making playoff victory look easy, even in visitor stadium. But will not be so easy in Round 2 vs. top-ranked Colorado State.

r1-t2-d5 District: 5
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Final Score: Western Kentucky 52, Western Michigan 37
Notes: All America is yet trying to understand upset of top-ranked, unbeaten Western Michigan! Hilltoppers of WKU is demonstrating angry explosion of #1-rank offense, now winning every game since intense 31-29 loss to WMU (Week 5), and also avenging famous incident involving brutal attack at WKU mascot Big Red. For Broncos, is sudden, disappointing end to exciting season. Sad WMU fans is now turning hope to promotion to Tier 1 for 2015 season. But for WKU fans, dream of championship glory is to continue next week in Round 2 playoff game vs. Illinois State.

r1-t2-d6 District: 6
Location: Normal, IL
Final Score: Illinois State 41, Northern Iowa 21
Notes: Illinois State is rising from obscure corner of Tier 2 this season to slowly climb Top Power 25 ranking, and eventual win strong-like-cold-steel District 6 with #1-rank overall defense. Northern Iowa is also enjoying surprise playoff run, winning division over perennial power North Dakota State, but Panthers offense is no match for ISU. Road for Redbirds is becoming more difficult in Round 2 vs. Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky – when #1 offense is meeting #1 defense in battle for all ages!

r1-t2-d7 District: 7
Location: San Marcos, TX
Final Score: Texas State 60, Stephen F. Austin 22
Notes: Texas State is emerging from three-team dogfight with UTEP and New Mexico Lobos to claim West division title, and also slaying other Texas SSR school, Stephen F. Austin two times this season. SFA is like little brother wanting to enter hard drug trade to idolize older brother, but is instead being beaten by #2 offense of older brother for own good, as strange show of love. And yet, proud Lumberjacks is accomplish rare feat this season – starting as #12 seed in District to make to championship game. Bobcats is climbing as high as #2 Top Power rank this season, losing only to tough Lobos and Louisiana-Monroe, and is facing Appalachian State in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d8District: 8
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Final Score: Colorado State 39, UNLV 29
Notes: Colorado State, in resplendid orange-and-green uniform of old times, is playing like team on critical KGB mission. Last season, Rams is sneaking into Tier 2 playoffs, surprise winning District title over UNLV, surprise upsetting top-seed North Dakota State, and almost surprise beating eventual champion North Texas in Final Four game. This season, is different – Rams is now #1 Top Power rank after repeat beating of UNLV in District 8 Championship. CSU is having very good offense and defense, and playing very difficult schedule, taking down UNLV Rebel team that is even better than last season. CSU will now face lowest-seed Tulane in Round 2 of playoffs. What if history is repeating from last year, only with CSU losing to lowest-seed team? This is irony, da?

Intern Bobby is saying...Blegh. So I’ve been like, *super* groggy and out-of-it ever since Georgy put me to sleep in that hyperbolic chamber thing. I don’t even know how many days I was in there, but it was definitely more than two. AND I’m missing a front tooth! But, Georgy showed me the surveillance tape and it was definitely my own klutzy fault. I told Georgy to erase it, but he’s all like, “Nyet, I will enter into American Funny Home Video competition on television.” I don’t know. It’d kind of be cool to be famous, I guess.

PREPARE FOR ROUND TWO OF PLAYOFFS

Here is schedule for Tier 2/Round 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Colorado State (12-1, #1) vs.
    (8) Tulane (8-5, #20)
  • (2) Georgia Southern (12-1, #2) vs.
    (7) UMass (10-3, #8)
  • (3) Texas State (11-2, #4) vs.
    (6) Appalachian State (11-2, #7)
  • (4) Western Kentucky (11-2, #5) vs.
    (5) Illinois State (11-2, #6)

Look at this schedule. Then, wipe drool from mouth. I am saying this to Intern Bobby often, due to missing tooth and always-running, disgusting drool from mouth.

Week Six: All of America is Hearing Loud Screeches

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In recognition of Temple Owls flying high to #2 Top Power ranking, city officials is issuing one commemorative flag to every Philadelphia household.

In recognition of Temple Owls progress to #2 Top Power ranking, Philadelphia mayor is issuing commemorative flag to every household in city. Is required by penalty of imprisonment to hang outside door.

WHAT IS THIS SCREECHING SOUND? SHRILL, LIKE FEROCIOUS, SWOOPING BIRD?

Oh, is only unbeaten Temple Owls, who at halfway point of 2014 season is having flown on strong wings to #2 Top Power rank. On Week Six Scoreboard, Temple is defeating Virginia Cavaliers in close game, 30-26.

Here is warning to all teams: OWLS IS HAVING SHARP CLAWS! This is surprise to you? If you are following 2014 Commie Football Schedule, you are seeing that Temple is defeating all decent Tier 1 teams, no cupcakes: South Carolina Gamecocks, Rutgers, Syracuse, Wazzou, Pitt, now Virginia. In world of Commie Football, victories is most important measure of success. Team with best record is higher in Top Power rank than team who is knowing what is like to be called neudachnik by bully friends!

Remainder of schedule is looking in favor of Owls, who is playing many other weak District 1 teams. Can Temple Owls become undefeated #1 rank team? All citizens in city of Philadelphia is holding breath, like submerged top-secret Shchuka nuclear attack submarine.

All of Philadelphia is catching fever of Temple Owls. Here is special bell, which city official is ringing when Temple is making #2 Top Power rank. Is very sad because useless old bell, which is at one-time important symbol of old American regime, is having large crack and is making ugly sound.

All of Philadelphia is catching fever of Temple Owls. Here is special bell, which city official is ringing when Temple is making #2 Top Power rank. Is very sad because useless old bell, which is at one-time important symbol of old American regime, is having large crack and is making ugly sound.

WEEK SIX FOOTBALL GAME HIGHLIGHTS:

  • District 1: Temple is beating Virginia 30-26, da-da-da, is discussed above. But is tie at top of South Division between Penn State (5-1, #16 Top Power) and West Virginia Mountaineers (5-1, #19). Nittany Lions is having edge, due to Week Three victory over WVU.
  • District 2: In battle of surprise first-place Division leaders, is East Carolina Pirates (5-1, #21 Top Power) defeating Kentucky Wildcats (5-1, #18) 28-20 for momentary District supremacy. With loss, Wildcats is now in tie at top of South Division with Georgia Bulldogs (5-1, #11). You can guess who Kentucky is playing in Week Seven, this week?
  • District 3 is also weak District. Leading North Division, unbeaten Notre Dame (6-0, #3 rank) is crushing Kent State Golden Flashes 65-25; Ohio State Buckeyes (5-1, #7) is leading South, following 31-24 lazy win vs. Bowling Green; Louisville (4-2) is trying to keep up, beating Ball State 51-21.
  • District 4: Undefeated Ole Miss (6-0) is holding on to #1 Top Power rank with 33-23 victory over the Gators of Florida; in best game of week, Florida State Seminoles (6-0, #5) is defeating strong Mississippi State (5-1, #12) 31-29; and oh! Look at Auburn (5-1, #14), wrecking own perfect record with stupid 32-21 upset defeat to Arkansas State! (Hmm… something about nickname “Red Wolves” is sounding good to me.)
  • District 5: Golden Gophers of Minnesota (5-1, #20) is standing alone at top of North Division, after brutal 29-8 takedown of defending District champ Mizzou (3-3); Nebraska (4-2) is staking claim in South Division, following 31-20 victory over tough Northwestern (4-2, #23); sharing lead with Cornhuskers is Iowa Hawkeyes (4-2), who is humiliating Northern Illinois 57-18.
  • District 6Arkansas Razorbacks (6-0, #6 rank) is almost as big of surprise as Temple, defeating Texas Longhorns 22-20 to remain unbeaten; Aggies of Texas A&M (6-0, #4) is surviving scare from Louisiana Tech, winning 29-28 but dropping one spot in Top Power rank; Baylor Bears (5-1, #10) is not so lucky, is “blowing it” in 50-41 upset loss to Rice Owls (2-4). Everywhere is dangerous Owls!
  • Everything is big mess in District 7, knocking all teams from Top Power 25! Utah Utes (3-3) is defeating Sooners of Oklahoma (4-2) in 30-29 upset victory; Utah State (4-2) is also winning in 27-21 upset over Oklahoma State Cowboys (4-2); Arizona Wildcats (4-2) is also beating BYU (4-2) 29-26, creating situation where there is three-way tie for first place in both North and South Divisions.
  • District 8: Halfway through season, is incredible eight teams from District 8 with identical 5-1 record and showing up in Top Power 25! Stanford (#8), UCLA (#9), Cal (#13), Beavers of Oregon State (#15), USC (#17), and Washington Huskies (#22). Is going to be ugly bloodbath in coming weeks in this District.

TIER 2: IS NEW SHERIFF IN TEXAS SSR

Forever resplendent in permanent green and orange uniform, Colorado State Rams (6-0) is defeating Cal Poly 49-16 and remaining T2 #1 Top Power team. But who is this at #2? Is Texas State Bobcats (6-0), who like true cat killing prey, is leaping two spots in Top Power rankings after 73-19 annihilation of sad Lamar Cardinals, even leaping over Georgia Southern (6-0, #3), who is winning 45-25 vs. one-time #1 Top Power team Coastal Carolina (4-2). Western Michigan (#4), Yale Bulldogs (#5), Stephen F. Austin (#6), and Samford (#7) is other remaining unbeaten teams in Tier 2.

Speaking of owl, I am of recent shooting such a wild bird that is landing on head of Intern Bobby, with arrow. First shot is not killing, so bird is making many scratches on head and face of Bobby, very much with sharp claws. I am then clubbing this bird with scrap of wood nearby. Wood is having old, rusty nail attached, and this is then stabbing Bobby in shoulder. Is accident. I am making cold compress from nearby forest moss for wound, and giving Bobby rest of day off. Is back to make Tweets, early next morning.