Week Seven: Remembered Shame is Fuel of Later Victory

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SHAME! Is common feeling in Commie Football.

SHAME! Is common feeling in Commie Football.

LAZY AMERICANS. SO EAGER TO DRIVE SUPERHIGHWAY, AVOID ROAD OF DIRT.

In every old capitalist college football system – NCAA, FBS, BCS, or CFP – is very common for team to be perfect 7-0 by this time of season. Why is this? Is because of nonsense conference system! Is because of incentive to pack schedule full with cupcake games, like young piglet stuffing for later slaughter! Is because of artificial popularity poll made by undeserving committee, a creation of hungry-for-advertising-revenue American television corporation, who is then saying every game is with very best teams! Bred sivoy kobyly!

Uggggh. Boooooored! Georgy is all like, TOTALLY obsessed with teaching us about Soviet military history, and I’m just like, barely awake… Leningrad, Novgorod, Stalingrad, Ostrogozhsk–Rossosh… BLUURRRGGG. Pass the kvass! Know what I’m sayin’? Anyway, I’m learning a lot, I guess. Oh, and what else was there… maybe just that… HARVARD’S STILL NUMBER ONE TOP POWER RANKING ON TIER 2, baby! Kyle, did you see that? I find that very interesting. I find that to be exceptional, don’t you think? The Russians love them some CRIMSON, amirite? Oh, but SIGGGH. It’s so lonely on the top. Perhaps the 1% know the pain of which I speak? Yeah, Georgy’s all like, fired up about the Battle of Kharkov or whatever, and I’m just like “DUDE. You don’t GET IT.” You know? Because I’m like, FREAKING OUT right now after Yale beat UMass this week. 36 to 34. And I know Yale’s like, still only 2-5 and totally in last place in the Tier 2, District 1 North division, and it’s not like it’s gonna be easy to get past Southern Miss and, YEAH, FINE – Harvard in the last game of the season. Aw, man – wouldn’t it be SWEET if Yale totally won out and Harvard lost the rest of their games, and it came down to the final game of the year – Harvard’s 7 and 4 and Yale’s 6 and 5 – and Yale totally beats Harvard’s ass and WINS THE DIVISION based on head-to-head tiebreaker? Dude! You would NOT be able to deny – that would be a total SIGN FROM GOD about what I’m supposed to do to Bobby.

When top college football team is suffering even one loss in antiquated system of NCAA, fans is weeping like drunken American debyutantka in nightclub bathroom, cursing before-favorite coach and young players. Football critics is saying is impossible for this team to now win “invitation” to miniature CFP playoff for make championship game.

Reaction is ridiculous! Is demonstration of weakness! Did Soviet Union quit war following disaster in First Battle of Kiev? NYET! Did fall of Kharkov result in Soviet surrender? NYET! One or two losing battles is not meaning war is finish!

PAIN NOW FOR LATER GLORY, IS POSSIBLE

Before Week Seven of Commie Football season, is only eight remaining unbeaten teams total, on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. Now, is even less! Washington Huskies (6-1) is losing first game of season by 31-29 score to back-from-dead Oregon Ducks (2-5). Also in District 8, California Golden Bears (6-1) is falling in defeat for first time by score 43-33 to Cougars of Washington State (4-3). Only one team is remaining unbeaten on Tier 1 level – but how long can Stanford Cardinal (7-0), who is enjoying easy 31-17 victory over Hawaii in Week Seven, remain without blemish, like rare Isaak Brodsky painting?

On Tier 2 level, is more damage for unbeaten teams! James Madison, Georgia Southern, and Sam Houston State is all suffering first loss of season in Week Seven.

Is season now over for Huskies and Cal? Should JMU, Georgia Southern, and Sam Houston abandon schedule and quit season? Is championship dream over for any team with only one loss?

NYET! Is only one battle! Full Commie Football season is long war, and is yet many opportunity for enough victory to make 16-team playoff and possible championship! Is fact – only teams with six or seven losses is already ineligible for playoff, but this is now include only 13 of 96 teams on Tier 1 level!

But da, single loss in playoff is resulting in immediate death.

Here is summary of results for exciting Week 7 games in Commie Football:

  • District 1: Temple Owls (5-2) is defeating Syracuse 24-17, moving back into tie for North division lead with Rutgers, who is losing 40-22 in medieval battle between Scarlet Knights and Black Knights of Army (3-4); Pitt Panthers (2-5) is tasting delicious nectar of 27-25 victory vs. nemesis Nittany Lions (4-3); WVU (4-3) is taking advantage with 29-22 victory vs. Navy Midshipmen to stay in South division playoff race.
  • District 2: Blue Devils (6-1, #8 rank) 35-28 victory vs. East Carolina is giving Duke a two-game lead in North division; Georgia Bulldogs (4-3) is teaching upstart Appalachian State (5-2, #20) a hard lesson in 26-19 victory; Clemson (5-2, #24) is destroying Tennessee Vols in 39-7 annihilation, to claim South division lead.
  • District 3: Buckeyes (5-2, #21 rank) is treating arch rival Michigan Wolverines (5-2, #13) to 30-16 beatdown; Michigan State (5-2, #17) is exploding all over Ohio Bobcats 67-17 to create 3-way tie with UM and OSU for North division lead; Memphis Tigers (5-2, #18) is surging with power to 54-29 victory vs. Kentucky Wildcats, to take lead in South.
  • District 4: South Florida Bulls (6-1, #10 rank) is destroying nemesis UCF 49-12 to maintain East division lead; Seminoles of FSU (5-2, #12) is lurking just behind after 37-11 victory vs. Miami Hurricanes; Ole Miss (5-2, #16) is recapturing advantage in West division with 28-12 victory vs. Louisiana Tech; Mississippi State (3-4) is clanging cowbell, defeating Crimson Tide (5-2, #22) in huge 28-17 upset victory; LSU (5-2) is missing good opportunity with embarrassing 34-30 defeat to usual weak Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette (4-3).
  • District 5: Fighting Irish (6-1, #3 rank) is making quiet comeback in Top Power rankings, fighting off Northwestern (5-2, #15) in key 31-29 victory; Iowa Hawkeyes (6-1, #4) is defeating Kansas State (5-2) 25-14 in equal critical South division game; Mizzou (6-1, #5) is sharing lead of South division following 24-18 victory vs. Cyclones of Iowa State
  • District 6: Oklahoma State (6-1) is gushing like Baku oil well up to #2 Top Power rank after 62-26 domination victory of Tulsa Golden Hurricane; Meanwhile, Oklahoma Sooners (6-1, #6) 55-40 win vs. Razorbacks of Arkansas is moving OU into 3-way tie for North division lead; Horned Frogs of TCU (6-1, #7) is third team in tie after easy 43-21 win vs. SMU; In South division, Houston Cougars (5-2, #25) is surprise beating Baylor Bears 43-27 in upset victory, is now tie for South lead with Texas A&M (5-2) who is embarrassing losing by score 21-19 to little Texas State Bobcats!
  • District 7: Defending Tier 2 champion Colorado State Rams (4-3) is surprising Boise State (5-2, #14 rank) in 26-24 upset victory; Air Force Falcons (4-3) is remaining in hunt for South division title with 37-19 victory vs.  ASU Sun Devils; Arizona Wildcats (4-3) is beating UTEP 38-29 to maintain tie for South division lead.
  • District 8: Oregon Ducks (2-5) is finally winning games, ruining perfect season of Washington Huskies (6-1, #9 rank) in 31-29 upset win; Wazzu (4-3) is also wrecking perfect season of Cal Golden Bears (6-1, #11) with 43-33 upset victory; Stanford (7-0, #1 rank) is last remaining unbeaten Tier 1 team after 31-17 win vs. Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii.

ON TIER 2, HERE IS NEWS OF TOP FIVE TEAMS

Harvard Crimson (7-0, #1 rank) is continue success with 39-18 victory vs. Brown to maintain #1 Top Power rank; In best game of week, featuring two unbeaten teams, McNeese State Cowboys (7-0, #2) is defeating Sam Houston State 29-25 to seize control of District 7 playoff race; Toledo Rockets (6-1, #3) is continue to fly high in 36-29 over Chippewas of Central Michigan; Southern Miss (6-1, #4) is efficient defeating of Samford by score 50-23; 2014 runner-up Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (6-1, #5) is climbing again near top of hill after 34-28 over Georgia State.

Week Four: What is Wolverine?

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Michigan Wolverines football team is enjoying success since overthrow of previous administration by new Premier, Yakov Harbaugh.

Michigan Wolverines football collective is enjoying success since overthrow of previous administration by new Premier Coach, Yakov Harbaugh.

WHAT IS WOLVERINE?

Is small animal, like a barsuk, but terribly ferocious. It is also nickname of University of Michigan SSR sports collective! This team is surprise rising to #1 Top Power rank following 31-5 victory over inferior Air Force Falcons in Week Four of Commie Football season. Wolverines is replacing Bulldogs of Georgia, who is being pushed away from food trough like mere runt puppy, losing 36-19 to California Golden Bears (who by way is also yet unbeaten and rising to #4 Top Power rank).

Da, is much upheaval in Top Power Rankings! All five of top teams – Georgia, West Virginia, Florida State, UCLA, and Ole Miss – is losing in Week Four, creating opportunity for new teams to rise, like delicious Russian black bread. One-third of season is complete, and only nine teams is yet undefeated. Only nine! Is proof that superior Commie Football schedule matrix, with no easy, early-season cupcake games, is best competition to determine true strength of all American college football teams!

In Week Four, every team in country is playing similar strength opponent from different District. Here is summary of important game results:

Finally, Yale won a game, if you can believe it. Took down Western Michigan 27-21. WMU was a Tier 2 playoff team last year, so that’s pretty huge. Georgy’s all like (in his dumb accent), “But WMU is yet winless. Is rank only #94 of Tier 2. Is terrible team.” All I could think about was how much I want to put my fist through his fotch. A win. Is a win. Is a WIN! Why can’t he just let me enjoy it, you know?
Speaking of “ocean of red tears” (which, if you are, means you’re Georgy talking about how Western Kentucky was “only millimeter close” to winning the Tier 2 championship last year, blah blah), earlier this week Georgy had me go down to one of the subterranean storage chambers to fetch some more bleach, because we had to wash out one of the abattoir zones (long story). The light bulb was like, burned out or something, and so it was just this dim, blue emergency lighting – super dark. I grab this bottle of what I think is bleach, and start back up the steps but I totally slip on the top stair (I’ve told Georgy about it like, 50 times, but of course he hasn’t dealt with it) and I kind of fall but try to catch myself with the big bottle. It like, slams down on the floor in front of me and the top flies off, and this noxious cloud like, explodes all in my eyes and face. And it started stinging. Like, *really* bad. But the good news is I got out of work for like, almost a week until my chemical burns healed and my eyesight started coming back. Score!

  • District 1: Plucky Temple Owls (3-1, #13 rank) is defeating Fighting Irish (3-1, #18) 22-14 in tremendous upset victory; this is creating three-way tie at top of North division after Rutgers (3-1, #24) is losing 19-17 to Nebraska Cornhuskers and UConn (3-1) is losing 22-13 to Fighting Illini; Penn State (3-1, #23) is catching WVU at top of South division after defeating old enemy from midwest, Wisconsin Badgers, by score 15-10.
  • District 2: Duke Blue Devils (3-1) is now tied with Virginia Tech at top of East division following  28-7 victory vs. Nevada Wolf Pack; in West division, loss of Georgia Bulldogs (3-1, #11) is allowing Gamecocks of South Carolina and surprise Appalachian State, who is new Tier 1 team defeating Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii 36-13, to tie at top of standings.
  • District 3: Wolverines (4-0, #1 rank) is already enjoying two-game lead on key rivals Michigan State and Ohio State (both 2-2 and losing this week); in South division, Memphis Tigers (3-1) is alone at top after 40-17 upset victory vs. Arizona Wildcats.
  • District 4: Surprise South Florida Bulls (3-1) is tying FSU in lead of East division following 28-24 USF victory vs. winless Tulsa; after terrible, confusing 2014 season, Alabama Crimson Tide (3-1) is returning to winning ways, crushing winless Texas State 59-14 to tie Ole Miss and LSU at top of West division standings.
  • District 5: Unbeaten Northwestern Wildcats is climbing to #2 Top Power rank after decisive 36-12 victory over #2 team from last week, WVU; in South division, is war looming due to simultaneous undefeated 4-0 records of Mizzou (#3 rank), Kansas State Wildcats (#5), and Iowa Hawkeyes (#8).
  • District 6: Is collision of four teams at top of North division! Oklahoma State (3-1, #10 rank) is throwing lasso around LSU in 40-18 surprise victory; Razorbacks of Arkansas (3-1) is ruining Hotty Toddy drinking of Ole Miss (3-1, #14) in 31-15 win; Sooners of Oklahoma (3-1, #21) is reliving past glories in 39-23 victory over Miami Hurricanes; TCU Horned Frogs (3-1, #17) is hopping all over Florida State (3-1, #12), winning 33-15; meanwhile, in South division, unbeaten Texas A&M (4-0, #9) is proving superiority over Mississippi State in 30-17 victory.
  • District 7: Boise State (3-1, #16 rank) is beating Louisville 34-10 to take command of North division; defending champion Buckeyes (2-2) is looking only mediocre in 33-28 loss to Arizona State Sun Devils (2-2), who is tied with four other teams to lead weak South division.
  • District 8: Washington Huskies (4-0, #7 rank) is yet unbeaten, defeating NC State 23-15 to keep pace with Cal Golden Bears (4-0, #4) at top of North division; unbeaten Stanford (4-0, #6 rank) is victorious vs. tough Clemson, winning 39-20 and taking lead in South after 35-30 UCLA loss to Georgia Tech; what the quack is happened to Oregon? One-time mighty Ducks (0-4) is losing 37-32 to East Carolina.

TIER 2: BIG RED IS RETURN ANGRY

WKUFor Western Kentucky Hilltoppers, 2014 season is ending in ocean of red tears, when WKU is losing Tier 2 championship game by only three points to Colorado State Rams. Is millimeter close! Then in offseason, is combining insult and injuries when Hilltoppers is being denied promotion to Tier 1 level, instead watching CSU and three other teams with inferior record receive this great honor.

How can Big Red avenge this insult? Is only one way – for WKU to destroy all opponents on 2015 schedule and capture Tier 2 championship! So far, plan is working – in Week Four, WKU (4-0) is unleashing destruction on Huskies of Northern Illinois, winning by outrageous score of 64-12 to claim #1 Top Power ranking on Tier 2 level. Remember, NIU is Tier 1 level team only last season (now on Tier 2 due to relegation).

Perhaps at end of undefeated season, Tier 1 is finally taking notice of Western Kentucky and sending proper invitation for promotion.

Is similar situation to when popular people is not inviting you to fun party. Instead of cry alone in cold basement bathing area, is best you are demonstrating rage, cutting wide path of destruction with fists and bayonet, to prove strength and make entire world fearful. Next party, you receive invitation.

Week Two: Who is Singing American Blues Song?

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Here is story in newspaper about famous American blues singer Bo Diddley, who is performing most famous composition "John B. Good" using only Russian balalaika.

Here is story in newspaper about famous American blues singer Bo Diddley, who is performing most famous composition “Ivan B. Goode” using only Russian balalaika.

Early weeks of American college football season is confusing time, when fan is sometimes seeing unexpected upset of strong team, defeated by weak team. This is because strong team is playing at so-so, instead of elite, level in early games, and is also maybe scheduling weak, cupcake team from different tier. This is hurting results in Commie Football supercomputer.

Ducks of Oregon and Crimson Tide of Alabama is two teams always near very top of Top Power ranking. They are maybe thinking same as many, lazy American that it is destiny or will of capitalist God to be in hunt for playoffs every season!

Week Two of 2014 Commie Football season is reminder game to both teams that for every game on schedule, is important for giving maximum performance! Oregon is losing with embarrassment to Golden Bears of California 29-25, and Crimson Tide is falling 26-23 to weak Memphis Tigers, a team only playing on Tier 1 level for first time this season following promotion! Metropolis of Memphis is mythical home of American blues music genre. This is why all of Alabama SSR (and Oregon SSR) is now singing American blues song.

Here is other news following Week Two schedule:

District 1: Temple Owls (2-0) is surprise all alone at top of North Division after upset 22-14 victory over Rutgers (0-2). Penn State (2-0) is taking dermo on archrival Pitt (1-1), 32-15. West Virginia and Cavaliers of Virginia is also remain unbeaten.

District 2: Gamecocks of South Carolina (1-1) is proving might to Georgia Bulldogs (1-1), winning by 38-35 final score. “Unbeaten Kentucky” is phrase I am surprised to be typing, but Wildcats are winning big 53-28 vs. Georgia Tech (0-2). NC State (2-0) is other unbeaten team in District, after defeating Virginia Tech 39-19.

Is week of blowout victory in District 3, where Buckeyes of Ohio State (1-1) is destroying Kent State Golden Flashes by 66-0 score. Also looking like contender is Bowling Green Falcons (1-1), following 63-24 victory over Ball State. Thundering Herd of Marshall (1-1) is also scoring many points in 56-21 victory over surprising bad Cincinnati Bearcats (0-2). Only unbeaten team in District is Notre Dame, after 25-15 victory over Michigan Wolverines (0-2).

All District 4 is feeling shock after huge 26-23 upset of Memphis Tigers (2-0)  beating Alabama (0-2). Auburn (2-0) is taking Florida Gators (1-1) by tail with 34-29 victory. Ole Miss (2-0) is raising all eyebrows after scoring 59 points in victory over Vandy (0-2). In East Division, is of course Florida State and LSU both unbeaten.

District 5: Huskies of Northern Illinois (1-1) is feeling with confidence as best team in Illinois SSR, but Fighting Illini (1-1) is having different opinion, and is winning 44-34. Hawkeyes of Iowa is only unbeaten team left in District, following narrow 25-23 victory over Kansas Jayhawks (0-2).

District 6: Texas A&M Aggies (2-) is defeating archrival Longhorns of Texas (1-1) by score of 29-13. Baylor Bears (2-0) is continuing with strong look, showing newcoming UTSA (1-1) who is boss of Texas SSR, 38-27. SMU (0-2) is somehow scoring 4 points in loss to rival TCU Horned Frogs (1-1).

In District 7, Oklahoma State (1-1) is maybe being little bit bully toward in-state cousin Tulsa Golden Hurricane, with sickening 72-11 victory. Utah State Aggies is still showing that 2012 championship victory is not fluke, is beating rival Utah Utes 36-31. In bragging right game of Arizona SSR, it is Sun Devils of ASU (1-1) defeating Arizona Wildcats (1-1) 33-29 and plundering glorious Territorial Cup to Tempe.

Biggest news from District 8 is defeat of Oregon Ducks (1-1) by Golden Bears of California, who is now surprise 2-0. Outcomes of other games is how you are maybe expecting. Is yet six unbeaten teams in District.

WHAT IS HAPPENING ON TIER 2? Is also many good and surprise games on Tier 2 in Week Two. But is still early in season, is no Ivy League games yet for supercomputer data, is no Top Power rankings yet released, and results is maybe to be ingested with pebble of salt.

A few things: Florida A&M (1-1) is finally snapping 13-game streak of losing with 25-22 victory over rival Bethune-Cookman (0-2). Eastern Illinois (0-2) who was surprise power team last season, is losing 36-7 to Missouri State. New relegated team Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks (1-1) is looking bad in 21-12 loss to Stephen F. Austin (2-0).

FACT THAT IS FOR HAVING FUN: 1960 album Bo Diddley is a Gunslinger is evidence of underground sympathy against government, and is primary crime for which Bo Diddley is later dying in Siberian gulag.