Promotion & Relegation: Is “Redrum” for Some Teams

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Here is photo Bobby is taking showing vision of Condoleezza in hallway here at emergency secondary headquarters.

Here is photo Intern Bobby is taking, showing vision of Condoleezza in rare-used corridor of emergency secondary headquarters. Bobby is having long conversation, but is not telling me what Condi is saying, which is making me very angry. VERY VERY ANGRY.

When Commie Football season is ending following Tier 1 and Tier 2 championship games, is natural for to become quiet here at emergency secondary headquarters. In past years, is taking perhaps two or three weeks to make repairs to exterior structure, due to harsh winter climate. Then is many days of hunting wild game in deep forest in order to replenish food storage. Then is perhaps one week more in hyperbaric sleep chamber, for body to repair from injuries of football season. Then, is time for running Soviet supercomputer algorithm to determine promotion and relegation for next season.

What is this meaning? At end of every Commie Football season, some teams is earning promotion from Tier 2 to Tier 1 for next season. Also opposite, some teams is moving down from Tier 1 to Tier 2 in process called relegation. Is very common system to European professional sport league, but is never popular in American sport leagues. Until Commie Football is bringing!

But this is unusual offseason. First, is endless snowstorm and extreme cold temperature, strange even for remote Russia. This is freezing and destroying communications equipment, preventing contact with outside world. Second, is eerie quiet in headquarters, with only sound of low hum in server chamber (and perhaps faint sound of dissonant violins).

Intern Bobby is saying...All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy. All work and no play makes Bobby a dull boy.

Third, is strange behavior of Intern Bobby. After overflowing hot tub like wild animal at end-of-season celebration, Bobby is then forgetting to make critical final season standings and Top Power rankings updates to website. Later, I am discovering missing emergency food supplies, half eaten in Bobby’s chamber wastebasket. Is he finding secret way to pick lock on food storage chamber? Is impossible! Lock is always secure. Also, review of security camera footage is showing that Bobby is in his own chamber most hours.

Finally, I am one day hearing Bobby speaking in corridor. When I am looking, Bobby is standing at one end of long passage, speaking to someone at opposite end, saying “forever and ever and ever.” Wave of excitement is overtaking me as I am seeing vision of Condoleezza Rice at other end of hallway.

In this vision, Condi is beautiful and smiling, but not waving hello. Then is sudden disappearing! I am shaking Bobby by shoulders, screaming “What is Condoleezza saying?! What is latest news on mission to undermine corrupt, inferior College Football Playoff system?!” But Bobby is only staring into distance, never telling what she is having said to him! This is more evidence of Bobby being simple-minded, spoiled American rebenok!

But please, let us return to promotion and relegation. Here is moment you are waiting. Is four teams making leap from Tier 2 to Tier 1 for next football season:


RISE TO TIER 1
:

CSU_2014TXSTAPPUTEP

  • Colorado State Rams (15-1, #1) – After glorious victory in Tier 2 championship game, CSU is now returning to Tier 1 level after three seasons on lower level. Here is good question – is CSU now strongest football program in Colorado SSR? Rivalry games against Colorado Buffs and Air Force Falcons is now again possible.
  • Texas State Bobcats (12-3, #3) – Many college football fans is never hearing of this team. But Texas State is emerging from crazy difficult District 7 West division and advancing to Round 3 of playoffs, before losing to eventual runner-up Western Kentucky.
  • Appalachian State Mountaineers (11-3, #7) – WVU is not only Mountaineers in Tier 1! Appalachian State is rebounding from two losing seasons to become District 2 champion and advance to Round 2 of playoffs, where is losing Texas State. Average attendance is also very strong.
  • UTEP Miners (9-3, #10) – Is perhaps most surprising team to receive promotion, but UTEP is powerful team, only missing playoffs due to great season of Texas State. Average attendance is also higher than many teams already on Tier 1.

Some fans is asking – where is Tier 2 runner-up team WKU? Georgia Southern? Western Michigan, who is remaining unbeaten until losing in first round of playoffs? This is where average attendance is critical measurement. Western Kentucky is having very good season, but as 2013 Tier 2 champion Mean Green of North Texas and runner-up Buffalo Bulls is learning one year ago, not every team advancing to championship is automatic receiving promotion invitation! All Tier 1 teams must have certain level of support from fans.

Now, with four teams receiving promotion, must also four teams receive delegation. Is sad, redrum day for these teams, who will play next season on Tier 2 level:


DROP TO TIER 2
:

  • Bowling Green Falcons (3-9) – BGSU is having bad season, winning only against two other relegation teams and almost-relegated Ohio Bobcats. Is a return of Falcons to Tier 2 after two seasons at top level.
  • Northern Illinois Huskies (3-9) – Here is team experiencing actual success in recent seasons on Tier 1, but is always having terrible attendance. For teams like this, is lesson – relegation is forever only one bad season away!
  • Kent State Golden Flashes (3-9) – Little Kent State is always fighting above weight. Is surviving relegation last season, but is now returning to lower Tier after two bad seasons at top level.
  • Ball State Cardinals (1-11) – Ball State is Tier 2 runner-up in 2012, then is posting winning record on Tier 1 level in 2013. Is surprise to see tiny Ball State playing with big boys, but sharing Indiana SSR fans with Notre Dame, Purdue, and Indiana Hoosiers, miniscule Ball State is attracting less than 10,000 fans to home games on average. Oh, and also is horrible season record. So is back to Tier 2 for Cardinals!

Next post is explaining promotion and delegation on lower Tiers, including teams receiving promotion from Tier 3 to Tier 2 for 2015 season, as well as delegation from Tier 2 to Tier 3 (and do not forget about Tier 3 to Tier 4)!

I am just having thought. Perhaps if I smash Intern Bobby’s door with sharp topor, he is then revealing what Condoleezza is saying to him.

Never Forget, Is Also Tier 2 Playoffs!

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With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

IS INCLUDE MANY EMOTION, LIKE THRILL OF VICTORY, GRIEF OF DEFEAT, AND REVENGE OF OLD FEUD

Is also very exciting American college football playoff games on Tier 2 level. Only difference from Tier 1 playoffs is this: Round 1 (District Championship) game is playing at home stadium of team with better record. Some is liking this better than travel to glamorous location, such as Aloha Bowl in Hawaii SSR.

But many is asking if Commie Football season is too long. I am hearing every day in whining American accent (okay, is Intern Bobby), “But when’s it going to be oooo-ver? And what about the student-ATHletes? You know, STOODENT-athletes? Like, when do they have time to go to CLASS even?”

Is stupid questions. In Commie Football, only 16 of 96 teams is making playoffs on each Tier. So instead of play in meaningless bowl game in Florida SSR or Bahamas SSR, most student-athletes is returning to old pile of hay in university dormitory, sharing sliced, raw skin of potato, and watching playoff games on small communal television.

Here is results of ROUND 1 of 2014 Tier 2 playoffs:

r1-t2-d1District: 1
Location: Amherst, MA
Final Score: UMass 47, Villanova 23
Notes: Embarrassing Week 12 loss to Brown is waking up UMass, who is then pummeling Wildcats of Villanova to win District 1 Championship. Is showing good balance this season of offense and defense, but is maybe flying under radar in weak District? Minutemen is next facing tough Georgia Southern in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d2 District: 2
Location: Boone, NC
Final Score: Appalachian State 33, Richmond 25
Notes: Appalachian State is returning to winning ways this season, beating Spiders of Richmond for second time in four weeks to claim District 2 crown. Mountaineers look only so-so with offense and defense statistics, while Spiders is mere stumbling into playoffs from weak division. Since consecutive losses to New Mexico Lobos (Week 4) and weak Liberty Flames (Week 5), Mountaineers is winning eight games consecutive, and is facing dangerous Texas State Bobcats in Round 2.

r1-t2-d3 District: 3
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: Georgia Southern 44, Coastal Carolina 25
Notes: High-power offense of Georgia Southern is carrying team to victory against mediocre Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina, who is ending season with three-game losing streak and not even in Top Power 25. Eagles is suffering only one loss in Week 11 to Appalachian State, and is carrying strong momentum to battle UMass in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d4 District: 4
Location: Homewood, AL
Final Score: Tulane 41, Samford 18
Notes: Last season, Tulane Green Wave is losing close District 6 Championship game to North Dakota State. This season, team is playing good-enough defense to survive difficult schedule and sneak into playoffs, unranked. Surprise Samford is climbing as high as #3 Top Power rank while opening season 9-0, but is beating many weak teams and eventual losing to Troy (Week 10) and Chattanooga (Week 12), so maybe Bulldogs is not possessing critical skills for playoff competition. Green Wave is making playoff victory look easy, even in visitor stadium. But will not be so easy in Round 2 vs. top-ranked Colorado State.

r1-t2-d5 District: 5
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Final Score: Western Kentucky 52, Western Michigan 37
Notes: All America is yet trying to understand upset of top-ranked, unbeaten Western Michigan! Hilltoppers of WKU is demonstrating angry explosion of #1-rank offense, now winning every game since intense 31-29 loss to WMU (Week 5), and also avenging famous incident involving brutal attack at WKU mascot Big Red. For Broncos, is sudden, disappointing end to exciting season. Sad WMU fans is now turning hope to promotion to Tier 1 for 2015 season. But for WKU fans, dream of championship glory is to continue next week in Round 2 playoff game vs. Illinois State.

r1-t2-d6 District: 6
Location: Normal, IL
Final Score: Illinois State 41, Northern Iowa 21
Notes: Illinois State is rising from obscure corner of Tier 2 this season to slowly climb Top Power 25 ranking, and eventual win strong-like-cold-steel District 6 with #1-rank overall defense. Northern Iowa is also enjoying surprise playoff run, winning division over perennial power North Dakota State, but Panthers offense is no match for ISU. Road for Redbirds is becoming more difficult in Round 2 vs. Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky – when #1 offense is meeting #1 defense in battle for all ages!

r1-t2-d7 District: 7
Location: San Marcos, TX
Final Score: Texas State 60, Stephen F. Austin 22
Notes: Texas State is emerging from three-team dogfight with UTEP and New Mexico Lobos to claim West division title, and also slaying other Texas SSR school, Stephen F. Austin two times this season. SFA is like little brother wanting to enter hard drug trade to idolize older brother, but is instead being beaten by #2 offense of older brother for own good, as strange show of love. And yet, proud Lumberjacks is accomplish rare feat this season – starting as #12 seed in District to make to championship game. Bobcats is climbing as high as #2 Top Power rank this season, losing only to tough Lobos and Louisiana-Monroe, and is facing Appalachian State in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d8District: 8
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Final Score: Colorado State 39, UNLV 29
Notes: Colorado State, in resplendid orange-and-green uniform of old times, is playing like team on critical KGB mission. Last season, Rams is sneaking into Tier 2 playoffs, surprise winning District title over UNLV, surprise upsetting top-seed North Dakota State, and almost surprise beating eventual champion North Texas in Final Four game. This season, is different – Rams is now #1 Top Power rank after repeat beating of UNLV in District 8 Championship. CSU is having very good offense and defense, and playing very difficult schedule, taking down UNLV Rebel team that is even better than last season. CSU will now face lowest-seed Tulane in Round 2 of playoffs. What if history is repeating from last year, only with CSU losing to lowest-seed team? This is irony, da?

Intern Bobby is saying...Blegh. So I’ve been like, *super* groggy and out-of-it ever since Georgy put me to sleep in that hyperbolic chamber thing. I don’t even know how many days I was in there, but it was definitely more than two. AND I’m missing a front tooth! But, Georgy showed me the surveillance tape and it was definitely my own klutzy fault. I told Georgy to erase it, but he’s all like, “Nyet, I will enter into American Funny Home Video competition on television.” I don’t know. It’d kind of be cool to be famous, I guess.

PREPARE FOR ROUND TWO OF PLAYOFFS

Here is schedule for Tier 2/Round 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Colorado State (12-1, #1) vs.
    (8) Tulane (8-5, #20)
  • (2) Georgia Southern (12-1, #2) vs.
    (7) UMass (10-3, #8)
  • (3) Texas State (11-2, #4) vs.
    (6) Appalachian State (11-2, #7)
  • (4) Western Kentucky (11-2, #5) vs.
    (5) Illinois State (11-2, #6)

Look at this schedule. Then, wipe drool from mouth. I am saying this to Intern Bobby often, due to missing tooth and always-running, disgusting drool from mouth.