Week 12: What is at End of Rainbow?

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Famous poet from Ireland SSR, Sinead of Konnor, is releasing new beautiful music record with hit song "Nothing is Comparing 2 #1 Top Power Rank".

Famous poet from Ireland SSR, Sinead of Konnor, is releasing new beautiful music record with hit song “Nothing is Comparing 2 #1 Top Power Rank”. Is especially very popular song in Indiana SSR, home of Notre Dame Fighting Irish. However, in other District 3 cities such as Ann Arbor, Columbus, and Bloomington, this song is causing much violence in streets.

Is old saying in Russia: “Kogda vse delayut veseloy vecherinki, vremya letit bystro, kak bystrogo Yastrebu, okhota, ubiystvo, i potroshit’ obshchiy zyablik po svezhemu snegu ledyanoy tundre.”

Translation is difficult, but here I am trying: When everyone is making fun party, time is flying fast, like swift sparrowhawk, hunting, killing, and disemboweling common finch on fresh snow of icy tundra.” 

Is sad that end of 2014 Commie Football regular season is now (you see Week 12 scores at this link). Is seeming only yesterday when Seminoles of Florida State is defeating Oregon Ducks 32-31 for 2013 championship. In final week of 2014 regular season, defending champion FSU is rising to difficult challenge, defeating Auburn 17-16 to steal away District 4 East title, and make return trip to playoffs. Will world crown fresh, new American college football champion, or boring, repeat champion from previous season?

In meanwhile, top-ranked Ole Miss (10-2), already with invite to playoff in pocket, is suffering deep humiliation of 41-0 crushing defeat to rival Mississippi State Bulldogs (9-3), who is making world think MSU is now true strongest team in District 4 West! But is too bad about Week 10 upset loss to UCF, so izvinite Bulldogs, season of clanging cowbell is now over. Many teams is sinking into off-season obscurity, like Dmitry Medvedev after Vladimir Putin is becoming Soviet Premier.

BUT YOU ARE READY FOR TRUE PLAYOFF, DA?

In smeshnoy College Football Playoff system, by middle of November is only five, perhaps six teams with true chance of national championship glory. Everyone is arguing about who is 4th best team in country, and too many teams from old SEC conference is making playoff! In new Commie Football playoff system, is 16 TEAMS in hunt for title! And best yet, because of system of geographic Districts, football fans in every corner of country is having nearby team in championship hunt!

Here is quick review of Commie Football playoff:

  1. 16 teams (from each Tier) is making to Round 1. Division winners is facing other Division winner from same District in District Championship game.
  2. In Round 2, eight District Champions is playing one another in seeded, single-elimination tournament to determine new champion.
  3. Round 3, is four teams left.
  4. National Championship Game
Soviet official Dmitry Medvedev is feeling surprise that Mississippi State Bulldogs is not receiving invitation to playoffs after defeat of hated rival Ole Miss.

Soviet official Dmitry Medvedev is feeling surprise that Mississippi State Bulldogs is not receiving invitation to playoffs after defeat of hated rival Ole Miss.

Is best system to find true champion, who is traveling difficult 16-game schedule (12 regular season, plus four playoff rounds) to seek ultimate glory of champion.

You, like other ignorant American Intern Bobby, is maybe asking – “Seriously, are these 16 teams like, really the very, *very* best teams in college football this season? I mean – I’m not saying, but I’m just saying that Georgia’s ranked #10? And like, Iowa isn’t even ranked? Temple may be 10-2, but they seem a lot weaker than Auburn, who only didn’t make it ‘cuz there happens to be an even *better* team in their division, you know?”

Ostanovka! For this remark, I am making Bobby scrape every inch of fresh hide of dead bear, to remove all hair and bits of skin and fat! If team is not good enough to win six-team division, then is not good enough for Commie Football playoff!* Is not fault of Temple Owls to be playing in weak District 1 North division! Playoff invitation is only for division champion!

*Only exception is if no team from division is having winning 7-5 record or better. If all teams in division is 6-6 or worse record, then second-place team from opposite division is representing district. If no other 7-5 or better team is playing in entire district, then team with greatest Top Power rank who is not already in playoffs, is receiving invitation instead.

 

CONTENDERS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY

TIER 1 PLAYOFFS: Round 1


District 1:
TEMP vs. PSU

District 2:
ECU vs. TENN

District 3:
ND vs. OHSU

District 4:
FSU vs. MISS

District 5:
WISC vs. IOWA

District 6:
ARK vs. TCU

District 7:
OKLA vs. BYU

District 8:
ORE vs.
USC

Now, here is information for which all football fans is waiting with patience. Is all Tier 1 teams who is winning division, and making to District Championship Game (also known as Round 1 of Commie Football playoffs):

  • District 1: Temple Owls (10-2, #9) vs. Penn State Nittany Lions (9-3, #14) – Old rivals from Pennsylvania SSR, Owls and Nittany Lions did not play during regular season. Temple is having second-best defense in Tier 1. PSU is playing much more difficult schedule than Owls, and is earning playoff berth due to Week Three victory over WVU (9-3, #19), who is blowing division lead for much of season when losing final two games to allow Penn State to catch!
  • District 2: East Carolina Pirates (9-3, #16) vs. Tennessee Volunteers (9-3, #18) – ECU is sprinting ahead of weak North division during 7-game win streak with 6th best offense, but is overall very weak schedule. Vols is winning South division with dramatic 24-23 shock victory over Georgia Bulldogs (9-3, #10) in last game of regular season, but is also unimpressive schedule.
  • District 3: Notre Dame Fighting Irish (11-1, #1) vs. Ohio State Buckeyes (10-2, #4) – Irish is only team finishing regular season with 11 wins, and is scoring most points on Tier 1, but is also having weakest schedule. Only loss is to Louisville (6-6) in Week 10. Who is having second-best offense (and second-weakest schedule) in Tier 1? Can you believe it, OSU! Can District 3 champion compete with big boy from stronger District?
  • District 4: Florida State Seminoles (10-2, #5) vs. Ole Miss Rebels (10-2, #6) – FSU is seizing division title and playoff spot from Auburn (9-3, #15) in dramatic 18-17 victory in final regular season game. Noles is also playing very difficult schedule of defending champion! Ole Miss is having best defense in Tier 1, and is clinching division two weeks ago after 18-17 victory over Noles, but is laying giant egg in Egg Bowl rivalry game vs. bitter Mississippi State (9-3, #12) in final week of season. Is bad omen for rematch?
  • District 5: Wisconsin Badgers (8-4, #22) vs. Iowa Hawkeyes (8-4, unranked) – Badgers is making 3rd consecutive appearance in District 5 Championship, winning North division based on head-to-head victories vs. both Northwestern and Golden Gophers of Minnesota, and strong defense. Iowa is beating Mizzou in Week Nine, and so is winning playoff tiebreaker in tight South division.
  • District 6: Arkansas Razorbacks (10-2, #7) vs. TCU Horned Frogs (10-2, #3) – With rival LSU (6-6) having bad season, Razorbacks is clinching easy East division weeks ago. TCU is winning difficult West division only this week, with third-best offense and #10 defense. And yet, it was Arkansas beating Horned Frogs 36-32 in Week Five.
  • District 7: Oklahoma Sooners (8-4, #25) vs. BYU Cougars (8-4, #23) – Sooners is having good offense, and winning South division tiebreaker with victories over both Arizona Wildcats and Arizona State Sun Devils. BYU is slightly better rank on both offense and defense, but is needing dramatic 25-15 victory over Boise State (8-4) in final game of regular season to win North division.
  • District 8: Oregon Ducks (10-2, #2) vs. USC Trojans (10-2, #8) – Explosive Ducks is suffering early season loss to Cal (9-3, #17), but is laughing as Golden Bears is losing two of final four games to waste advantage in standings. Oregon is playing one of most difficult schedules in country. USC is clinching South division one week ago, but is then playing like pee-wee team in 34-17 loss to weak San Diego State Aztecs (5-7). Maybe resting starting players for playoffs?

Later in week is official reveal of all 16 Tier 2 playoff teams. (In meantime, here is hint – Week 12 standings, scoreboard, and Top Power rankings is providing necessary information to know ultimate fate of Tier 2 regular season and playoff lineup. Please keep as secret.)

Week Five: Mississippi SSR is Burning with Excitement

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mississippi-dancingFORMER CONFEDERATE SECTOR FROM OLD AMERICAN CIVIL WAR IS RISING!

Is most important weekend in entire history of Mississippi SSR administrative district! Of course, this is first reference to glorious 18-17 narrow victory of Ole Miss Rebels over Golden Knights of UCF this past weekend. With victory, Rebels is remaining undefeated #1 Top Power rank team for second week, consecutive. But is not only surprising good team in Mississippi SSR! Mississippi State Bulldogs, who is losing many games in history, and winning very few, is also surprise unbeaten, defeating Florida Gators 29-20 in Week Five of Commie Football.

Every American college football fan is all-of-sudden saying, “Dude! Can you believe it, man? Like, Ole Miss and Mississippi State are suddenly like, kicking ass, bro!”

In Russia, is not surprise. Advanced Soviet supercomputer algorithm is revealing weeks ago that both Ole Miss and MSU Bulldogs is starting season with very good Top Power rating. Once again, superior Commie Football system is revealing hidden truth about many American college football teams, many weeks more early to American underground media.

HERE IS RESULTS OF KEY TIER 1 LEVEL GAMES IN WEEK FIVE:

  • District 1: Unbeaten Temple Owls (5-0, #4 Top Power rank) is opening two-game lead in North Division, is continuing streak of winning with 27-15 victory over Pitt; Penn State (4-1, #22) is defeating defending District Champion Boston College, 23-19; also, Army (1-4) is winning first (and perhaps last!) game of season vs. hated rival Navy Midshipmen, 32-22.
  • Is surprise leaders in District 2! Kentucky Wildcats (5-0, #12) is continuing season of amazement so far with 33-31 close victory over Duke; East Carolina Pirates (4-1) is “Czar of Carolinas” and leading South Division after 45-31 defeat of Gamecocks of South Carolina.
  • District 3: The Fighting Irish (5-0, #6) is enjoying easy 29-14 win over Bearcats of Cincinnati, is leisurely walking away with North Division; Ohio State Buckeyes (4-1, #13) is having highest Top Power Score in country after 50-24 victory over Hoosiers of Indiana, but is only ranking #13 due to Week One loss to USC; rematch of last season round two playoff game is finding Louisville Cardinals beating Michigan State 25-16.
  • District 4: In East Division, defending champion Florida State Seminoles (5-0, #5) is making 33-10 humiliation of Alabama Crimson Tide, who is desperate searching for first victory of season; Auburn Tigers (5-0, #9) is keeping FSU company at top of standings; is much celebration in Mississippi SSR as both Ole Miss (5-0, #1) and Mississippi State Bulldogs (5-0, #10) is continuing with victories.
  • District 5: In spite of hideous blackout uniform, Northwestern Wildcats (4-1, #15) is leading North Division following 20-17 victory over Iowa Hawkeyes; Golden Gophers of Minnesota (4-1) is keeping pace with 26-19 win vs. Kansas Jayhawks; in rematch of last season district championship game, Mizzou is once again beating Wisconsin, this time by score of 24-19.
  • District 6: In only Week 5 battle of undefeated teams, it is Razorbacks of Arkansas (5-0, #8) defeating TCU Horned Frogs 36-32; In West Division, Texas A&M (5-0, #3) is winning 47-32 vs. the Ragin’ Cajuns of ULM; and of course, there is Baylor Bears (5-0), who is catapulting to #2 Top Power rank following 35-7 dismantle of LSU.
  • District 7: Largest upset win of week is Air Force (2-3) handing first loss of season to mighty Sooners of Oklahoma, by score 34-27; Oklahoma State Cowboys (4-1, #18) is defeating strong Boise State 42-35; BYU (4-1, #20) is in lead of North Division after 52-21 crushing of Tulsa.
  • District 8: California Golden Bears (4-1, #21) is making second large upset win of season with 39-36 defeat of Stanford; Is three-way tie between Cal, Oregon State Beavers (4-1, #24) and Washington Huskies (4-1) in North Division; in South, Trojans of USC (5-0, #11) is barely beating Nevada 43-42 and UCLA (5-0, #7) is taking down once flying-high-in-sky Oregon Ducks 30-27.

COLORADO STATE IS RAMMING WAY TO TOP OF TIER 2

Here is photo of Soviet Cosmonaut mission to explore black hole in outer space. Mission is almost failing, but brave Cosmonauts is facing danger with utmost of confidence, and all is returning to Mother Russia safely.

Here is photo of Soviet Cosmonaut mission to explore black hole in outer space. Mission is almost failing due to small star rolling through ship, but brave Cosmonauts is facing danger with very much of confidence, and all is returning to Mother Russia safely after mission is complete.

Meanwhile, on Tier 2 level, is chaos at top of Top Power 25! Top teams from last week – Coastal Carolina, Villanova, and UTEP – is all losing game in Week Five. This is creating “vacuum effect” at top of rankings.

Colorado State Rams (5-0) is new #1 Top Power team, winning 47-20 against San Jose State, who is team just being relegated from Tier 1 level after last season. You are remembering that CSU is last season, only losing by one point in Tier 2 Semifinal Playoff Game. This season, Rams is playing like team on mission. Mission is to sow destruction throughout Tier 2, win championship, and receive invitation for promotion to Tier 1 next season!

Georgia Southern is leaping to #2. This team is being followed by Akron Zips (#3), Texas State Bobcats (#4), Western Michigan (#5), Yale Bulldogs (#6), William & Mary (#7), and rest of list is here ongoing.

NOTE TO ALL AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS, AROUND WHOLE WORLD

Southern Miss is also having winning 3-2 record, and is good enough for top of District 4 South Division. If Golden Eagles is continuing to win and rise in Top Power rankings, suspicion is growing strong around whole world that Commie Football is accepting bribe from rich comrades in Mississippi SSR. Is not true! As show of proof, is now new rule:

If all Mississippi Tier 1 and Tier 2 teams is making playoffs, Commie Football is giving authorization for Red Army invasion and occupation of Mississippi SSR.

NOTE TO MISSISSIPPI SSR

Look at Jackson State – no victories, and bringing up rear of District 4 South Division. Is nothing to fear.