2015 Season Schedule is Complete, Despite Extra Labor

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Full schedule for upcoming 2015 season is here, no thanks to Intern Bobby, who is yet healing with injuries from attack by Soviet gunship helicopter.

Full schedule for upcoming 2015 season is here, no thanks to Intern Bobby, who is yet healing with injuries from attack by Soviet gunship helicopter.

Is glorious day. All American college football fans is losing breath from waiting with excitement! Is even more glorious than arrival of fresh shipment of dehydrated goat’s milk, which is remaining stable for many years on shelf of underground bomb shelter.

Is official release of schedule for upcoming 2015 Commie Football season (click link to see). Week One games is beginning on weekend of September 12. Every team is playing games for 12 weeks consecutive, with final game on last weekend of November.

As always, Commie Football schedule is optimized for ensuring good competition to all teams, and most enjoyment for every American college football fan. Favorite team is never playing weak, cupcake opponent, due to logical organization of Tiers and innovative schedule matrix. Schedule is also stuffed, like savory pelmeni, with many interesting games between natural, regional rivals, as well as many games pitting strongest teams in country, who is never meeting in nonsense, archaic “conference” system of past!

Here is few interesting facts about 2015 Commie Football schedule:

1. 2015 season is beginning with many large bangs! You are liking games between “big-time” college programs? Behold opening weekend schedule, and then struggle to prevent drool from causing short-circuit of computer keyboard:

  • Florida State vs. USC
  • Ole Miss vs. Oregon
  • Penn State vs. TCU
  • Georgia vs. Michigan State
  • Notre Dame vs. Arizona State
  • Mississippi State vs. Stanford
  • West Virginia vs. Baylor
  • Clemson vs. Louisville
  • Miami (FL) vs. UCLA
  • Iowa vs. Boise State
schedule-breakdown-graphic

Every team is playing 12 games: all 5 other teams in same DIVISION; 3 or 4 teams from other division in same DISTRICT; and 3 or 4 teams from different DISTRICT.

Is only small taste, comrade. Superior schedule formula is ensuring many top-quality games every week of season!

2. Because of unique method of ranking every team within each district (based on previous season record), all non-district games is against team with same rank, so schedule is being more fair for all teams.

3. Even with advanced schedule formula, sometimes is important rivalry game that is falling through crack. Schedule is leaving one space (Week 11) as “open” for any missing rivalry game, so every team who is having big rival in different division/district is able to schedule important game, for maximum enjoyment of fans. As example, here is some games that happen in Week 11 this season:

  • Georgia (District 2) vs. Florida (District 4)
  • Oklahoma vs. Texas (both District 6, but different divisions)
  • Florida State vs. Alabama (both in District 4, but different divisions)
  • Notre Dame (District 5) vs. USC (District 8)
  • Army vs. Navy (both in District 1, but different divisions)
  • Oregon vs. Stanford (both in District 8, but different divisions)
  • UCLA vs. Cal (both in District 8, but different divisions)
  • West Virginia (District 1) vs. Marshall (District 3)
  • Virginia (District 1) vs. Virginia Tech (District 2)
  • Indiana (District 3) vs. Purdue (District 5)
  • TCU (District 6) vs. Texas Tech (District 7)

Because of superior Commie Football schedule, is no more crying of fans for missing favorite rivalry games!

4. Every college football team is spending less money for travel. Cost of travel is very large struggle for many football programs. Especially in face of looming petrol shortage (is necessary for Premier Putin to demonstrate power to weak, ungrateful leaders of western Europe). In Commie Football system, every team is grouped according to geography in District, so cost of travel to most games is not so high as in old system. Student athletes is very comfortable riding in mule-drawn wagon for short trips.

IS MUCH WORK FOR ONLY ONE MAN

Here is photo of Intern Bobby, resting comfortable and unable to speak while recover from serious injuries.

Here is photo of Intern Bobby, resting comfortable and unable to speak while recover from serious injuries.

Even with 192 teams total in Tier 1 and Tier 2, production of season schedule is simple task for Soviet supercomputer. Most years, all that is requiring is sufficient fuel and firewood for steam-power server to continue complex algorithm calculation. But this year, task is much more difficult, due to constant attention required by needy Intern Bobby.

You are remembering from last month, Bobby is suffering many serious injuries to body during mistaken attack from Soviet gunship helicopter. Bad news is Bobby is yet wrapped in bandages, from head to puny, American toes. Good news is proximity to advanced medical care facility here in emergency secondary headquarters, including use of hyperbaric sleep chamber (da, da – is technically yet “experimental”).

Also good news is this – Bobby is unable to speak, so is much less constant noise. However, Bobby is now sometimes attempting communication through jerking movement of head, perhaps to give Morse Code message. Unfortunately, chopping and dragging of firewood, hunting of food, and constant replenishment of IV fluids is leaving little time to translate head movements into words.

Also, is little bit zhutko - or as you say this in English – “creepy”.

2014 Season is Around Next Corner

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Is Seminoles of FSU vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys clash happening already in past, or in near future? Commie Football is bending rules of both time and space.

Is Seminoles of FSU vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys clash happening already in past, or in near future? Commie Football is bending rules of both time and space.

Many readers is writing e-mails and sending message by pigeon, asking where is Week One scores for 2014 Commie Football season. Many is fan of defending champion Florida State Seminoles or Tigers of LSU, and is excited to see same score on Commie Football scoreboard as is appearing on ESPN website.

Here is thing – Commie Football is very maximum difficult 12-game schedule because is not having, as in old NCAA system, what Americans is calling “bye week”. In truth, bye week is false name for “vacation week” or “sit-around-on-fat-popka” week! Is peculiar American cultural trait – taking lazy road, as in American concept of “half-hour lunch break” or “8-hour workday” or “long weekend off for national holiday, with full payment” or “extended sick leave, due to workplace injury”.

After Communist takeover, then America is learning meaning of what is true, never-ending, hard work! As best example, American college football players is playing grueling 12 games in row, 12 consecutive week schedule, and then only if good enough, is playing even more playoff games! No bye week during regular season!

Last 2013 season, Commie Football Week One is same as NCAA schedule. Problem is then, Commie Football regular season is ending much earlier than NCAA schedule, which is fat like pregnant pig with lazy, American-style bye weeks. This year is slight adjustment, so Commie Football is starting next week. But is having a “murderer’s row” (leave it to American to make murder sound like good thing!) of hi-quality matchups between marquee football programs on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels.

Fans of FSU Seminoles and Tigers of LSU is thinking probably, “Well, how-dee! This just means our FSU boys will plum lay another WHUPPIN’ on them Cowboys from Okla-HO-MY-A!” In Commie Football, this is depending. Soviet supercomputer is creating new algorithm for calculating results of first and second games into one Commie Football game. So then, perhaps in Commie Football parallel world, it is Oklahoma State and Wisconsin Badgers who are emerging as true victors?

WHAT IS COMMIE FOOTBALL? HERE IS REVIEW.

Some readers is asking for refreshing course on how Commie Football is functioning. You are remembering how old American system of college football is working poorly, and why it is having many stupid problem, da?

New Commie Football system is fixing all old problems with NCAA/BCS/CFP/CIA through simple system of logic:

  1. Organize all teams based on geographic region of school;
  2. Most fair-to-all, best-quality schedule for every team;
  3. Best system for determining champion (here is hint – is PLAYOFF!).

Oh, and on the top of all three things – PROMOTION and RELEGATION of best and worst teams between different Tiers, to be ensuring good competition every season. This is followed by small yearly REALIGNMENT to ensure best geographic distribution.

Is perhaps second-greatest invention for American college football of all time.

This is because #1 greatest invention of all time is INVENTION OF AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL!

SMART IDEA, LIKE SOFT MASLO, IS ALWAYS FOR SPREADING

Commie Football is system now entering third season on Internet. Is idea that is ahead of time, yes. But rest of world is slowly discovering what is special about idea. As evidence, here is article on Land-Grant Holy Land website that is proposing similar system of organization, plus promotion and relegation of college football teams. However, article is misleading capitalist propaganda, because is not discussing origin of such system, from original teachings of Marx and Engels.

American College Football Fans Can Now Make Marks on Kalendar

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2014-schedule-is-arrivingFollowing realignment announcements of spring, today is big day during off-season summer, for when all of American college football fan is waiting!

Nyet, is not arrival of shipment of fresh cherry plums from Crimea – is release of schedule for 2014 Commie Football season. Week One games is beginning first weekend in September, then is running for 12 weeks in row to end weekend before Thanksgiving.

Maybe you are fan of Tier 2 instead of Tier 1? You are then having to wait for little while longer for schedule release, like you are waiting for other things in very long line at local market – cherry plums, baking flour, medicine for children, etc. (UPDATE: Tier 2 Schedule is now also posted on same page.)

The Commie Football schedule is optimized for ensuring good competition to all teams, and most enjoyment for all American college football fans. For this coming fall football season, fans are finding zero ridiculous cupcake games, many interesting games between regional rivals, and many games featuring very best teams in country, instead of top teams never meeting due to archaic “conference” system of BCS past.

Here is few interesting facts about 2014 Commie Football schedule, for all fans to enjoy:

1. 2014 season is beginning with many large bangs! You are liking matchups between big college programs? Look at opening weekend schedule with very wide eyes:

  • Florida State vs. Oklahoma State
  • Alabama vs. Oklahoma
  • Louisville vs. Oregon
  • Ohio State vs. USC
  • Michigan vs. Stanford
  • Penn State vs. Clemson
  • Missouri vs. Baylor
  • Michigan State vs. UCLA
  • Auburn vs. Boise State
  • Wisconsin vs. LSU

And this is only opening weekend games, comrade! Because of superior scheduling formula, every week of season is seeing many games with matchups of “big time”.

schedule-breakdown-graphic

Every team is playing 12 games: all 5 other teams in same DIVISION; 3 or 4 teams from other division in same DISTRICT; and 3 or 4 teams from different DISTRICT.

2. Because of unique method of assigning district rank to every team (based on previous season record), all non-district game is against team with same rank, so schedule is being more fair for all teams.

3. Even with advanced schedule formula, sometimes is important rivalry game that is falling through crack. Schedule is leaving one space (Week 11) as “open” for any missing rivalry game, so every team who is having big rival in different division/district is able to schedule important game for enjoyment of fans. As example, here is some games that happen in Week 11 this season:

  • Alabama vs. Auburn (both in District 4, but different Divisions)
  • Texas (District 6) vs. Oklahoma (District 7)
  • Georgia (Distict 2) vs. Florida (District 4)
  • Oregon vs. Stanford (both in District 8, but different Divisions)
  • Virginia (District 1) vs. Virginia Tech (District 2)
  • West Virginia (District 1) vs. Marshall (District 3)
  • Ohio State (District 2) vs. Penn State (District 1)
  • Tennessee (District 2) vs. Vanderbilt (District 4)

Because of superior Commie Football schedule, all college football fans can now stop crying about not seeing favorite rival teams!

4. Every college football team is spending less money for travel. Cost of travel is very large struggle for many football programs. Especially with rise in price of petrol following recent troubles in Crimea and Ukraine. In Commie Football system, every team is being geographically grouped in District, so this cost is not so high as in old BCS system. Student athletes is very comfortable riding in wagon for short trips.

You are staying tuned for release of Tier 2 schedule for 2014 season! (UPDATE: Tier 2 Schedule is now also posted on same page.)