Ded Moroz is Coming to Town

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Here is chamber where Intern Kyle is staying until interrogation is complete.

Here is chamber where Intern Kyle is staying until interrogation is complete. Bobby is wanting to decorate, so I am allowing wooden statue of Ded Moroz to stand as funny “guard” of prison. But Bobby is placing too close, and Kyle is taking wooden scepter of statue and picking lock to escape.

Is Orthodox Christmas day. As gift, I am waking Intern Kyle from deep hyperbaric sleep and giving opportunity to complete test of loyalty, to defend self against suspicion as secret double-agent.

WAKING

Was very difficult to wake and remove Intern Kyle from hyperbaric sleep chamber. Bobby is making accident and giving too much dose of pure oxygen, including also unique mixture of chemical gas, of my own invention. Is causing Kyle to sleep for many days more than original plan of one week. I am using Soviet supercomputer to discover new method of waking from deep hyperbaric sleep, but is taking one week, additional time, due to much frustrating, glitching connection to Internet.

Ded Moroz

Here is close photo of Ded Moroz, who is Russian Father of Christmas, wearing blue costume instead of red. Bobby is carving this statue from piece of old firewood as Orthodox Christmas present. Paint is little bit sloppy.

Uuuhggh.  I don’t FEEL goood. Not… sure what’s going on. Or where… am I in Russia… er…? Grwh…– <snores>

During this long wait, Bobby is wanting to decorate interrogation chamber for Orthodox Christmas. I am allowing him to place wooden statue he is carving with bayonet of Ded Moroz, who is Russian Father of Christmas. Is similar to American Santa of Klaus, but is wearing blue costume instead of red.

ESCAPE!

Kyle is waking in interrogation chamber during middle of night, and is then reaching out of prison cell and removing wooden scepter from hand of Ded Moroz statue. Kyle is then picking lock and making escape.

When I am waking in morning, I am finding Kyle in deep sleep inside food chamber, with many frozen loaf of rye breads. Bobby is helping to load sleeping body into tachka, and we are returning Kyle to interrogation chamber, where he is again waking.

THE TEST

Then, I am giving to Kyle important test. I am asking him to name, from own memory, each qualifying playoff team on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels for 2015 Commie Football season.

In addition to pass test, Kyle is having to say each team record and Top Power rank, and first round opponent, which is District Championship games.

Here is what Intern Kyle is saying is schedule for Round 1, next week:

TIER 1

  • District 1: Connecticut (8-4, #27) vs. West Virginia (8-4, #21)
  • District 2: Duke (9-3, #14) vs. Clemson (9-3, #13)
  • District 3: Michigan (9-3, #10) vs. Memphis (8-4, #26)
  • District 4: South Florida (10-2, #3) vs. Ole Miss (9-3, #7)
  • District 5: Notre Dame (9-3, #5) vs. Iowa (11-1, #2)
  • District 6: Oklahoma (11-1, #1) vs. Houston (8-4, #23)
  • District 7: Utah (9-3, #12) vs. Air Force (8-4, #29)
  • District 8: Washington (9-3, #9) vs. USC (9-3, #6)

TIER 2

  • District 1: Yale (4-8, #78) vs. Villanova (9-3, #14)
  • District 2: James Madison (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T (9-3, #12)
  • District 3: South Carolina State (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern (11-1, #3)
  • District 4: Western Kentucky (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss (11-1, #2)
  • District 5: Toledo (10-2, #5) vs. Akron (8-4, #28)
  • District 6: South Dakota State (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois (9-3, #15)
  • District 7: Tulane (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State (11-1, #4)
  • District 8: Wyoming (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State (10-2, #6)

As you read now, is many intriguing matchups, from every region of country. Is true, best system to determine champion for all fans of American college football.

THE VERDICT

But as you also read, Kyle is making one mistake. He is saying “Yale Bulldogs” as representative of Tier 2/District 1 (North Division). This is incorrect. Is Harvard Crimson (9-3, #9) who is true making to Tier 2/District 1 Championship game!

I am saying to Kyle, “You are still asleep, dreaming.” Then I am marching to chamber door, turning out chamber light, and slamming door shut (which is automatic locking)!

LATER

Then, after many minutes, perhaps one hour, I am realizing that I am accident locking Bobby into chamber with Intern Kyle. But is very late. Is probably okay….

Hyperbaric Sleep is Best for Health, Loyalty

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Here is photo showing temporary computer system for maintenance of hyperbaric sleep chamber.

Here is photo showing temporary computer system for maintenance of hyperbaric sleep chamber.

In middle of interesting Twitter conversation you see above, regarding which team is wearing which variety of undergarment, Commie Football is receiving above Tweet from fan/informant in District 8, with suspicion that Intern Kyle is not who he is saying.

Georgy is also having this suspicion. Why is this? Like gradual accumulation of snow on roof of building, accumulation of minor observations is one day making roof collapse!

  • In early days of internship, Kyle is given task to fix satellite feed, which is broken by Bobby to only show idiot American television program “Friends” on endless loop. He is doing this very quickly. Perhaps… too quickly?
  • One day, Kyle is taking long time to return from hunting turkey. He is saying this is due to becoming disoriented in forest. Is impossible, I am giving good compass.
  • When Yale football team is having terrible season, Kyle is not always showing appropriate level of anger, instead sometimes shrugging shoulders and no longer paying entire attention. Is this how loyal “redshirt” member of Yale football team, as he is telling to me, is behaving?
  • Another day, while gathering wood for primary furnace, our group (Georgy, Kyle, Bobby) is coming under attack from wild yenot, who are most hungry this time of year. Kyle is seeming to aim bayonet at Bobby, who is then tripping on rock. Kyle bayonet is then missing Bobby and slaughtering yenot.
  • Later in battle, while I am defensing helpless Bobby on ground, Kyle is then slaughtering final yenot with very accurate throw of bayonet, mere centimeters from my ear. Perhaps this bayonet throw is… too accurate?
OMG. Like, double OMG, if I have to live through another round with the hyperbolic sleep chamber AGAIN. I did NOT enjoy being inside that thing last year. Although I do have to say – really, REALLY great sleep. Sooo good.

Crazy dreams. But then of course, it took me like, DAYS or WEEKS or whatever to feel like, totally awake again. No thanks man. Already done-been HAZED.

I am developing plan as test of Kyle loyalty. I am preparing hyperbaric sleep chamber for annual hibernation period, after regular season is finish but before Commie Football playoffs in January. In normal situation, I am entering sleep chamber in late December and waking in time for Orthodox Christmas.

But is problem with normal computer system attached to sleep chamber. After recent software update, interface is looking very different and Bobby is clicking wrong button to run diagnostic test, rendering computer unresponsive to manual input. I am asking Intern Kyle to fix.

Kyle is finding source of software issue (which is real), but is also discovering possible short circuit in wires inside chamber wall (which is fake). When Kyle is entering chamber to fix, I am placing boot on his zadnitsa and giving strong push! Then I am slamming shut chamber door and activating system, using controls connected to temporary, secondary computer housed in unused storage chamber (see photo above). Computer is very old, but is reliable so long as room temperature is remain below freezing.

Kyle is now enjoying long hyperbaric sleep. Atmosphere of chamber is very much oxygen, with also unique mixture of chemical gas… of my own invention.

After waking, while still feeling effect of sleep, I will ask series of questions to reveal true nature of purpose for Kyle here.

More History of Football in Soviet Russia

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People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television for many years.

People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television, when electricity is available.

Is difficult to understand why evidence from previous season is not enough for imbecile Americans! Is yet many with false belief that football is unique sport invented in former United States.

lenin-scoreboard-op

Here is photo of Vladimir Lenin shouting score of football game to excited Soviet fans, who is yet learning rules.

This is lie! Is propaganda creation of former American government, who is always preventing truth from reaching ears of its people, as when is saying American astronauts is walking on Moon! Or when there is “Miracle on Ice” in 1980 Olympic ice hockey match and United States is winning gold medal over superior CCCP team! Weak-minded Americans is always believing in miracle first, and in statement of fact last!

Truth about history of football is this – sport being called “American football” is actual invention of Soviet Union. Is having origin when peasant farm workers is throwing potatoes as practice for grenade assault on Tsarist armies during Revolution of 1905. Vladimir Lenin is later writing first official rulebook, which is then stolen by American spy Walter Camp, who is introducing sport to United States.

big-three-watching-football

Here is photograph of Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin enjoying good seats and laugh at Soviet football game. Superior understanding of football strategy is helping Stalin to lead victory against Nazi Germany in Great Patriotic War.

Here is additional photographs from early history of sport, showing as 100% proof to all world of true origins (see previous post for more photograph evidence).

Many football games is yet today being played on field beside tomb of Vladimir Lenin, who is enjoying game so much, country is building beautiful, popular football stadium beside his tomb. Artificial turf is recently being replaced by natural tundra surface.

This is Story About Control

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"Tovarisch Jackson, if you are nasty."

“Tovarisch Jackson, if you are nasty.”

GIVE ME (OPPONENT) TO BEAT!

This is what every college football team qualifying for 2015 Commie Football playoffs is now wanting. Even more, every college football fan is losing breath with anticipation for excitement to know who is champion team.

But as Dzhenet Jackson, famous poet from Indiana SSR, is saying, “let us wait awhile.” Why is wait? Is because in world of Commie Football, superior 16-team playoff to determine TRUE champion of all American college football is schedule in January, many weeks in future.

Is good reason, worthy of long wait! Soviet supercomputer is requiring proper data to determine final scores of Commie Football playoff games, including final scores of pointless conference championship games (early December) and meaningless bowl games named for corrupt American corporation (late December/early January). Only after this, is then time for Commie Football playoffs.

As reminder, here is review of qualifying playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. Remember, first round is District Championship games:

TIER 1

  • District 1: Connecticut (8-4, #27) vs. West Virginia (8-4, #21)
  • District 2: Duke (9-3, #14) vs. Clemson (9-3, #13)
  • District 3: Michigan (9-3, #10) vs. Memphis (8-4, #26)
  • District 4: South Florida (10-2, #3) vs. Ole Miss (9-3, #7)
  • District 5: Notre Dame (9-3, #5) vs. Iowa (11-1, #2)
  • District 6: Oklahoma (11-1, #1) vs. Houston (8-4, #23)
  • District 7: Utah (9-3, #12) vs. Air Force (8-4, #29)
  • District 8: Washington (9-3, #9) vs. USC (9-3, #6)

TIER 2

  • District 1: Harvard (9-3, #9) vs. Villanova (9-3, #14)
  • District 2: James Madison (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T (9-3, #12)
  • District 3: South Carolina State (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern (11-1, #3)
  • District 4: Western Kentucky (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss (11-1, #2)
  • District 5: Toledo (10-2, #5) vs. Akron (8-4, #28)
  • District 6: South Dakota State (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois (9-3, #15)
  • District 7: Tulane (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State (11-1, #4)
  • District 8: Wyoming (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State (10-2, #6)

Is many intriguing matchups, from every region of country. Is best system for all fans of American college football.

Playoff structure is simple. ROUND ONE of playoffs is District Championship game. Ranking in Top Power 25 is not a factor in determination of playoff invitation. To qualify, team must finish at top of division standings. If nyet, then Commie Football is saying to this team – “what is you have done lately for me?”

When I am thinking of Commie Football playoffs, nothing else is seeming to matter… but now I am instructing Intern Kyle to locate more music videos of Dzhenet Jackson on Internet.