Tier 2 Playoffs: Big Red Pool of Blood!

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In District 4 Championship game, #2-rank Southern Miss Eagles is defeating #1-rank Western Kentucky 44-40. Is second time USM is defeating WKU this season.

In District 4 Championship game, #2-rank Southern Miss Eagles is defeating #1-rank Western Kentucky 44-40. Is second time USM is defeating WKU this season!

EAGLE IS REACHING HIGHER ALTITUDE THAN HILLTOP

Most exciting of all Commie Football Round 1 playoff games is perhaps Tier 2/District 4 Championship, where #1 Top Power rank Western Kentucky Hilltoppers – the team almost winning Tier 2 championship last season, then receiving snub instead of promotion to Tier 1 level during offseason – is on KGB mission for all 2015 season to destroy each opponent on path to championship glory! Is destiny, da?

But is one bump in road – loss to Southern Miss Eagles in Week 6 is preventing perfect season. Now look at this – Eagles is finishing regular season also with 11-1 record, and is now Top Power #2 rank. And this is opponent who WKU is meeting again, to make REVENGE this time, in Tier 2/District 4 Championship game!

But in this game, which many fan is considering to be true championship of entire Tier 2 level, it is Southern Miss Eagles (12-1, #1) defeating Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-2, #3) by score 44-40, to prove to world who is true, new czar of Tier 2 college football!

At least for one week. World shall see how Southern Miss is performing in Round 2 of playoffs (see schedule and entire scoreboard here). In meanwhile…

Here is results of ROUND 1 of 2015 Tier 2 playoffs:

District: 1
Location: Villanova, Pennsylvania SSR
Final Score: Villanova 33, Harvard 17
Notes: Both teams is possessing ferocious defense, and Harvard is displaying brains and brawn both when reaching #1 rank for three weeks during regular season. Yet it is Villanova who is ultimate winner of District 1 title (win is avenging loss to UMass last season). Harvard is maybe taking football lesson from weakling Bobby! Wildcat #3-rank defense is primary source of hope in Round 2 vs. powerful Toledo Rockets (of T2/District 5).

 

District: 2
Location: Harrisonburg, Virginia SSR
Final Score: James Madison 38, North Carolina A&T 20
Notes: With superiority on both sides of football, James Madison is defeating Aggies to claim crown of T2/District 2. NCAT is never reaching to top ten Top Power ranking, despite many wins in difficult season schedule. In end, good NCAT defense (#17 rank) is unable to contain more-good JMU #10-rank offense. But now Dukes is next playing powerful San Jose State (from T2/District 8 on other side of continent) in Round 2.

 

District: 3
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: Georgia Southern 42, South Carolina State 6
Notes: Georgia Southern is winning second District 3 title consecutive, in destruction of SCSU, who is unprepared like Poland in year 1939. Eagles is possessing perhaps greatest balance of offense (#7) and defense (#2) on Tier 2 level, and is playing most of season with top ten Top Power ranking. Is too much for good, but less, #13-rank defense of Bulldogs. Only loss for GSU this season is Week 7 to strong FAU (9-3, #16). Is GSU perhaps thinking already about Southern Miss? Is best to concentrate first on Round 2 opponent, Tulane Green Wave (of T2/District 7)!

 

District: 4
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 44, Western Kentucky 40
Notes: Why is Southern Miss entering game as lower #2 rank, when is already defeating WKU in Week Six, and spending two weeks in middle of season as #1 rank? Is due to complex algorithm of Soviet supercomputer, which is perhaps penalizing USM for Week One loss to eventual weakling Eastern Washington (2-10). This disrespect, even from machine, is fueling Eagles #1-rank offense to victory, now screaming like MiG fighter jet again to #1 Top Power rank, before Round 2 game vs. Jackrabbits of South Dakota State (of T2/District 6).

 

District: 5
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: Toledo 33, Akron 21
Notes: Rockets is continue impressive season, climbing entire distance to #1 Top Power rank after Week Eight, only to burn in atmosphere like Mir space station in Week Nine 78-19 decimation by archrival Bowling Green. In meantime, Akron is stumbling into playoffs from weak South division on four-game win streak, like drunken gambler, but Zips is never making even to top 25 in Top Power ranking entire season! Steady Toledo Rockets attack is defeating jumping Zips, who is saying always “Fear the Roo” but nobody in world is fearing! Is silly kangaroo! Toledo is facing Villanova Wildcats (of T2/District 1) in Round 2 of playoffs.

 

District: 6
Location: Carbondale, Illinois SSR
Final Score: South Dakota State 44, Southern Illinois 38
Notes: In shock upset, #7-defense of Jackrabbits is slowing down #9-offense of Salukis for victory by small margin. SIU is old power, returning to Tier 2 playoffs for first time since 2012, always ranking high in Top Power during this season, but South Dakota State is hopping quiet through tall prairie grass during season, only to wait for sudden ambush of resting dog in district championship game! But will this ambush strategy work in fight vs. high-flying, #1 rank Southern Miss Eagles (of T2/District 4) in Round 2, next week?

 

District: 7
Location: Lake Charles, Louisiana SSR
Final Score: Tulane 62, McNeese State 22
Notes: With 11-1 record and already defeating in Week Five, McNeese is perhaps thinking Green Wave is easy opponent. But in perhaps most surprise upset game during first round, #13-offense of Tulane is bringing shame to #6-defense of McNeese, placing 62 points on scoreboard! Because of weak, last-place schedule (due to bad 2014 season), Cowboys is taking easy path to playoffs, while Tulane – making third appearance, consecutive in playoffs (and each year in different District due to realignment!) – is fighting way through most difficult schedule on Tier 2 level to AGAIN advance to Round 2! But is bad luck that opponent this year is powerful Georgia Southern Eagles (of T2/District 3).

 

District: 8
Location: San Jose, California SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 36, Wyoming 23
Notes: Wyoming is example of team reaching peak performance too soon in season, but is then losing 3 of final 4 games, to include District 8 Championship to San Jose State, who is using #5 offense to overwhelm soft Cowboys defense, like hot bayonet in warm maslo. SJSU is next to meet James Madison (naming for former leader of ancient American regime, from Tier 2/District) in Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs. This is many twos.

Georgy’s letting me write my report from the interrogation chamber. I have no clue how many days we’ve been “accidentally locked” in here, but I’m bored as hell, Kyle’s asleep like, 18 hours a day, and the bathroom situation is getting WAAAAY, way gross in here.
Hey. It’s Bobby again. All Kyle’s doing right now is like, snoring and sort of… I dunno… twitching? Every few minutes. And always drooling. So much. It’s like, running down the drain in the floor in the center of the cell.

PREPARE FOR ROUND 2 OF TIER 2 PLAYOFFS

Here is schedule for Tier 2/Round 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Southern Miss (12-1, #1) vs.
    (8) South Dakota State (9-4, #16)
  • (2) Georgia Southern (12-1, #2) vs.
    (7) Tulane (9-4, #10)
  • (3) Toledo (11-2, #4) vs.
    (6) Villanova (10-3, #8)
  • (4) San Jose State (11-2, #5) vs.
    (5) James Madison (11-2, #6)

Look at this schedule. Then, wipe drool from mouth.

I am telling this, always, to Bobby, because Intern Kyle is having disgusting drool running like water from mouth, when sleeping. I am hoping to find passcode to unlock interrogation chamber in few days. More priority is routine-but-critical maintenance necessary on plumbing system, attached to cooling mechanism inside supercomputer. Is taking one person… three or four days, maximum, to fix.

Tier 2 Playoffs: You Are Feeling Intensity?

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In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

DO NOT FORGET! IS TIER 2, ALSO.

Tier 1 playoff race is commanding attention of American media, but increasing number of fans is discovering pleasure of Tier 2 level, where weakest teams from old FBS level is competing for honor and glory alongside best teams from old FCS level.

Each season, Tier 2 is most impacted by promotion and relegation from both Tier 1 and Tier 3 levels. To win championship on Tier 2 level is perhaps little bit less glorious than Tier 1, but here is where satisfaction of victory is most pure, like mystical waters of Lake Baikal!

Last season, Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1) is utilizing powerful offense to fight entire way to Tier 2 championship game, where is sad when losing to superior Colorado State Rams, by mere three points. Then, WKU is suffering much disrespect when four other teams is receiving promotion to Tier 1 level, but not Hilltoppers! Instead, WKU is stuck on Tier 2 level, like porosenok in mud, moving to new district during annual realignment… and plotting revenge.

Now, instead of large, soft red blob, Big Red is looking strong like Vasily Alekseyev, with 2nd rank offense and 15th rank defense, rising to #1 Top Power rank on Tier 2 level! But here is interesting challenge – opponent in District 4 Championship game is same, only team who is defeating WKU in Week Six. Is Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2 rank), who is having 1st rank offense and also spectacular season. Who will emerge, like steam from Tolbachik volcano, as superior team and advance to Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs?

CONTENDERS FOR TIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY!

TIER 2 PLAYOFFS: Round 1

District 1:HARV vs. NOVA
District 2:JMU vs. NCAT
District 3:SCSU vs. GASO
District 4:WKU vs. USM
District 5:TLDO vs. AKRN
District 6:SDST vs. SIU
District 7:TULN vs. NEES
District 8:WYO vs. SJSU
  • District 1: Harvard Crimson (9-3, #9) vs. Villanova Wildcats (9-3, #14) – All season, Intern Bobby is mewling like feral cat about greatness of Harvard! Offense is mediocre 36th rank, but defense is indeed 3rd strongest on Tier 2 level, leading Crimson to three weeks consecutive at #1 Top Power rank. But strange, three-game losing streak is changing perspective, including Week 10 loss to Villanova, who is entering 2015 postseason with exact same record and rank as 2014! Wildcats is winning division due to Week Nine victory over Seawolves of Stony Brook (9-3, #18) and the SBU 1st rank defense.
  • District 2: James Madison Dukes (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T Aggies (9-3, #12) – JMU is spending almost entire season with top ten ranking and has 10th rank offense, but will weak, 52nd rank defense bring playoff doom? NCAT is opposite, with strong 9th rank defense and mediocre 47th rank offense, winning final three games of season to seize South division from favored William & Mary (8-4, #21) and surprise North Carolina Central (9-3, #17).
  • District 3: South Carolina State Bulldogs (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern Eagles (11-1, #3) – SCSU is winning weak North division with strong 8th rank defense and dramatic 32-27 victory over Coastal Carolina (6-6) in final week of regular season. GSU is making second consecutive playoff appearance with same record and rank as 2014! Powerful offense (8th) and defense (5th) is keeping Eagles one-step before Florida Atlantic (9-3, #16) in division, who is responsible for lone GSU loss.
  • District 4: Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2) – Many is considering this game to be true championship of entire Tier 2 level, pitting two most powerful offenses and top-ranked teams. Will WKU suffer breaking heart like last season? Can USM 38th rank defense contain strength of Big Red, as in 46-30 Week Six victory? Eagles is losing only in Week One of season and is scoring 70+ points two times in final three weeks!
  • District 5: Toledo Rockets (10-2, #5) vs. Akron Zips (8-4, #28) – Toledo is yet remembering humiliation of relegation after disaster 2013 season on Tier 1 level, using shame as fuel for success on Tier 2, rising to #1 Top Power rank after Week Eight, but failing to remain high in sky with humiliation 78-19 loss to rival Bowling Green (8-4, #19)! Is Rockets making recovery in time for playoff? After losing first two games of season, Akron is seizing weak South division with four-game win streak at end, including victory over Ball State (7-5).
  • District 6: South Dakota State Jackrabbits (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois Salukis (9-3, #15) – Jackrabbits is hopping into playoffs when Northern Illinois (8-4, #20) is blowing opportunity in 33-29 loss to Northern Iowa in final week of regular season. 6th rank defense and Week Nine win over NIU is opening doorway. SIU is having 9th best offense on Tier 2 level, defeating all five division rivals, including Illinois State (9-3, #11) in Week Three.
  • District 7: Tulane Green Wave (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State Cowboys (11-1, #4) – Tulane is playing one of most difficult schedules on Tier 2 level, including Week Five loss to McNeese, but victories over both Alcorn State (7-5) and Southern U (7-5) is locking down East division. McNeese is bouncing back from 3-9 record in 2014 to defeat every District 7 opponent and claim West division. Mere two-point loss to Montana State in Week Eight is preventing unbeaten record!
  • District 8: Wyoming Cowboys (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State Spartans (10-2, #6) – Wyo is climbing as high as #4 Top Power rank with decent, 19th rank offense, but is losing two of final three games to finish season with many questions. SJSU is possessing explosive 4th rank offense, spending much of season in top 20 and fending off rival UNLV (8-4, #23) for South division title, despite loss to Runnin’ Rebels in Week Nine.

OKAY, YOU WILL NOW WAIT SIX WEEKS FOR START OF PLAYOFFS.

OMG, so Harvard like, totally kicked Yale’s butt – 30-something to like, 16 or 18 or something? – in the final game of the regular season AND made the Tier 2 playoffs! I’m totally rubbing it in Kyle’s face. But he just grunts like a caveman and skulks away. Whatever. My life couldn’t be better. Of course, it’d always be nice to be a little closer to home. And you know, I miss my American friends. And family. And Netflix. And being allowed to use the internet and talk on the phone unmonitored. Especially around the holidays, you know? My mom makes reeeeeally good pumpkin pie. But I keep telling myself – hey, this is the working world, this is my best job offer after getting kicked out of college, and I have to like, work my way up the ladder. Of course, I didn’t imagine it as like, a LITERAL metal ladder – every time Georgy orders me to do something around here! Up and down, up and down! Every tool he (or Kyle) ever needs to fix some piece of stupid equipment is located in like, an old, greasy box, under a tarp, on the top shelf, in the back closet, behind a bunch of rusty, leaking pipes, in the furthest storage chamber down on one of the subterranean levels! Why are there no elevators in this place? Oh, wait – there is one, but Georgy won’t give me the stupid access code! Ugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

You are now knowing all 16 playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. You are excited to begin playoff games, to determine very best American college football teams for 2015 season.

But you must learn patience, because you will wait many weeks for this information. Here is why – in order for Soviet supercomputer to calculate champion teams, is requiring proper data. This data is to include scores from meaningless bowl games named after corporation and games from flawed, inferior College Football Playoff. Only with this data can supercomputer algorithm determine ultimate fate of teams in world of Commie Football.

Is always difficult for spoiled Americans especially, always wanting now, now, now, to understand true meaning of this concept, patience.

Is not so difficult to learn. As example, Soviet citizens is waiting many hours, sometimes days, in middle of winter, standing in long queue to await latest shipment of fresh goat’s milk. And then is only receiving one-half liter, maximum.