— Commie Football (@CommieFootball) December 18, 2015
In middle of interesting Twitter conversation you see above, regarding which team is wearing which variety of undergarment, Commie Football is receiving above Tweet from fan/informant in District 8, with suspicion that Intern Kyle is not who he is saying.
Georgy is also having this suspicion. Why is this? Like gradual accumulation of snow on roof of building, accumulation of minor observations is one day making roof collapse!
- In early days of internship, Kyle is given task to fix satellite feed, which is broken by Bobby to only show idiot American television program “Friends” on endless loop. He is doing this very quickly. Perhaps… too quickly?
- One day, Kyle is taking long time to return from hunting turkey. He is saying this is due to becoming disoriented in forest. Is impossible, I am giving good compass.
- When Yale football team is having terrible season, Kyle is not always showing appropriate level of anger, instead sometimes shrugging shoulders and no longer paying entire attention. Is this how loyal “redshirt” member of Yale football team, as he is telling to me, is behaving?
- Another day, while gathering wood for primary furnace, our group (Georgy, Kyle, Bobby) is coming under attack from wild yenot, who are most hungry this time of year. Kyle is seeming to aim bayonet at Bobby, who is then tripping on rock. Kyle bayonet is then missing Bobby and slaughtering yenot.
- Later in battle, while I am defensing helpless Bobby on ground, Kyle is then slaughtering final yenot with very accurate throw of bayonet, mere centimeters from my ear. Perhaps this bayonet throw is… too accurate?
I am developing plan as test of Kyle loyalty. I am preparing hyperbaric sleep chamber for annual hibernation period, after regular season is finish but before Commie Football playoffs in January. In normal situation, I am entering sleep chamber in late December and waking in time for Orthodox Christmas.
But is problem with normal computer system attached to sleep chamber. After recent software update, interface is looking very different and Bobby is clicking wrong button to run diagnostic test, rendering computer unresponsive to manual input. I am asking Intern Kyle to fix.
Kyle is finding source of software issue (which is real), but is also discovering possible short circuit in wires inside chamber wall (which is fake). When Kyle is entering chamber to fix, I am placing boot on his zadnitsa and giving strong push! Then I am slamming shut chamber door and activating system, using controls connected to temporary, secondary computer housed in unused storage chamber (see photo above). Computer is very old, but is reliable so long as room temperature is remain below freezing.
Kyle is now enjoying long hyperbaric sleep. Atmosphere of chamber is very much oxygen, with also unique mixture of chemical gas… of my own invention.
After waking, while still feeling effect of sleep, I will ask series of questions to reveal true nature of purpose for Kyle here.