2014 Champions is Perhaps Not Surprise

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With hard shell for head, Brutus Buckeye is not requiring to wear football helmet.

With hard shell for head, Brutus Buckeye is not requiring to wear football helmet.

TIER 1 CHAMPION IN ALL WORLDS: OHIO STATE BUCKEYES

Pozdravlyayu to the Buckeyes of Ohio State, champion of the 2014 college football season – in all worlds, including Commie Football! Ohio State is dominating Oregon Ducks 42-20 in Commie Orange Bowl championship game, to end season bathing n eternal glory.

Perhaps this is not surprise. Da, this is second season consecutive in which Commie Football supercomputer algorithm is awarding championship to same team as nonsense system supported by corrupt NCAA. Many fans is asking – what is it meaning when superior Soviet system is producing same result as evil, capitalist system? Some are even saying in whiny voice, “But I liked it better when Commie Football crowned like, a totally random team, like when Utah State won the championship in 2012.”

Is typical American response. Is nobody happy when “surprise” team wins? And is nobody happy when “expected” team wins also?!

Look at weakness of current College Football Playoff system. Committee of idiot judges (except Condoleezza, of course) is picking four teams to appear in playoff. Ohio State is almost not included, due to player injuries, personal bias, and socio-political interest of committee members. Fans of TCU and Baylor is crying tears in Shiner Bock beer, when neither Horned Frogs nor Bears is receiving invitation to miniscule, 4-team CFP playoff.

Here is truth – this will be same argument next season, and season after that, and so on – UNTIL 16 teams at MINIMUM is making playoffs! This season, CFP system is having simple beginner’s luck, including OSU in playoff as low #4 seed as afterthought. But Commie Football supercomputer algorithm is confirming that da, for fact it is the Buckeyes who are best team in college football this season! Only losses is in Week One to USC and Week 11 to Penn State, after OSU is already clinching playoff spot. After defeating top-rank Notre Dame in District 3 Championship game, Buckeyes is beating Tennessee and TCU on way to championship victory over Oregon.

Oregon Ducks (13-3, #2) is runner-up, losing championship and #1 Top Power rank, perhaps due to weakling #35-rank defense. Is second season consecutive that Ducks is losing in championship game. Here is advice – next season, spend more time designing strategy for winning football game, instead of designing fancy uniforms in every color of rainbow, looking like pizhama for children!

In world of Commie Football, TCU (12-3, #3) and Ole Miss (12-3, #4) is finishing with better rank than Florida State (10-3, #6) (who is losing to Ole Miss in District 4 Championship) and Alabama (4-8) (who is not even making to playoff)! Many more surprising results come from final 2014 Standings.

And of course, fans of Baylor Bears (9-3, #12) is continuing to make big bear-size tears, because even in Commie Football, Baylor is good team, but TCU is better. Perhaps is curse of ugly, nonsense, alternate blackout uniform? Spend more time designing strategy for winning football game instead of ugly uniform in non-traditional color for school!

Ram Boy, crying miracle black tears, is becoming most famous superfan of Colorado State.

Ram Boy, crying miracle black tears, is becoming holy icon of Tier 2 champion Colorado State Rams team.

TIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP: CSU RAMS CLIMB MOUNTAIN, NEXT CLIMB TO TIER 1?

Ohio State is not only championship team in America today! Colorado State Rams (15-1, #1 rank) – looking like champions in glorious orange-and-green uniforms – is proving it is best team on Tier 2 level by defeating Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky 41-38, a team with frightening, top-rank offense. But in end, it is weak #63-rank defense by WKU that is allowing Colorado State to emerge victorious by only three points.

But CSU is now suffering regret, missing undefeated season due to Week Eight loss to Eastern Illinois Panthers. Due to superior scheduling system, is almost impossible for any team to remain unbeaten for whole Commie Football season!

Fans in Kentucky SSR is forgetting sorrows in bottom of illegal homemade whiskey jar, but all is not lost for WKU. After glorious District 5 title and playoff run, fans of Hilltoppers is now hoping that Big Red blob mascot will move up to Tier 1 next season… to perhaps meet Brutus Buckeye on field of battle in District 3?

Intern Bobby is saying...Georgy’s all like (in his accent), “Season is over. You are now going home to America.” But then I’m like, “Uh… this is a FULLLLL YEEEEAR internship, remember? Two semesters. You got me until May, old man.” Finally, he’s like, “Is fine. Is many repairs to be making to concrete roof and rusting pipes of emergency secondary bunker. First, you are fixing problems made when you are overflowing hot tub water into computer server chamber.” Geh…. It was AN ACCIDENT! Like I’m the only one who’s ever drank too much kvass and tried to make an indoor skating rink, AMIRITE?

IS NEXT: PROMOTION & RELEGATION

Excitement of Commie Football is not ending with championship games!

Is no summer vacation! During offseason, Soviet supercomputer is making calculations to determine promotion and relegation of teams between Tiers.

Last season, is much controversy when both Tier 2 champion (North Texas) and runner-up (Buffalo) is not receiving invitation for promotion to Tier 1 level. But look at this – neither UNT nor UB is making Tier 2 playoffs this season! Is more proof that Soviet supercomputer is having more intelligence than simple brain of common American! Intern Bobby is proving this fact to me, every day.

You are returning to website in few weeks’ time for news of promotion and relegation.

Playoffs Round 2: Is Surviving of Fittest

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If you are understanding "survival of fittest" theory of evolution by Kharl Darwin, then you are understanding why Commie Football is killing and replacing weak College Football Playoff system.

If you are understanding “survival of fittest” theory of evolution by Soviet scientist Kharl Darwin, then you are understanding why Commie Football is eventual eating and making srat of weak, inferior College Football Playoff system.

REBS, DUCKS, FROGS, AND NUTS IS YET LIVING. ALL OTHER TEAMS IS EXTINCT. 

World of Commie Football is holding many surprises for American college football fan. Superior organization, schedule, and playoff system is meaning only true, strongest teams is advancing, while impostor teams is returning to home university campus to weep in communal shower room, located in cold, hard basement level of dormitory tower, when water is available.

In old BCS and CFP systems, many times inferior, impostor team is making to top of opinion poll with easy, cupcake schedule and influence of booster collective, who is paying many dollars to pollsters of AP, in order to secure vote. If pollster is not accepting of bribe money, he is sudden disappearing, like Leon Trotsky.

And yet, sometimes in rare case, such as 2013, Commie Football is declaring same champion as in corrupt BCS/CFP system. Perhaps this is true, natural order, as in famous teachings of Kharl Darwin! Is yet possible this season also, as all four games of Round 2 is won by team with highest seed.

r2-t1-alohabowl

Game: Aloha Bowl
Location: Honolulu, HI
Final Score: Oregon 41, Oklahoma 27
Notes: Top-ranked Ducks is utilizing powerful offense to destroy resistance of weak Sooners defense. Oklahoma is also scoring points, but object of game is to finish with more than opponent. Overall, is good season for Sooners, who is making strong return to playoffs. But is Oregon advancing now to Round 3 (final four teams) for second season, consecutive to meet #1-rank defense of Ole Miss Rebels.

r2-t1-cottonbowl

Game: Cotton Bowl
Location: Arlington, TX
Final Score: TCU 39, Wisconsin 20
Notes: Horned Frogs is suffering from historical lack of respect, first from other, more powerful college football teams in Texas SSR, then from administrative districts across entire American continent. Many is making gesture of insult at strange, amphibian mascot. Yet now, is Frogs who are hopping up and down, stabbing soft belly of enemy with sharp horns! Is very best example of American expression “hopping mad”! Badgers and TCU is having amazing same-ranking of defense, but superior offense of TCU is winning game. Next week, can sharp horn of TCU frog make puncture wound into hard shell of Ohio State Buckeye nut?

r2-t1-peachbowl

Game: Peach Bowl
Location: Atlanta, GA
Final Score: Ohio State 39, Tennessee 20
Notes: Buckeyes is taking risk, choosing playoff game location in city close to homeland of Vols. By end of game, stadium is wearing more red than orange, showing support for both OSU (and Mother Russia). Tennessee is simply not good enough to defeat top offense and #4-rank defense from land with two circular sides and elevated middle. Buckeyes is next to face angry-from-perception-of-disrespect TCU Horned Frogs.

r2-t1-sugarbowl

Game: Sugar Bowl
Location: New Orleans, LA
Final Score: Ole Miss 29, Penn State 17
Notes: Is maybe not revenge obshchiy for losing old American Civil War, but Rebels of Ole Miss is returning to land of cotton with northern Nittany Lion tail in hand. Top-rank defense of Ole Miss is smothering weak Penn State offense, and “rebel yell” of fans is making pain in ears of PSU coaches, just like in old song by William Idol.

 

ROUND 3: SEMIFINALS (SOME IS CONFUSING CALLING “FINAL FOUR”)

Is interesting that final four teams in Tier 1 playoff is all having same 12-2 record. Commie Football playoff is ideal system, where superior team is always rising to next level. Is not sentimental television commercial for weak American beer, tasting like water used for washing of dirty botinok! Here is Round 3 schedule:

  • (1) Oregon (12-2, #1) vs. (4) Ole Miss (12-2, #4) – Rose Bowl
  • (2) TCU (12-2, #2) vs. (3) Ohio State (12-2, #3) – Fiesta Bowl

In next day or two, you are visiting website to learn fate of teams playing in second round of Tier 2 playoffs.

Is Only Start of Hunt for True College Football Champion

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Premier Putin is again winning Heisman Trophy this season.

Premier Putin is again winning Heisman Trophy this season.

Many fan is thinking that College Football Playoff is exciting finish to season. In truth, is mere prelude to main event – Commie Football Playoff!

Da, CFP is perhaps slight better solution than old, terrible BCS system. Champion team is being determined by miniscule, 4-team playoff, rather than contest of popularity in stupid newspaper poll.

But yet, is many problem. Commie Football is already making strong case in previous blog post here for expansion of college football playoff. This plan is requiring new organization and schedule to make fair for all teams. Only then, can fans of winning team enjoy moment of true, pure udovletvoreniye of champion, before return to work in munitions factory, mining operation, or agricultural collective.

In world of Commie Football, is 16 teams in hunt for eternal championship glory! Two from each geographic District compete in first round of playoffs, which is also serving as District Championship game. Below you are seeing Round 1 results of 2014 playoffs:

r1-t1-d1District: 1
Location: East Rutherford, NJ
Final Score: Penn State 24, Temple 20
Notes: For three seasons consecutive, Nittany Lions is winning District 1 South and making to district championship game, but this victory over Temple Owls is first time winning. Other than strange Week 7 loss to puny Maryland, PSU is enjoying steady, if unspectacular season led by #8-rank defense. With weak schedule, Temple is enjoying unexpected 7-0 start to season, climbing as high as #2 Top Power rank with strong #2-rank defense. But is making stumble down stretch, losing to Arizona State and South Florida, and now this. Penn State will face Ole Miss in second round of playoffs.

r1-t1-d2District: 2
Location: Charlotte, NC
Final Score: Tennessee 32, East Carolina 23
Notes: Volunteers is continuing surprise season, sneaking into Top Power 25 two weeks ago and stealing District 2 South title in final week with shock 24-23 victory over Georgia Bulldogs. Trend is continue with surprise easy win vs. East Carolina, putting brake on Pirates’ #10-rank offense. ECU season is better than expectation, but late-season fading is include losses to NC State and Clemson. Is perhaps foreshadow of playoff failure? Vols is now moving forward to Round 2 to play Ohio State Buckeyes.

r1-t1-d3District: 3
Location: Detroit, MI
Final Score: Ohio State 40, Notre Dame 25
Notes: On third try consecutive, Buckeyes is finally winning District 3, taking down top-ranked Notre Dame, who is flying too close to sun and burning for second time this season. Perhaps Week Ten loss to Louisville is giving OSU plan for victory, because Irish #2-rank offense is no match for #1-rank offense and #4-rank defense of Buckeyes. For Notre Dame, is deep humiliation to see top-rank, 11-1 season flushing down tualet. Ohio State is enjoying perfect 9-0 record in district games, and losing only two close games to playoff winners USC (Week 1) and Penn State (Week 11). But path forward to eternal glory is now requiring Round 2 playoff game vs. Tennessee Volunteers.

r1-t1-d4District: 4
Location: Tampa, FL
Final Score: Ole Miss 24, Florida State 17
Notes: Many fans is thinking this is best game in Tier 1 playoffs, Round 1. Ole Miss Rebels is showing defending 2013 champion Seminoles where is exit door from playoffs, removing District 4 crown as well, on way out. Ole Miss is spending seven weeks of regular season as #1 Top Power rank team, but is suffering humiliation losses to both Memphis (Week 9) and rival Mississippi State (Week 12). However, is also already beating FSU 18-17 in Week 10 and using #1 rank defense to win District 4 West division. FSU is winning many close games, only losing to Miami Hurricanes (Week 9) and Ole Miss, but never have certain je ne sais quoi of champion team. Oh, you are thinking I am only speaking Russian and English language? Am also speaking Frantsuzskiy language (un peu)! Anyway, Ole Miss is now continuing playoff journey to face Nittany Lions of Penn State.

r1-t1-d5District: 5
Location: St. Louis, MO
Final Score: Wisconsin 30, Iowa 26
Notes: Badgers is winning North division title for third year consecutive, and winning second District 5 title in three seasons, using #5-rank defense to hold back these Hawkeyes. When road was difficult for Iowa this season, as against Minnesota and Mizzou, Hawkeyes is usual taking good care of business, but good fortune is now dead. Badgers is unpredictable this season, losing sometimes to weak teams like Kansas Jayhawks (Week 10) and Northern Illinois (Week 12). Will face tough TCU in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t1-d6District: 6
Location: Houston, TX
Final Score: TCU 28, Arkansas 24
Notes: Horned Frogs is making revenge for Razorbacks 36-32 victory in Week 5, now hopping on 7-game win streak. TCU is also climbing to #2 Top Power rank, with balanced #4-rank offense and #10-rank defense. Razorbacks is remaining in Top Power 25 for entire season, but cannot repeat glory of Week 5. Is good season, only with stain of ignoble 36-26 loss to lowly Louisiana Tech in Week 7. Horned Frogs now advance to Round 2 of playoffs vs. Wisconsin.

r1-t1-d7District: 7
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Oklahoma 43, BYU 33
Notes: In Week 10, BYU is handing Sooners humiliation 40-21 defeat, but Sooners is now tasting revenge! Oklahoma is using #8-rank offense to stay two step ahead of #13-rank BYU offense and win weak District 7, also claiming #8 seed in Round 2 of playoffs. Will OU continue strong play, as in victories over Penn State (Week 8), Oklahoma State (Week 12) and Alabama (Week 1), or like poor dust bowl farmers in losses to Air Force (Week 5), Utah (Week 6) and Texas (Week 11)? Top-ranked Oregon is finding out next week!

r1-t1-d8District: 8
Location: San Jose, CA
Final Score: Oregon 38, USC 28
Notes: Oregon is winning third consecutive District 8 Championship, and taking position as #1 Top Power team and top seed heading into Round 2 of playoffs. Ducks is having #3-rank offense, although defense is not as good. Yet, after early losses to Cal (Week 2) and UCLA (Week 5), Oregon is now winning eight straight games, and will face lowest-seed Oklahoma in Round 2. For USC, is second loss this season to North division nemesis Ducks. Oh, and no fan of Trojans is ever forgetting embarrassing loss to San Diego State in final regular season game.

YOU ARE WANTING MORE, ALREADY? ROUND 1 IS NOT YET FINISH.

In next day or two, after Intern Bobby is full waking from accidental too-long sleeping in hyperbaric sleep chamber, we will post review of first round of Tier 2 playoffs, which is identical in organization to Tier 1.

Then, next week is second round of playoffs, when remaining teams is seeded 1-to-8, based on latest Top Power rank. Highest-seed team is playing lowest-seed team, and so forth. To make old people happy, seven remaining games is played in traditional bowl game location: [from east to west: Orange (FL), Peach (GA), Sugar (LA), Cotton (TX), Fiesta (AZ), Rose (CA), and Aloha (HI)]. Higher-seed team in matchup is choosing location for each game.

Here is Round 2 schedule:

  • (1) Oregon (11-2, #1) vs. (8) Oklahoma (9-4, #17) – Aloha Bowl
  • (2) TCU (11-2, #2) vs. (7) Wisconsin (9-4, #14) – Cotton Bowl
  • (3) Ohio State (11-2, #3) vs. (6) Tennessee (10-3, #10) – Peach Bowl
  • (4) Ole Miss (11-2, #4) vs. (5) Penn State (10-3, #9) – Sugar Bowl

Is making sense, Oregon is choosing Hawaii vacation first. This is leaving Orange, Fiesta, and Rose as remaining game locations.