Tier 2 Playoffs: You Are Feeling Intensity?

Share Button
In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

DO NOT FORGET! IS TIER 2, ALSO.

Tier 1 playoff race is commanding attention of American media, but increasing number of fans is discovering pleasure of Tier 2 level, where weakest teams from old FBS level is competing for honor and glory alongside best teams from old FCS level.

Each season, Tier 2 is most impacted by promotion and relegation from both Tier 1 and Tier 3 levels. To win championship on Tier 2 level is perhaps little bit less glorious than Tier 1, but here is where satisfaction of victory is most pure, like mystical waters of Lake Baikal!

Last season, Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1) is utilizing powerful offense to fight entire way to Tier 2 championship game, where is sad when losing to superior Colorado State Rams, by mere three points. Then, WKU is suffering much disrespect when four other teams is receiving promotion to Tier 1 level, but not Hilltoppers! Instead, WKU is stuck on Tier 2 level, like porosenok in mud, moving to new district during annual realignment… and plotting revenge.

Now, instead of large, soft red blob, Big Red is looking strong like Vasily Alekseyev, with 2nd rank offense and 15th rank defense, rising to #1 Top Power rank on Tier 2 level! But here is interesting challenge – opponent in District 4 Championship game is same, only team who is defeating WKU in Week Six. Is Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2 rank), who is having 1st rank offense and also spectacular season. Who will emerge, like steam from Tolbachik volcano, as superior team and advance to Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs?

CONTENDERS FOR TIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY!

TIER 2 PLAYOFFS: Round 1

District 1:HARV vs. NOVA
District 2:JMU vs. NCAT
District 3:SCSU vs. GASO
District 4:WKU vs. USM
District 5:TLDO vs. AKRN
District 6:SDST vs. SIU
District 7:TULN vs. NEES
District 8:WYO vs. SJSU
  • District 1: Harvard Crimson (9-3, #9) vs. Villanova Wildcats (9-3, #14) – All season, Intern Bobby is mewling like feral cat about greatness of Harvard! Offense is mediocre 36th rank, but defense is indeed 3rd strongest on Tier 2 level, leading Crimson to three weeks consecutive at #1 Top Power rank. But strange, three-game losing streak is changing perspective, including Week 10 loss to Villanova, who is entering 2015 postseason with exact same record and rank as 2014! Wildcats is winning division due to Week Nine victory over Seawolves of Stony Brook (9-3, #18) and the SBU 1st rank defense.
  • District 2: James Madison Dukes (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T Aggies (9-3, #12) – JMU is spending almost entire season with top ten ranking and has 10th rank offense, but will weak, 52nd rank defense bring playoff doom? NCAT is opposite, with strong 9th rank defense and mediocre 47th rank offense, winning final three games of season to seize South division from favored William & Mary (8-4, #21) and surprise North Carolina Central (9-3, #17).
  • District 3: South Carolina State Bulldogs (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern Eagles (11-1, #3) – SCSU is winning weak North division with strong 8th rank defense and dramatic 32-27 victory over Coastal Carolina (6-6) in final week of regular season. GSU is making second consecutive playoff appearance with same record and rank as 2014! Powerful offense (8th) and defense (5th) is keeping Eagles one-step before Florida Atlantic (9-3, #16) in division, who is responsible for lone GSU loss.
  • District 4: Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2) – Many is considering this game to be true championship of entire Tier 2 level, pitting two most powerful offenses and top-ranked teams. Will WKU suffer breaking heart like last season? Can USM 38th rank defense contain strength of Big Red, as in 46-30 Week Six victory? Eagles is losing only in Week One of season and is scoring 70+ points two times in final three weeks!
  • District 5: Toledo Rockets (10-2, #5) vs. Akron Zips (8-4, #28) – Toledo is yet remembering humiliation of relegation after disaster 2013 season on Tier 1 level, using shame as fuel for success on Tier 2, rising to #1 Top Power rank after Week Eight, but failing to remain high in sky with humiliation 78-19 loss to rival Bowling Green (8-4, #19)! Is Rockets making recovery in time for playoff? After losing first two games of season, Akron is seizing weak South division with four-game win streak at end, including victory over Ball State (7-5).
  • District 6: South Dakota State Jackrabbits (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois Salukis (9-3, #15) – Jackrabbits is hopping into playoffs when Northern Illinois (8-4, #20) is blowing opportunity in 33-29 loss to Northern Iowa in final week of regular season. 6th rank defense and Week Nine win over NIU is opening doorway. SIU is having 9th best offense on Tier 2 level, defeating all five division rivals, including Illinois State (9-3, #11) in Week Three.
  • District 7: Tulane Green Wave (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State Cowboys (11-1, #4) – Tulane is playing one of most difficult schedules on Tier 2 level, including Week Five loss to McNeese, but victories over both Alcorn State (7-5) and Southern U (7-5) is locking down East division. McNeese is bouncing back from 3-9 record in 2014 to defeat every District 7 opponent and claim West division. Mere two-point loss to Montana State in Week Eight is preventing unbeaten record!
  • District 8: Wyoming Cowboys (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State Spartans (10-2, #6) – Wyo is climbing as high as #4 Top Power rank with decent, 19th rank offense, but is losing two of final three games to finish season with many questions. SJSU is possessing explosive 4th rank offense, spending much of season in top 20 and fending off rival UNLV (8-4, #23) for South division title, despite loss to Runnin’ Rebels in Week Nine.

OKAY, YOU WILL NOW WAIT SIX WEEKS FOR START OF PLAYOFFS.

OMG, so Harvard like, totally kicked Yale’s butt – 30-something to like, 16 or 18 or something? – in the final game of the regular season AND made the Tier 2 playoffs! I’m totally rubbing it in Kyle’s face. But he just grunts like a caveman and skulks away. Whatever. My life couldn’t be better. Of course, it’d always be nice to be a little closer to home. And you know, I miss my American friends. And family. And Netflix. And being allowed to use the internet and talk on the phone unmonitored. Especially around the holidays, you know? My mom makes reeeeeally good pumpkin pie. But I keep telling myself – hey, this is the working world, this is my best job offer after getting kicked out of college, and I have to like, work my way up the ladder. Of course, I didn’t imagine it as like, a LITERAL metal ladder – every time Georgy orders me to do something around here! Up and down, up and down! Every tool he (or Kyle) ever needs to fix some piece of stupid equipment is located in like, an old, greasy box, under a tarp, on the top shelf, in the back closet, behind a bunch of rusty, leaking pipes, in the furthest storage chamber down on one of the subterranean levels! Why are there no elevators in this place? Oh, wait – there is one, but Georgy won’t give me the stupid access code! Ugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

You are now knowing all 16 playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. You are excited to begin playoff games, to determine very best American college football teams for 2015 season.

But you must learn patience, because you will wait many weeks for this information. Here is why – in order for Soviet supercomputer to calculate champion teams, is requiring proper data. This data is to include scores from meaningless bowl games named after corporation and games from flawed, inferior College Football Playoff. Only with this data can supercomputer algorithm determine ultimate fate of teams in world of Commie Football.

Is always difficult for spoiled Americans especially, always wanting now, now, now, to understand true meaning of this concept, patience.

Is not so difficult to learn. As example, Soviet citizens is waiting many hours, sometimes days, in middle of winter, standing in long queue to await latest shipment of fresh goat’s milk. And then is only receiving one-half liter, maximum.

Week Two: Fear & Confusion!

Share Button

putin-confusedIn early weeks of new American college football season, many fan is visiting Commie Football website and seeing surprise upset defeat of strong team by seeming weak team. Is causing fear and confusion. Why is this result? Is part because strong team (such as defending champion Ohio State Buckeyes) is yet experiencing hangover from too much celebratory shampanskoye and is playing sloppy football in early games of new season. But is also part because Commie Football supercomputer is penalizing strong team who is scheduling weak, cupcake opponent from different Tier for automatic win!

MISS_2015

In celebration of Week Two 43-37 victory over hated rival, Crimson Tide of Alabama, Ole Miss is making official, permanent change from dark blue to light blue helmet color, which is reminding of beautiful reflection of Siberian sky in still waters of Lake Baikal.

You are seeing this happen in Week Two of Commie Football season, when seeming strong team such as Oregon Ducks is falling like Berlin in 1945 to weak Washington State Cougars, by score 36-29! Auburn Tigers is also losing to weak Bulls of South Florida, by score 31-28! Once mighty Louisville Cardinals is losing to seeming weak Red Wolves of Arkansas State (who is ironic having strongest nickname in college football), by score 28-15! Weak American military preparatory school Army Black Knights is somehow finding strength to defeat District 1 bully Boston College Eagles by low score of 14-8!

Is Soviet supercomputer technology broken? Nyet, comrade. Many game scores is meeting fan expectation, with few surprise twist!

In Commie Football, superior organization and schedule matrix is making for more difficult journey to championship glory for all teams. Only true strongest team is able to conquer 12 regular season plus four playoff games without losing at least one game. After only two weeks of new season, is only 25 of 96 teams on Tier 1 level yet unbeaten! In NCAA, is seeming every FBS team “unbeaten” with two or three cupcake opponent in fat, pig stomach!

So I’m helping Georgy run his score calculations, and he goes, “What is this?” and mutters something in Russian (first I’ve heard him speak in days, btw). Then he says “Yale Bulldogs is losing in both week one and week two, first to Central Arkansas, then to Ivy League rival Brown.” What can I say, man? First off – I’m not there to help out, so those losses aren’t mine. Second – I can’t help it if Yale gets penalized for scheduling Cornell and Colgate (“Tier 3″ teams, according to Georgy). I mean, Harvard scheduled Rhode Island, so it’s not like they’re booking top-flight non-Ivy competition, you know? Season’s still young, dude – nobody’s panicking!

I guess Harvard is like, totally crushing Yale in the Commie Football standings so far. You’d think I’d brag about it more – you know, higher U.S. News & World Report ranking, higher average ACT/SAT/AP scores for incoming freshmen, higher Commie Football ranking – I mean, Harvard’s pretty much better than Yale in all measurable statistical categories, right? Thing is, I’m still a little bit hurt about begin expelled, so I’m having some mixed feelings right now about The Yard. I mean, in some ways I still bleed Crimson. Then again… don’t we all? Ha! Get it, because technically we all have red blood? OMG. Anyway – the other reason I don’t want to brag too much is because I’m afraid Kyle might beat me senseless.

Here is few other interesting Week 2 game results:

  • Ohio 18 vs. Ohio State 26
  • Indiana 20 vs. Michigan State 53
  • TCU 54 vs. Tulsa 37
  • Baylor 79 vs. Texas State 33
  • Illinois 18 vs. Notre Dame 39
  • Georgia 52 vs. South Carolina 20
  • Louisiana Tech 27 vs. LSU 42
  • San Diego State 18 vs. UCLA 46
  • Florida 7 vs. Florida State 12
  • Oklahoma 33 vs. Oklahoma State 54

WHERE IS TOP POWER RANKING?

Top Power ranking is to return following Week Three games. Only fool is revealing premature power ranking early in season, using inadequate data! Three games is minimum requirement of Commie Football supercomputer to have adequate data for proper calculation.

To demonstrate how ranking with limited data is making no sense, supercomputer is placing Washington Huskies as #1 team after Week One. This week, is now Notre Dame Fighting Irish, follow by Georgia, Iowa, West Virginia, UCLA, Northwestern, Washington, Mizzou, Florida State, and Rutgers.

There, you are now reading premature top 10 teams! You are happy? Nyet, you are more confused!

WHERE IS TIER 2?

Rich, lazy Ivy League is finally playing football games like rest of nation, so Tier 2 standings and scoreboard is now complete. On Tier 2 level, is only 30 of 96 teams yet unbeaten.

Here is few interesting game results:

  • Bowling Green 55 vs. Eastern Michigan 19
  • Alabama A&M 25 vs. Western Kentucky 75
  • Alabama State 11 vs. Jacksonville State 41
  • Buffalo 22 vs. Toledo 38
  • Central Michigan 42 vs. Western Michigan 24
  • Georgia Southern 46 vs. Mercer 13
  • Grambling 24 vs. Louisiana-Monroe 19
  • Harvard 30 vs. New Hampshire 10
  • Idaho 36 vs. Montana 29
  • New Mexico 22 vs. New Mexico State 56
  • North Dakota State 25 vs. South Dakota State 35

Tier 2 Top Power ranking is also premature, but #1 rank is held at this time by Bowling Green Falcons, who is perhaps having something to prove following Tier 2 relegation in off-season. Behind BGSU is Stony Brook, William & Mary, San Jose State, James Madison, Toledo, Georgia Southern, Princeton, FIU, and UMass.

There, you are now seeing premature Top 10 rankings from Tier 2! This information is confidential. Please, no distribution. Many men is gladly dying to protect.

Tier 2 Realignment Boogaloo

Share Button
Here is photo my friend is posting to VKontakte social network website of summer 2014 vacation trip to Lake Baikal. #nofilter

Here is photo my friend is posting to VKontakte social network website of spring 2014 vacation trip to Lake Baikal. #nofilter

Privet again to every reader! Am just now returning to site after many weeks of long journey to new spring vacation spot of Lake Baikal. Is little bit more cold than normal vacation setting of Black Sea resort in Crimea, but water is very different, very refreshing. You are seeing accompanying photograph and also have longing to visit beautiful Baikal? Here is word of advice – bring flare pistol, in case you are needing of wilderness rescue. This, I am learning hard way!

TIER 2 REALIGNMENT FOR 2014 SEASON

Is now time for review of realignment of Tier 2 teams for upcoming 2014 Commie Football season. Tier 2 is more complicated bear than Tier 1, because new teams are both falling down from Tier 1 and also rising up from Tier 3. This is due to promotion and relegation system.

Here is convenient list showing realignment of Tier 2 Districts for 2014 season (new Tier 2 team is in bold like this; team moving to new District is in italic like this):

DISTRICT 1: Yale Bulldogs is being promoted from Tier 3. This is making Stony Brook Seawolves move to South division, which is in turn causing Blue Hens of Delaware move to District 2.

  • North: Brown, Harvard, Maine, New Hampshire, UMass, Yale
  • South: Lafayette, Lehigh, Penn, Princeton, Stony Brook, Villanova

DISTRICT 2: Is welcoming Delaware from District 1, which is cause for Old Dominion shift to South division. 2013 South division champion Coastal Carolina is moving to District 3.

  • North: Delaware, James Madison, Liberty, Richmond, Towson, William & Mary
  • South: Appalachian State, Elon, Norfolk State, North Carolina A&T, North Carolina Central, Old Dominion

DISTRICT 3: Two new teams is promoted to this District from Tier 3 – Charlotte 49ers and Georgia State Panthers. Also is welcome to Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina from District 2, which is pushing Georgia Southern to South division. With three new teams in District, is forcing move of Alabama State, South Alabama, and Troy Trojans to District 4.

  • North: Charlotte, Citadel, Coastal Carolina, Furman, South Carolina State, Wofford
  • South: Bethune-Cookman, Florida A&M, Florida Atlantic, Florida International, Georgia Southern, Georgia State

DISTRICT 4: Is entire new configuration. “East” division from last season is now “North” division, and is including Alabama State from District 3. New “South” division is combining South Alabama and Troy from District 3 with four teams from District 6 – Jackson State, Southern U, Southern Miss, and Tulane. Middle Tennessee and Tennessee State is now in District 5, and Memphis Tigers is earning Tier 1 promotion. Murray State is also being relegated to Tier 3 for this season.

  • North: Alabama A&M, Alabama State, Chattanooga, Jacksonville State, Samford, UAB
  • South: Jackson State, South Alabama, Southern U, Southern Miss, Troy, Tulane

DISTRICT 5: Is also changing from East/West to North/South divisions. Indiana State is being relegated to Tier 3, and Toledo Rockets is moving in after relegation from Tier 1. Also is now having Middle Tennessee and Tennessee State from District 4. Eastern Illinois and Illinois State is moving to District 6.

  • North: Akron, Buffalo, Central Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Western Michigan, Youngstown State
  • South: Eastern Kentucky, Miami (OH), Middle Tennessee, Tennessee State, Toledo, Western Kentucky

DISTRICT 6: North division is staying same as 2013, but South division is being reconfigure, with five new teams coming from Districts 4 and 5.

  • North: North Dakota, North Dakota State, Northern Iowa, South Dakota, South Dakota State, Western Illinois
  • South: Central Arkansas, Eastern Illinois, Illinois State, Missouri State, Southern Illinois, Tennessee-Martin

DISTRICT 7: Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks is being relegated here from Tier 1. Is causing Tier 2 champion North Texas Mean Green to shift to West division.

  • East: Lamar, Louisiana-Monroe, McNeese State, Northwestern State, Same Houston State, Stephen F. Austin
  • West: New Mexico, New Mexico State, North Texas, Northern Arizona, Texas State, UTEP

DISTRICT 8: Is only one change. Hawaii is moving up, and San Jose State is being relegated here from Tier 1.

  • North: Colorado State, Eastern Washington, Idaho, Montana, Montana State, Wyoming
  • South: Cal Poly, Sacramento State, San Jose State, Southern Utah, UC Davis, UNLV

WHAT IS NEXT?

Next on Commie Football offseason agenda is release of 2014 schedule for all Tier 1 and Tier 2 teams. You are remembering – because of innovative organization of teams, no team is having easy schedule filled with cupcake opponents! Also, site will soon be having update to map.

Summer is Time for Realign!

Share Button

2014 RealignmentIs like when Crimea is “realigning” with Mother Russia. Is best solution for the people.

When 2013 Commie Football season is reaching exciting conclusion, with Seminoles of Florida State winning thrilling Rose Bowl championship game over Oregon Ducks, every fan is then thinking all American college football action is coming to halt. That PUACF officials is taking long summer holiday in Black Sea resort.

NYET! Is not true! Is too much preparation to do for upcoming 2014 Commie Football season! (Also, is not best year for Black Sea holiday.)

In recent post, you are learning about promotion and relegation. This is process when some teams is moving down from Tier 1 to Tier 2 (and vice-versa) after each season. Is also happening on Tier 2 and Tier 3. Is important for making certain all teams is playing on appropriate level of strength and competition. For Tier 1 teams, is eliminating schedule filled with games against weak, cupcake opponents, like in old BCS system.

Next important process of offseason is realignment. In Commie Football, “realignment” is not curse word! Is not happening because school is hoping to collect more filthy capitalist dollars with better television contract of different conference! Nyet, is happening because in Commie Football, every District is being organized by true geography. When new teams is moving in or out of Tier 1, is creating new geographic distribution. This is requiring realignment to fix. For 2014 season, is three new teams in Tier 1.

Here is convenient outline showing realignment of Tier 1 Districts for 2014 season (new Tier 1 team is in bold like this; team moving to new District is in italic like this):

DISTRICT 1: Is nothing to see. All 12 teams from 2013 is staying same.

  • North: Army, Boston College, Connecticut, Rutgers, Syracuse, Temple
  • South: Maryland, Navy, Penn State, Pittsburgh, Virginia, West Virginia

DISTRICT 2: Is losing 2013 District champion Louisville Cardinals, and also strong Vanderbilt team. But is replacing with popular Georgia Bulldogs and little bit less-popular rival, Yellowjackets of Georgia Tech.

  • East: Duke, East Carolina, North Carolina State, North Carolina, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest
  • West: Clemson, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee

DISTRICT 3: Toledo Rockets is being relegated to Tier 2. Is causing shuffle of teams, with powerful Louisville Cardinals moving into District. Also, Bowling Green is switching to North division.

  • North: Ball State, Bowling Green, Indiana, Michigan, Michigan State, Notre Dame
  • South: Cincinnati, Kent State, Louisville, Marshall, Ohio, Ohio State

DISTRICT 4: With Georgia and Georgia Tech move to District 2, and LSU move to District 6, District 4 is now to welcome Vanderbilt and Arkansas State. Plus, is also new home of Memphis Tigers, promoted from Tier 2. Last, Auburn Tigers is joining Florida schools in East division.

  • East: Auburn, Florida, Florida State, Miami (FL), South Florida, UCF
  • West: Alabama, Arkansas State, Memphis, Mississippi State, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt

DISTRICT 5: Is no change. All 12 teams is staying in same division as 2013.

  • North: Illinois, Minnesota, Northern Illinois, Northwestern, Purdue, Wisconsin
  • South: Iowa, Iowa State, Kansas, Kansas State, Missouri, Nebraska

DISTRICT 6: Is having most changes of all Districts. Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks is now relegated to Tier 2, replacement is new promoted team Roadrunners of UTSA. LSU Tigers is moving in from District 4, and is three-team swap with District 7 – Baylor, SMU, and TCU move in, and Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Tulsa move out. Is making most Texas teams now in this District (except Texas Tech).

  • East: Arkansas, Houston, Louisiana-Lafayette, LSU, Louisiana Tech, Rice
  • West: Baylor, SMU, TCU, Texas, Texas A&M, UTSA

DISTRICT 7: As explaining above, all Oklahoma teams is now moving to this District. 2013 District 7 champion Baylor Bears is leaving. Also TCU and SMU.

  • North: Air Force, Boise State, BYU, Colorado, Utah, Utah State
  • South: Arizona, Arizona State, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, Tulsa

DISTRICT 8: Is only one change. San Jose State is being relegated to Tier 2. Replacement team is Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii.

  • North: California, Nevada, Oregon, Oregon State, Washington, Washington State
  • South: Fresno State, Hawaii, San Diego State, Stanford, UCLA, USC

Tier 2 is also having realignment, but details is following another day, after short holiday for PUACF officials. Instead of Black Sea, holiday trip is scheduled for Lake Baikal. It is taking many days to reach.