Week Five: Brain & Brawn, Also

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Here is image from KGB video showing fans of Harvard Crimson at recent football game.

Here is still image taken from KGB video feed. Is showing excitement of Harvard Crimson fans at recent Tier 2 football game.

Is rare when developments on Tier 2 level is surpassing Tier 1 in interest, but this week is making exception.

Da, is many universities with strong-like-bull American football program. This is primary purpose of most American schools. Is also primary reason why there is none American university with academic reputation as excellent as Russian universities. Is no American equivalent to Lomonosov Moscow or Novosibirsk State University, as two obvious examples!

So, OMG. After watching like, 20 different games on the satellite feeds this weekend, I’m just like, enjoying some “me time” in the hot tub (the BEST!) and Kyle comes busting in, all like, “What did you do?There is NO WAY, man!” and he starts like, accusing me of hacking into Georgy’s spreadsheets and rigging it so Harvard gets the #1 Top Power ranking, or something. COMPLETELY unhinged. Dude, the only thing I’ve been hacking this week is a lung! Georgy told me to throw some more logs in the primary furnace, and I don’t know, I just go outside and grab one right by the hatch door (which I’ve learned to ALWAYS prop open, and don’t go very far) and I chuck it in the furnace. Turns out it’s like, this fake plastic log, and *of course* it has a spare key hidden in it.  The smoke was totally TOXIC, and Georgy comes in sniffing all around and starts freaking out – “PUT HAND IN AND RETRIEVE! QUICKLY BOBBY! RETRIEVE KEY, IS VERY IMPORTANT!” and I’m like, “Chill OUTTT” because he acts like everything’s an emergency. So I grab this metal hoe and start trying to get it, but instead I catch a faceful of poison smoke, and like, pass out right there on the dirt floor! I think Georgy got it out, though.Worst week ever? Nah. I mean, Yale got spanked by Princeton, and Harvard’s — ugh, I can’t even say it — number… one… in something other than being a total PRETENTIOUS PANSY school? Top Power rank. Yeah, right. Totally soft schedule. I’ll admit, I thought Bobby had something to do with it, but that was before I saw him trying to blow bubbles with this like, super-old “Yerevan” chewing gum, and he somehow gets it stuck all through his hair. After that, I was like – okay, no way Bobby knows how to crack a password.

However, is one American university many officials is considering to possess mere “okay” academic reputation. Its reputation is slightly better education than Tomsk State University, but is only because of difficulty in delivering new textbooks to remote Siberia.

Intern Kyle is perhaps disagree, but only “okay” American school is Harvard University, in Massachusetts SSR. (Yale is yet lower, behind Tomsk in rank.) Big news this week is Harvard Crimson football team now climbing to #1 Top Power rank on Tier 2 level!

Why is big news? Is unusual for former Ivy League school to reach such height in football. Perhaps famous Harvard researchers is now using advanced brains to create football playbook?

This season, Crimson is already defeating Tier 2 power teams North Dakota State, New Hampshire, UMass, and Toledo Rockets. In Week 5, Harvard is enjoying easy victory against Lafayette, winning by unusual score 42-4. Perhaps this is proving Lafayette is ultimate “safety” school, da?

In relative weak Tier 2/District 1, is possible for Crimson to now win every game of regular season. But is difficult exam in coming week, when Harvard is meeting old Ivy League rival Princeton Tigers (4-1, #15 rank)!

But enough Tier 2 news. Here is important Week 5 information from all Districts of Tier 1:

  • District 1: In North division, is near identical record for UConn (4-1, #24 rank) who is winning 37-19 upset victory over WVU, and Rutgers (4-1, #23 rank), who is keeping pace with 37-29 victory vs. Terps of Maryland; In South, Penn State (4-1, #13 rank) is leader after 25-15 victory in 2014 District 1 Championship rematch vs. Temple Owls.
  • District 2: Surprise Blue Devils of Duke (4-1, #17 rank) is taking command of North division with 45-13 victory vs. Gamecocks of South Carolina; Appalachian State (4-1, #21 rank), in only first season at Tier 1 level, is shocking entire nation by taking South division lead after 24-9 victory vs. NC State; Former #1 Top Rank Georgia Bulldogs is now dropping to 3-2 record after 21-15 humble defeat to Wake Forest (3-2).
  • District 3: #1 Top Power Rank Wolverines of Michigan (5-0) is continue very strong, beating Arkansas State 44-9; Memphis Tigers (3-2) is yet leader in South division, despite defeat to defending champion THE Ohio State Buckeyes (3-2).
  • District 4: Surprise USF (4-1) is beating Louisiana Tech 38-29, and somehow finding way to lead of tough East division; Crimson Tide (4-1, #14 rank) is claiming 28-17 Iron Bowl victory vs. nemesis Auburn; In rematch of District 4 Championship from last season, Ole Miss (4-1, #12 rank) is again defeating Florida State, this time 25-17; LSU (4-1, #25 rank) is beating UCF 43-18, to remain with big boys in lead of tough West division.
  • District 5Northwestern (5-0, #2 rank) is yet unblemished, defeating Jayhawks 33-22; Unbeaten Kansas State Wildcats (5-0) is scratching way to #5 Top Power rank after 43-32 defeat of poor Purdue; Fighting Irish (4-1, #10 rank) is proving might with 31-26 victory vs. good Hawkeyes of Iowa (4-1, #19); In upset victory, Illinois Fighting Illini (3-2) is ruining perfect-so-far season of Mizzou (4-1, #15 rank) in shock 21-16 victory.
  • District 6Oklahoma State (4-1, #8 rank) is technical leader of North division, defeating hated Longhorns 28-25 in OT; Sooners of Oklahoma (4-1, #20 rank) is in hunt after 35-18 win vs. Rice Owls; TCU Horned Frogs (4-1, #22 rank) is enjoying 51-36 victory vs. new-kid-on-Tier Texas State Bobcats; Texas A&M (5-0, #7 rank) is remaining unbeaten and one step ahead of dangerous Baylor Bears (4-1, #11), after 42-26 victory vs. SMU.
  • District 7Boise State (4-1, #9 rank) is raining destruction down on poor UTEP in 73-8 victory; Is Air Force best team in Colorado SSR? Falcons (3-2) is defeating Colorado Buffs 32-28 to lead three-way tie at top of South division; Arizona Wildcats (3-2) is making strong show, destroying Colorado State Rams 43-8; Sun Devils of Arizona State (3-2) is also in this tie for lead, defeating BYU 43-34.
  • District 8: California Golden Bears (5-0) is remaining perfect, but dropping to #6 Top Power rank following close 26-22 win vs. bad Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii; Washington Huskies (5-0) is climbing to #3 rank after 37-13 win vs. winless Fresno State; Stanford (5-0, #4 rank) is victorious in close 39-32 win over Wazzu to take lead in South division.

If Harvard is such good university for academics AND football, why is so difficult to understand information for finding intern on school website FAQ?