Tier 2 Playoffs: Big Red Pool of Blood!

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In District 4 Championship game, #2-rank Southern Miss Eagles is defeating #1-rank Western Kentucky 44-40. Is second time USM is defeating WKU this season.

In District 4 Championship game, #2-rank Southern Miss Eagles is defeating #1-rank Western Kentucky 44-40. Is second time USM is defeating WKU this season!

EAGLE IS REACHING HIGHER ALTITUDE THAN HILLTOP

Most exciting of all Commie Football Round 1 playoff games is perhaps Tier 2/District 4 Championship, where #1 Top Power rank Western Kentucky Hilltoppers – the team almost winning Tier 2 championship last season, then receiving snub instead of promotion to Tier 1 level during offseason – is on KGB mission for all 2015 season to destroy each opponent on path to championship glory! Is destiny, da?

But is one bump in road – loss to Southern Miss Eagles in Week 6 is preventing perfect season. Now look at this – Eagles is finishing regular season also with 11-1 record, and is now Top Power #2 rank. And this is opponent who WKU is meeting again, to make REVENGE this time, in Tier 2/District 4 Championship game!

But in this game, which many fan is considering to be true championship of entire Tier 2 level, it is Southern Miss Eagles (12-1, #1) defeating Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-2, #3) by score 44-40, to prove to world who is true, new czar of Tier 2 college football!

At least for one week. World shall see how Southern Miss is performing in Round 2 of playoffs (see schedule and entire scoreboard here). In meanwhile…

Here is results of ROUND 1 of 2015 Tier 2 playoffs:

District: 1
Location: Villanova, Pennsylvania SSR
Final Score: Villanova 33, Harvard 17
Notes: Both teams is possessing ferocious defense, and Harvard is displaying brains and brawn both when reaching #1 rank for three weeks during regular season. Yet it is Villanova who is ultimate winner of District 1 title (win is avenging loss to UMass last season). Harvard is maybe taking football lesson from weakling Bobby! Wildcat #3-rank defense is primary source of hope in Round 2 vs. powerful Toledo Rockets (of T2/District 5).

 

District: 2
Location: Harrisonburg, Virginia SSR
Final Score: James Madison 38, North Carolina A&T 20
Notes: With superiority on both sides of football, James Madison is defeating Aggies to claim crown of T2/District 2. NCAT is never reaching to top ten Top Power ranking, despite many wins in difficult season schedule. In end, good NCAT defense (#17 rank) is unable to contain more-good JMU #10-rank offense. But now Dukes is next playing powerful San Jose State (from T2/District 8 on other side of continent) in Round 2.

 

District: 3
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: Georgia Southern 42, South Carolina State 6
Notes: Georgia Southern is winning second District 3 title consecutive, in destruction of SCSU, who is unprepared like Poland in year 1939. Eagles is possessing perhaps greatest balance of offense (#7) and defense (#2) on Tier 2 level, and is playing most of season with top ten Top Power ranking. Is too much for good, but less, #13-rank defense of Bulldogs. Only loss for GSU this season is Week 7 to strong FAU (9-3, #16). Is GSU perhaps thinking already about Southern Miss? Is best to concentrate first on Round 2 opponent, Tulane Green Wave (of T2/District 7)!

 

District: 4
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 44, Western Kentucky 40
Notes: Why is Southern Miss entering game as lower #2 rank, when is already defeating WKU in Week Six, and spending two weeks in middle of season as #1 rank? Is due to complex algorithm of Soviet supercomputer, which is perhaps penalizing USM for Week One loss to eventual weakling Eastern Washington (2-10). This disrespect, even from machine, is fueling Eagles #1-rank offense to victory, now screaming like MiG fighter jet again to #1 Top Power rank, before Round 2 game vs. Jackrabbits of South Dakota State (of T2/District 6).

 

District: 5
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: Toledo 33, Akron 21
Notes: Rockets is continue impressive season, climbing entire distance to #1 Top Power rank after Week Eight, only to burn in atmosphere like Mir space station in Week Nine 78-19 decimation by archrival Bowling Green. In meantime, Akron is stumbling into playoffs from weak South division on four-game win streak, like drunken gambler, but Zips is never making even to top 25 in Top Power ranking entire season! Steady Toledo Rockets attack is defeating jumping Zips, who is saying always “Fear the Roo” but nobody in world is fearing! Is silly kangaroo! Toledo is facing Villanova Wildcats (of T2/District 1) in Round 2 of playoffs.

 

District: 6
Location: Carbondale, Illinois SSR
Final Score: South Dakota State 44, Southern Illinois 38
Notes: In shock upset, #7-defense of Jackrabbits is slowing down #9-offense of Salukis for victory by small margin. SIU is old power, returning to Tier 2 playoffs for first time since 2012, always ranking high in Top Power during this season, but South Dakota State is hopping quiet through tall prairie grass during season, only to wait for sudden ambush of resting dog in district championship game! But will this ambush strategy work in fight vs. high-flying, #1 rank Southern Miss Eagles (of T2/District 4) in Round 2, next week?

 

District: 7
Location: Lake Charles, Louisiana SSR
Final Score: Tulane 62, McNeese State 22
Notes: With 11-1 record and already defeating in Week Five, McNeese is perhaps thinking Green Wave is easy opponent. But in perhaps most surprise upset game during first round, #13-offense of Tulane is bringing shame to #6-defense of McNeese, placing 62 points on scoreboard! Because of weak, last-place schedule (due to bad 2014 season), Cowboys is taking easy path to playoffs, while Tulane – making third appearance, consecutive in playoffs (and each year in different District due to realignment!) – is fighting way through most difficult schedule on Tier 2 level to AGAIN advance to Round 2! But is bad luck that opponent this year is powerful Georgia Southern Eagles (of T2/District 3).

 

District: 8
Location: San Jose, California SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 36, Wyoming 23
Notes: Wyoming is example of team reaching peak performance too soon in season, but is then losing 3 of final 4 games, to include District 8 Championship to San Jose State, who is using #5 offense to overwhelm soft Cowboys defense, like hot bayonet in warm maslo. SJSU is next to meet James Madison (naming for former leader of ancient American regime, from Tier 2/District) in Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs. This is many twos.

Georgy’s letting me write my report from the interrogation chamber. I have no clue how many days we’ve been “accidentally locked” in here, but I’m bored as hell, Kyle’s asleep like, 18 hours a day, and the bathroom situation is getting WAAAAY, way gross in here.
Hey. It’s Bobby again. All Kyle’s doing right now is like, snoring and sort of… I dunno… twitching? Every few minutes. And always drooling. So much. It’s like, running down the drain in the floor in the center of the cell.

PREPARE FOR ROUND 2 OF TIER 2 PLAYOFFS

Here is schedule for Tier 2/Round 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Southern Miss (12-1, #1) vs.
    (8) South Dakota State (9-4, #16)
  • (2) Georgia Southern (12-1, #2) vs.
    (7) Tulane (9-4, #10)
  • (3) Toledo (11-2, #4) vs.
    (6) Villanova (10-3, #8)
  • (4) San Jose State (11-2, #5) vs.
    (5) James Madison (11-2, #6)

Look at this schedule. Then, wipe drool from mouth.

I am telling this, always, to Bobby, because Intern Kyle is having disgusting drool running like water from mouth, when sleeping. I am hoping to find passcode to unlock interrogation chamber in few days. More priority is routine-but-critical maintenance necessary on plumbing system, attached to cooling mechanism inside supercomputer. Is taking one person… three or four days, maximum, to fix.

Playoffs: Two Worlds, On Course for Collision

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National championship game will be held in Orange Bowl next week. Travel to Florida SSR is very difficult for fans of Oregon and Ohio State, so government is providing radio broadcast for fans in Oregon SSR and Ohio SSR, only.

National championship game will be held in Orange Bowl next week. Long journey to Florida SSR is very difficult for fans of Ducks and Buckeyes. As show of goodwill towards American people, Soviet government is providing special radio broadcast, in Russian, for all to hear game.

World of Commie Football is strange, parallel universe, bringing order to former chaotic system of determining American college football champion. Some critic is saying that Commie Football supercomputer is producing impossible result, as when Utah State Aggies is winning 2012 championship. But then, only one season ago, Commie Football supercomputer is crowning same champion (Florida State) as ludicrous BCS system, when Seminoles is narrow defeating Oregon Ducks. After, is more complaints, asking in whining voice – what is this proving, when superior Soviet system is producing same result as terrible, capitalist BCS system?

First, take deep breath. Then slow exhale breath, then TAKE DEEPER BREATH ONCE MORE! NOW SLAP OWN FACE! AGAIN! HARDER! Now stop and continue reading.

Is simple. Even corrupt capitalist system, such as nonsense NCAA, is sometimes having good luck. Either this, or obvious one team is true best team in all worlds of college football.

Sometimes, stupid American system for deciding college champion – whether AP poll, BCS, CFP – is having lucky streak, two years consecutive! Is long way to say – this season, advanced Commie Football algorithm is finding same two teams in championship game as flawed College Football Playoff system! Drisnya! In the name of Condoleezza!

r3-t1-rosebowl

Game: Rose Bowl
Location: Pasadena, CA
Final Score: Oregon 32, Ole Miss 25
Notes: Last season, Oregon is losing championship game to Florida State by only one point. During offseason, fans of Ducks is not sleeping, rolling over on hay mattress again and again, making many trips to outdoor latrine with only one thought – why is this team, which is so good for entire regular season, failing to win championship?

This season, Ducks is experiencing early frustration – beating darlings of 2013 Louisville and Boston College, but also losing to bitter District 8 rivals, Cal Golden Bears and UCLA. Then, beginning in Week Six, Oregon is resembling MiG fighter jet on secret KGB mission – to shoot down and destroy all enemies and fly to top of Top Power 25 rankings AGAIN! Mission is success so far – Oregon is once again advancing to national championship game, this time to play Ohio State, to determine true champion of all college football.

r3-t1-fiestabowl

Game: Fiesta Bowl
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Ohio State 32, TCU 31
Notes: In most exciting contest of playoff semifinal round, Ohio State is defeating tough TCU by only one point, to advance to championship game against top-seed Oregon Ducks. Why is Buckeyes proving too hard of nut for Horned Frogs to puncture? Soviet supercomputer is finding that in order to win this game, top-rank offense and #4-rank defense of Buckeyes is needing every milligram of strength to defeat TCU, who is also bringing powerful balance of offense (#4) and defense (#10), and also #1 in perception of disrespect!

Even in defeat, fans of Horned Frogs is proud – team is rising from mediocre 6-6 team last season, making Commie Football playoffs for first time, almost advancing to championship game! Is perhaps good enough in ESPN world, but not Commie Football. Do svidaniya, Horned Frogs!

In day or two, we are telling what is happening on Tier 2 semifinal games.

Return next week to find out WHO IS HAVING BIGGEST O!

Semifinal Playoffs: Who is Only Pretender?

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Is Seminoles only pretender? Or is Ducks? Show me your papers!

Or maybe is Seminoles only pretender? Or is Ducks true pretender? Show me your papers!

Is coming time when team that is pretender to be champion is no longer being good enough to continuing pretend.

In semifinal week of Commie Football playoffs, this pretender team is Eagles of Boston College. Is coming into playoffs as #8 weakest seed, from weak District 1, and is making surprise 35-32 victory over undefeated Baylor Bears in quarterfinal round.

But is maybe only one pretender beating other pretender because for Boston College, dream is coming to full stop this week in desert heat of Fiesta Bowl, where Seminoles of FSU, who is maybe being more used to hot weather of Florida, is not wilting in bright rotating searchlight of semifinal playoff game, is not being afraid when surrounded by barbed wire of football stadium, with millions of American college football fans around world watching game on small black-and-white television next to stove where evening meal is being cooked (all by decree of central politburo).

Now, if Seminoles is losing championship game to Oregon Ducks (who is beating Louisville in Aloha Bowl semifinal), then FSU is only pretender beating pretender beating pretender!

t1-fiesta-bowl-playoff-banner

Game: Fiesta Bowl
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Florida State 42, Boston College 26
Notes: Eagles of Boston College is giving everyone good show last week when destroying championship dream of Baylor Bears, but this is week when plucky upstart team from District 1 is being shown what real championship football team is looking like. Boston College is likely to finish season as only #8 Top Power team, but is at least making college football fans think better about weak District 1 (little bit). Seminoles (14-1, #1 Top Power) is now feeling even more angry by close Week 5 loss to Crimson Tide, but is also feeling happy to be making to title game in Rose Bowl against flying-very-high Oregon Ducks. But not too happy, because is having to maintain edge and sharp focus of playing in championship game.

t1-aloha-bowl-playoff-banner

Game: Aloha Bowl
Location: Honolulu, HI
Final Score: Oregon 25, Louisville 20
Notes: Here is battle of MiG jet offense of Ducks against Iron Curtain defense of Louisville Cardinals. In end, it is MiG jet flying low over small city in midwest by Ohio River, and dropping one too many strategic nuclear missles on city defense, which is making hole that Duck army is then to exploit. At very least, Cardinals is getting trip to Hawaii out of deal. Ducks is now jumping to #2 Top Power, and is setting up classic championship game. Ducks is having slight better offense, and Seminoles is having slight better defense.

Who is winning great war of our time?! Is better to having great defense or great offense?! Who is only pretender?! Find and eliminate all pretenders!

In day or two, we are telling what is happening on Tier 2 semifinal games.