With hard shell for head, Brutus Buckeye is not requiring to wear football helmet.
TIER 1 CHAMPION IN ALL WORLDS: OHIO STATE BUCKEYES
Pozdravlyayu to the Buckeyes of Ohio State, champion of the 2014 college football season – in all worlds, including Commie Football! Ohio State is dominating Oregon Ducks 42-20 in Commie Orange Bowl championship game, to end season bathing n eternal glory.
Perhaps this is not surprise. Da, this is second season consecutive in which Commie Football supercomputer algorithm is awarding championship to same team as nonsense system supported by corrupt NCAA. Many fans is asking – what is it meaning when superior Soviet system is producing same result as evil, capitalist system? Some are even saying in whiny voice, “But I liked it better when Commie Football crowned like, a totally random team, like when Utah State won the championship in 2012.”
Is typical American response. Is nobody happy when “surprise” team wins? And is nobody happy when “expected” team wins also?!
Look at weakness of current College Football Playoff system. Committee of idiot judges (except Condoleezza, of course) is picking four teams to appear in playoff. Ohio State is almost not included, due to player injuries, personal bias, and socio-political interest of committee members. Fans of TCU and Baylor is crying tears in Shiner Bock beer, when neither Horned Frogs nor Bears is receiving invitation to miniscule, 4-team CFP playoff.
Here is truth – this will be same argument next season, and season after that, and so on – UNTIL 16 teams at MINIMUM is making playoffs! This season, CFP system is having simple beginner’s luck, including OSU in playoff as low #4 seed as afterthought. But Commie Football supercomputer algorithm is confirming that da, for fact it is the Buckeyes who are best team in college football this season! Only losses is in Week One to USC and Week 11 to Penn State, after OSU is already clinching playoff spot. After defeating top-rank Notre Dame in District 3 Championship game, Buckeyes is beating Tennessee and TCU on way to championship victory over Oregon.
Oregon Ducks (13-3, #2) is runner-up, losing championship and #1 Top Power rank, perhaps due to weakling #35-rank defense. Is second season consecutive that Ducks is losing in championship game. Here is advice – next season, spend more time designing strategy for winning football game, instead of designing fancy uniforms in every color of rainbow, looking like pizhama for children!
In world of Commie Football, TCU (12-3, #3) and Ole Miss (12-3, #4) is finishing with better rank than Florida State (10-3, #6) (who is losing to Ole Miss in District 4 Championship) and Alabama (4-8) (who is not even making to playoff)! Many more surprising results come from final 2014 Standings.
And of course, fans of Baylor Bears (9-3, #12) is continuing to make big bear-size tears, because even in Commie Football, Baylor is good team, but TCU is better. Perhaps is curse of ugly, nonsense, alternate blackout uniform? Spend more time designing strategy for winning football game instead of ugly uniform in non-traditional color for school!
Ram Boy, crying miracle black tears, is becoming holy icon of Tier 2 champion Colorado State Rams team.
TIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP: CSU RAMS CLIMB MOUNTAIN, NEXT CLIMB TO TIER 1?
Ohio State is not only championship team in America today! Colorado State Rams (15-1, #1 rank) – looking like champions in glorious orange-and-green uniforms – is proving it is best team on Tier 2 level by defeating Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky 41-38, a team with frightening, top-rank offense. But in end, it is weak #63-rank defense by WKU that is allowing Colorado State to emerge victorious by only three points.
But CSU is now suffering regret, missing undefeated season due to Week Eight loss to Eastern Illinois Panthers. Due to superior scheduling system, is almost impossible for any team to remain unbeaten for whole Commie Football season!
Fans in Kentucky SSR is forgetting sorrows in bottom of illegal homemade whiskey jar, but all is not lost for WKU. After glorious District 5 title and playoff run, fans of Hilltoppers is now hoping that Big Red blob mascot will move up to Tier 1 next season… to perhaps meet Brutus Buckeye on field of battle in District 3?
Georgy’s all like (in his accent), “Season is over. You are now going home to America.” But then I’m like, “Uh… this is a FULLLLL YEEEEAR internship, remember? Two semesters. You got me until May, old man.” Finally, he’s like, “Is fine. Is many repairs to be making to concrete roof and rusting pipes of emergency secondary bunker. First, you are fixing problems made when you are overflowing hot tub water into computer server chamber.” Geh…. It was AN ACCIDENT! Like I’m the only one who’s ever drank too much kvass
and tried to make an indoor skating rink, AMIRITE?
IS NEXT: PROMOTION & RELEGATION
Excitement of Commie Football is not ending with championship games!
Is no summer vacation! During offseason, Soviet supercomputer is making calculations to determine promotion and relegation of teams between Tiers.
Last season, is much controversy when both Tier 2 champion (North Texas) and runner-up (Buffalo) is not receiving invitation for promotion to Tier 1 level. But look at this – neither UNT nor UB is making Tier 2 playoffs this season! Is more proof that Soviet supercomputer is having more intelligence than simple brain of common American! Intern Bobby is proving this fact to me, every day.
You are returning to website in few weeks’ time for news of promotion and relegation.