Is old saying in Russia: “Kogda vse delayut veseloy vecherinki, vremya letit bystro, kak bystrogo Yastrebu, okhota, ubiystvo, i potroshit’ obshchiy zyablik po svezhemu snegu ledyanoy tundre.”
Translation is difficult, but here I am trying: “When everyone is making fun party, time is flying fast, like swift sparrowhawk, hunting, killing, and disemboweling common finch on fresh snow of icy tundra.”
Is sad that end of 2014 Commie Football regular season is now (you see Week 12 scores at this link). Is seeming only yesterday when Seminoles of Florida State is defeating Oregon Ducks 32-31 for 2013 championship. In final week of 2014 regular season, defending champion FSU is rising to difficult challenge, defeating Auburn 17-16 to steal away District 4 East title, and make return trip to playoffs. Will world crown fresh, new American college football champion, or boring, repeat champion from previous season?
In meanwhile, top-ranked Ole Miss (10-2), already with invite to playoff in pocket, is suffering deep humiliation of 41-0 crushing defeat to rival Mississippi State Bulldogs (9-3), who is making world think MSU is now true strongest team in District 4 West! But is too bad about Week 10 upset loss to UCF, so izvinite Bulldogs, season of clanging cowbell is now over. Many teams is sinking into off-season obscurity, like Dmitry Medvedev after Vladimir Putin is becoming Soviet Premier.
BUT YOU ARE READY FOR TRUE PLAYOFF, DA?
In smeshnoy College Football Playoff system, by middle of November is only five, perhaps six teams with true chance of national championship glory. Everyone is arguing about who is 4th best team in country, and too many teams from old SEC conference is making playoff! In new Commie Football playoff system, is 16 TEAMS in hunt for title! And best yet, because of system of geographic Districts, football fans in every corner of country is having nearby team in championship hunt!
Here is quick review of Commie Football playoff:
- 16 teams (from each Tier) is making to Round 1. Division winners is facing other Division winner from same District in District Championship game.
- In Round 2, eight District Champions is playing one another in seeded, single-elimination tournament to determine new champion.
- Round 3, is four teams left.
- National Championship Game
Is best system to find true champion, who is traveling difficult 16-game schedule (12 regular season, plus four playoff rounds) to seek ultimate glory of champion.
You, like other ignorant American Intern Bobby, is maybe asking – “Seriously, are these 16 teams like, really the very, *very* best teams in college football this season? I mean – I’m not saying, but I’m just saying that Georgia’s ranked #10? And like, Iowa isn’t even ranked? Temple may be 10-2, but they seem a lot weaker than Auburn, who only didn’t make it ‘cuz there happens to be an even *better* team in their division, you know?”
Ostanovka! For this remark, I am making Bobby scrape every inch of fresh hide of dead bear, to remove all hair and bits of skin and fat! If team is not good enough to win six-team division, then is not good enough for Commie Football playoff!* Is not fault of Temple Owls to be playing in weak District 1 North division! Playoff invitation is only for division champion!
CONTENDERS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY
Now, here is information for which all football fans is waiting with patience. Is all Tier 1 teams who is winning division, and making to District Championship Game (also known as Round 1 of Commie Football playoffs):
- District 1: Temple Owls (10-2, #9) vs. Penn State Nittany Lions (9-3, #14) – Old rivals from Pennsylvania SSR, Owls and Nittany Lions did not play during regular season. Temple is having second-best defense in Tier 1. PSU is playing much more difficult schedule than Owls, and is earning playoff berth due to Week Three victory over WVU (9-3, #19), who is blowing division lead for much of season when losing final two games to allow Penn State to catch!
- District 2: East Carolina Pirates (9-3, #16) vs. Tennessee Volunteers (9-3, #18) – ECU is sprinting ahead of weak North division during 7-game win streak with 6th best offense, but is overall very weak schedule. Vols is winning South division with dramatic 24-23 shock victory over Georgia Bulldogs (9-3, #10) in last game of regular season, but is also unimpressive schedule.
- District 3: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (11-1, #1) vs. Ohio State Buckeyes (10-2, #4) – Irish is only team finishing regular season with 11 wins, and is scoring most points on Tier 1, but is also having weakest schedule. Only loss is to Louisville (6-6) in Week 10. Who is having second-best offense (and second-weakest schedule) in Tier 1? Can you believe it, OSU! Can District 3 champion compete with big boy from stronger District?
- District 4: Florida State Seminoles (10-2, #5) vs. Ole Miss Rebels (10-2, #6) – FSU is seizing division title and playoff spot from Auburn (9-3, #15) in dramatic 18-17 victory in final regular season game. Noles is also playing very difficult schedule of defending champion! Ole Miss is having best defense in Tier 1, and is clinching division two weeks ago after 18-17 victory over Noles, but is laying giant egg in Egg Bowl rivalry game vs. bitter Mississippi State (9-3, #12) in final week of season. Is bad omen for rematch?
- District 5: Wisconsin Badgers (8-4, #22) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4, unranked) – Badgers is making 3rd consecutive appearance in District 5 Championship, winning North division based on head-to-head victories vs. both Northwestern and Golden Gophers of Minnesota, and strong defense. Iowa is beating Mizzou in Week Nine, and so is winning playoff tiebreaker in tight South division.
- District 6: Arkansas Razorbacks (10-2, #7) vs. TCU Horned Frogs (10-2, #3) – With rival LSU (6-6) having bad season, Razorbacks is clinching easy East division weeks ago. TCU is winning difficult West division only this week, with third-best offense and #10 defense. And yet, it was Arkansas beating Horned Frogs 36-32 in Week Five.
- District 7: Oklahoma Sooners (8-4, #25) vs. BYU Cougars (8-4, #23) – Sooners is having good offense, and winning South division tiebreaker with victories over both Arizona Wildcats and Arizona State Sun Devils. BYU is slightly better rank on both offense and defense, but is needing dramatic 25-15 victory over Boise State (8-4) in final game of regular season to win North division.
- District 8: Oregon Ducks (10-2, #2) vs. USC Trojans (10-2, #8) – Explosive Ducks is suffering early season loss to Cal (9-3, #17), but is laughing as Golden Bears is losing two of final four games to waste advantage in standings. Oregon is playing one of most difficult schedules in country. USC is clinching South division one week ago, but is then playing like pee-wee team in 34-17 loss to weak San Diego State Aztecs (5-7). Maybe resting starting players for playoffs?
Later in week is official reveal of all 16 Tier 2 playoff teams. (In meantime, here is hint – Week 12 standings, scoreboard, and Top Power rankings is providing necessary information to know ultimate fate of Tier 2 regular season and playoff lineup. Please keep as secret.)