Tier 2 Playoffs: Spear is Puncturing Rocket, Causing Malfunction

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Here is photo of Soviet missile defense system Southern Miss Eagles is using against attack of Toledo Rockets.

University of Southern Miss is spending many rubles on construction of missile defense system, in expectation of attack from Toledo Rockets. But is ineffective in fighting Spartan. Now, is useless, and yet student is having to pay special tax!

Like brutal Battle of Stalingrad, each new Commie Football season is war of attrition. Superior schedule matrix is meaning no team is ever playing weak, cupcake opponent from lower-tier school! And when is team enjoying relaxing, lazy American tradition of “bye week” during season? NEVER!  Each game is yet one battle in vicious, season-long war! Is impossible to win all! Only very strongest teams from each District is winning enough to advance to playoffs, and there must fight to death, four more strong opponents on path to eternal championship glory!

Following relegation after bad 2012 season on Tier 1 level, Southern Miss Eagles is landing in same division as Tulane Green Wave. Tulane is easy crushing Eagles in both 2013 and 2014 regular seasons. But now, is 2015. Tulane is moving to new District during off-season realignment, allowing Golden Eagles to gain strength enough to finally defeat rival Green Wave in Week 11 victory.

This week, is rematch of brutal enemies. Could Southern Miss again defeat Green Wave of Tulane? You are knowing this, now.

Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 44, Tulane 26
Notes: Like powerful-yet-lightweight paper towel (invention of Soviet science during Great Patriotic War) Southern Miss (14-1, #1) is fully absorbing Green Wave of Tulane, like scum from surface of stagnant ozero, and then wringing out, into backyard stochnaya truba, to eliminate from 2015 Tier 2 championship chase! Tulane (10-5, #8) is having good season, even better than 2014, but is perhaps already expending too much of own wave energy during upset defeat of Georgia Southern last week. Next question is this – can Southern Miss Eagles fulfill destiny and win Tier 2 championship game next week?

Game: Tier 2 Semifinal
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 34, Toledo 33
Notes: Like true warriors of ancient Sparta, where every citizen is member of military, Spartans of San Jose State (13-2, #2) is making successful invasion of enemy Ohio SSR territory, winning difficult victory by single point of spear, to advance to championship game and eternal glory, maybe! SJSU is having almost as powerful offense (#4 rank) as Southern Miss (#1), but Spartans defense (#40) is superior to USM (#54). Can San Jose State rise up to fight greatest battle of season versus powerful Southern Miss, or will Spartans experience another Battle of Leuctra?

Uggghh… forgot about all the stupid “incident reports” I have to fill out! Type, type, type! I asked Georgy if I could go BACK into the interrogation chamber and just like, hang out there instead of having to do this paperwork, but he said he changed the passcode.
Dude. Whatever was in that hyperbaric sleep chamber gas? I keep thinking I’m seeing Condoleezza Rice walking around this place, and it’s wigging me out.

WHO IS WINNING FINAL BATTLE OF 2015 SEASON? WILL EAGLE FLY HIGH IN SKY, OR WILL SPARTAN IMPALE WITH SPEAR?

On one hand, eagle is having very sharp talons, for ripping and shredding meat of prey. Attack is coming swift from above, tearing into critical areas, such as eyes, and brain. Once prey is on ground, eagle is then striking with sharp beak into chest, ripping out heart and eating in view of victim, who is yet breathing and conscious for many seconds.

On other hand, Spartan warrior is mindless machine of killing, training from very young age how to throw spear with great accuracy, and use sword to impale enemy, without mercy or hesitation. If bleeding victim is then begging for mercy, Spartan is immediately thrusting sword again through heart and/or brain, to ensure quick death. Then Spartan is searching for next enemy victim.

Playoffs Round 3: Trojan & Tiger To Fight in Colosseum

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Here is photo showing beautiful "Babushka Girls" who is leading USC Trojan fans in chants of school loyalty, during football game.

Here is photo showing beautiful “Babushka Girls” who is leading USC Trojan fans in chants of school loyalty, during football game.

WHO WILL BE TRUE CHAMPION? USC TROJANS OR CLEMSON TIGERS?

World of Commie Football is intriguing, parallel universe, bringing order to old chaotic system of determining American college football champion. Simple-minded critic is saying that Commie Football supercomputer is calculating impossible result, as when Utah State Aggies is winning 2012 championship. But in both 2013 and 2014 seasons, Commie Football supercomputer is crowning same champion (Florida State, Ohio State) as ludicrous CFP system. Then, is more complaints, asking always in whining American voice – what is this to prove, when superior Soviet system is producing same result as idiot, capitalist BCS or CFP or NCAA or CIA system?

Is simple. Even young Kazakh child is understanding. Corrupt capitalist system, such as nonsense NCAA, is sometimes having good luck! Or, sometimes is same, obvious true best team in all universes of college football.

But 2015 is different, little bit. First, is both underdog teams winning in Round 3 playoff semifinal, eliminating Oklahoma Sooners (#1 Top Power rank) and Notre Dame (#2). One winning team – Clemson Tigers (12-3, #3) – da, is also contender for championship in corrupt CFP system. But other team – USC Trojans (12-3, #2) – is perhaps surprise contender to college football fan.

Is interesting, but where is so-called “CFP champion” Crimson Tide of Alabama? In world of Commie Football, Bama (9-3, #10) is not even receiving invitation to playoff, due to Week Two loss to eventual District 4 West champion Ole Miss Rebels (10-4, #6).

Do you hear this? In world of Commie Football, Crimson Tide Nation is, at end of regular season, crying like baby without raw goat milk! You are now liking this Soviet system already more, da?

Behold! Here is Round 3 playoff results:

Game: Aloha Bowl
Location: Honolulu, HI
Final Score: Clemson 37, Oklahoma 17
Notes: Score is perhaps not surprise to follower of inferior CFP college football system,  but in world of Commie Football, is great upset loss for top-rank Oklahoma (13-2, #1 rank yet, despite loss). Not only is Sooners losing opportunity for eternal championship glory, but is also falling in offense rank to #2 position, behind hated archrival Cowboys of Oklahoma State (10-2, #7). Is bringing back bad memory of time when all Oklahoma SSR was holding breath!

Sooners is now losing in second Aloha Bowl, consecutive. Perhaps is spending too much time sleeping on beach like lazy morskoy lev, rather than practice football. Since losing two early games in season to Appalachian State (Week 3) and Stanford (Week 4), Clemson is 10-1, losing only to Georgia (Week 9). Will Tigers prevail in hunt for championship?

Game: Peach Bowl
Location: Atlanta, GA
Final Score: USC 34, Notre Dame 33
Notes: In rematch of Week Eleven game between fierce rivals, Trojans of USC (12-3, #2) is making revenge on Fighting Irish (11-4, #4), finding path to victory this time by one point only, to advance to championship game. USC #6-rank offense is sneaking by Irish defense, but can same offense perform better vs. stronger Clemson #22-rank defense in championship?

Trojan vs. Tiger… is reminding of gladiator battle in ancient Colosseum of Italiya SSR….

For Notre Dame, is second season to lose in playoffs, but finish in top 5 Top Power rank. Perhaps luck of Irish is only taking so far. This is why luck of Russian is superior in end.

Finally out of the interrogation chamber. Uh… yay? Georgy’s all like, lecturing me and stuff about “passcode security” or whatever. As far as I’m concerned? I saved the day when I tucked that piece of paper with the passcodes on it into my journal, which I had HIDDEN in my bedroom chamber. Kinda sucks that I forgot I had used the same one for the Netflix account – I just grabbed whatever I could find. Hey – speaking of bed – I get to actually sleep on a MATTRESS for the first time in a while tonight. See ya cold, concrete floor!
I don’t know where Georgy got that photo of the USC Song Girls, but that is NOT how I remember them looking. Am I still sleeping?

INTERROGATION ROOM CONCLUSION 

Finally, I am finding paper with passcode information to unlock interrogation chamber, to set free Intern Kyle and Bobby after many days. Is very frustrating. I am searching with much effort, many rooms of Emergency Secondary Headquarters, but finding nothing.

One day, I am taking break from search, allowing brain to remember frustrating, unresolved plot question within old episode of American “Friends” television program, and am deciding to access this episode using Netflix via satellite feed, for research purpose. I am asking Bobby through bars of interrogation chamber for Netflix account passcode. He is saying it is written on piece of paper in scrapbook he is keeping in bedroom chamber.

I am already knowing of this scrapbook, but have not been reading recent entries. There, I am finding piece of paper with writing of BOTH NETFLIX AND INTERROGATION CHAMBER PASSCODES! Then, I am discovering that Bobby is using SAME PASSCODE for Netflix as code for unlocking interrogation chamber door! For the love of Condoleezza! Is insecure to use identical passcode for multiple purpose!  Here is more reason why Bobby is idiot!

Tier 2 Playoffs: Eagle Is Not Swimming Bird

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Green Wave Hits Statesboro!

Here is recent photo showing town of Statesboro, home to University of Georgia Southern, in American Georgia SSR. Damage to town is because of giant GREEN WAVE OF TULANE!

In former United States, eagle is most important animal. Da, is very large bird. Da, is beautiful to sight. But many Americans think this is superior, most powerful creature. But American eagle is having one critical weakness – this bird is unable to swim in water!

Georgia Southern (12-2, #2 Top Power rank) is learning this difficult lesson, in Tier 2/Round 2 playoff game, drowning in 34-27 defeat to avantyura Green Wave of Tulane!

In next Round 3, is yet another Eagle come to fight dangerous water of Tulane Green Wave! But this time, opponent is #1 Top Power rank Southern Miss Eagles!

But that is next week. Behold! ROUND 2 results of 2015 Tier 2 playoffs:

r2-t2-1v8Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi SSR
Final Score: Southern Miss 63, South Dakota State 33
Notes: Little South Dakota State (9-5, #16) is display much vigor, but is no match for #1-rank offense of Eagles. Southern Miss is swooping down from sky, like MiG fighter jet, grabbing Jackrabbits of South Dakota State with strong claws, like iron, then lifting high into sky, then dropping from great height to cold, hard earth. Then USM is again swooping and lifting, to again drop to ground from high in sky, until Jackrabbits is dead. Then USM is feasting. Then perhaps removing pelt for warmth in cold, Siberian winter. Eagles is next facing Green Wave of Tulane (of District 7) in rematch of Week Eleven. Will Southern Miss again prevail? Or this time, will Green Wave drown Eagle?

r2-t2-2v7

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Statesboro, American Georgia SSR
Final Score: Tulane 34, Georgia Southern 27
Notes: For second season consecutive, Georgia Southern Eagles (12-2, #2) is entering Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs ranked #2 Top Power, playing on home field against opponent with weaker offense and defense rank! But for second season, is visitor team claiming upset victory! Da, 9-4 season record is not impressive, but Tulane is also District champion for two seasons consecutive! Playing in playoff game is familiar experience, like eating small bowl of mama homemade pokhlebka. But will Green Wave be enough water to drown Eagles of Southern Miss (of District 4) dead like Eagles of Georgia Southern (who is yet #2 Top Power rank, despite loss)?

r2-t2-3v6

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: Toledo, Ohio SSR
Final Score: Toledo 40, Villanova 18
Notes: Villanova (10-4, #9) is having #4-rank defense, but is not enough to prevent #19 offense of Toledo to always hit target in end zone with barrage of rockets. Can Rockets again fly high like Yuri Gagarin, and make true promise of glory from early in season? Is only one way to find out – Soviet supercomputer is deciding. Rockets is next facing Spartans of San Jose State (of District 8) in semifinal Round 3.

r2-t2-4v5

Game: Tier 2 Quarterfinal
Location: San Jose, California SSR
Final Score: San Jose State 48, James Madison 33
Notes: Both teams is possessing top-ten offenses, and both is spending many weeks of regular season in top ten of Top Power rankings.  But is only ticket for one team to Round 3 of Tier 2 playoffs. Perhaps due to advantage of home stadion, San Jose State is putting up many points on weak JMU defense (#57 rank). Spartans is next playing similar blue-and-yellow team, with weaker offense, but stronger defense. Can Spartan, fighting with only sword and shield, protect self from Toledo Rockets (of District 5) attack? Round 3 of playoffs is deciding.

ROUND 3 OF PLAYOFFS IS FINAL 4!

Here is schedule for Round 3 semifinals of Tier 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Southern Miss (13-1, #1) vs.
    (7) Tulane (10-4, #8)
  • (3) Toledo (12-2, #3) vs.
    (4) San Jose State (12-2, #4)

Is good semifinal schedule. Is shame #2 seed Georgia Southern Eagles is drowning in loss. But do not feel sad. Many Tier 2 teams is possible for promotion to Tier 1 next season, even if losing in playoffs. Is also possible for champion team, like 2013 North Texas Mean Green, to not qualify for promotion, if fans is not mandatory attending football game in sufficient numbers.

Playoffs Round 2: Is One Tiger Dead. Is One Yet Hunting.

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Here is photo of Premier Putin, after shooting tiger on "OU Tiger Hunt" event on campus in Oklahoma SSR. Joining Putin in hunt is Boomer, mascot of Oklahoma Sooners.

Here is image from film, showing dead tiger, is fighting this week with Boomer (mascot of Oklahoma Sooners) at “OU Tiger Hunt!” event on university campus in Oklahoma SSR. Premier Putin is special guest, shooting and killing angry tiger. Is saving Boomer from certain death.

IN COMMIE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS, DEATH IS CLOSE, ALWAYS 

In Siberia, deadliest animal is not human. Is Siberian tiger.

Every Siberian peasant child is knowing that tiger is hunting never alone, always with partner. If you are seeing tiger in forest, then second tiger is also close. This is last thought in brain, before tiger is attacking, biting, and eating you like American “cheep” of potato!

But like Premier Putin, in response to Siberian-public-safety crisis, Oklahoma Sooners (12-1, #1) is on mission to eliminate Tigers… from Commie Football playoffs! Is first? Tigers of Memphis (you read more below).

Is next? Tigers of Clemson (10-3, #8), who this week is killing and disemboweling Colonel Reb and his Rebels of Ole Miss in upset victory (you read more below, also).

IS NO BAMA? IS NOT PROBLEM.

In Commie Football system, Soviet supercomputer is determine true champion, with perfect, equal organization, and fair regular season schedule for all teams. 16 regional champions is then entering playoff to determine true national champion.

In recent season, such as 2013 (and 2014), Commie Football is declaring same champion as in corrupt, inferior BCS/CFP system. But this season – Crimson Tide of Alabama (9-3, #10 Top Power rank) is not even making to Commie Football playoff, losing District 4 West title to Ole Miss!

Who then, is to becoming TRUE CHAMPION of AMERICAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL FOR 2015 SEASON? Here is results for Round 2 of playoffs to determine. Only four teams is now remain!

r2-t1-cotton

Game: Cotton Bowl
Location: Arlington, Texas SSR
Final Score: Oklahoma 38, Memphis 24
Notes: Memphis (9-5, #15) is now dead tiger, and miracle season is sudden finish, like life of wild Siberian tiger, from bullet in gun of Premier Putin. Sooners is #1 Top Power rank due to most victories. Why is most victories? Is perhaps due to #1 rank offense in all Tier 1. What then, is weakness of Sooners? Is mediocre defense ranking (#45). Next tiger attack will surely attempt to exploit – beware of Clemson Tigers (of District 2)!

r2-t1-orange

Game: Orange Bowl
Location: Miami, Florida SSR
Final Score: Notre Dame 36, West Virginia 30
Notes: Fighting Irish is winning in uncomfortable-close game to Mountaineers (9-4, #14), who is looking humorous all week, wearing hat made of yenot skin, with fuzzy tail of animal hanging from side, on sunny Miami beach. Similar-rank offense and defense for both teams is making for interesting fight. But it is Irish who is go now to play rematch of Week 11 victory over rival USC Trojans (of District 8) for fight to death… or right to national championship invitation!

r2-t1-rose

Game: Rose Bowl
Location: Pasadena, California SSR
Final Score: USC 32, Utah 22
Notes: Da, is Trojans who is easy defeating Utes of Utah (10-3, #9), who is having not-good-enough defense for powerful #6-rank offense of USC, who is playing in District 8 home. Defeat is ending six-game streak of winning for Utah Utes, but schedule this season is much weaker in District 7. USC is now traveling to fight most difficult battle yet – rematch of Week 11 loss to rival Notre Dame (of District 5)!

r2-t1-sugar

Game: Sugar Bowl
Location: New Orleans, LA
Final Score: Clemson 34, Ole Miss 26
Notes: Is not first time Colonel Reb and Ole Miss is being disembowled by tiger! Perhaps Mississippi SSR is inviting Premier Putin to visit, to solve tiger problem?  How is Clemson winning this game so easy? Tigers is having lower rank offense (#37) and defense (#25) than Ole Miss! Perhaps it is Clemson who is playing more with heart of champion in critical game situation. Or perhaps Ole Miss is bringing ineffective weaponry, like old musket rifle and flag of Confederate rebel army, to tiger hunt. Is second visit consecutive to Sugar Bowl for Ole Miss, but game result this year is… tasting not sweet.

ROUND 3: SEMIFINALS (AKA “FINAL FOUR”)

Here is Round 3 playoff schedule:

  • (1) Oklahoma (13-1, #1) vs. (5) Clemson (11-3, #5) – Aloha Bowl
  • (2) Notre Dame (11-3, #2) vs. (3) USC (11-3, #3) – Peach Bowl

In next day or two, you are visiting website to learn result of teams playing in second round of Tier 2 playoffs.

SITUATION UPDATE: INTERROGATION CHAMBER 

Is yet delay with finding passcode for unlocking door of interrogation chamber, where Bobby and Intern Kyle is both locked for many days. Stench entering interrogation room is VERY most foul. I am only today finish with routine-but-critical maintenance on plumbing system attaching to supercomputer system for cooling. Corrosion is building on pipes, is possible to cause blockage, which is ruin supercomputer. Then is only backup cooling mechanism, to prevent TOTAL meltdown of supercomputer! This task is more critical to website function, but now, I am return attention to find passcode. Is on small piece of paper, somewhere in this room, or perhaps other.

If you are administrator from Yale University in Connecticut SSR – do not be having worry! Is nothing to concern. Intern Kyle is living in interrogation chamber, but is wide gap between metal bars, to allow food and fresh water for prisoner.