Hyperbaric Sleep is Best for Health, Loyalty

Share Button
Here is photo showing temporary computer system for maintenance of hyperbaric sleep chamber.

Here is photo showing temporary computer system for maintenance of hyperbaric sleep chamber.

In middle of interesting Twitter conversation you see above, regarding which team is wearing which variety of undergarment, Commie Football is receiving above Tweet from fan/informant in District 8, with suspicion that Intern Kyle is not who he is saying.

Georgy is also having this suspicion. Why is this? Like gradual accumulation of snow on roof of building, accumulation of minor observations is one day making roof collapse!

  • In early days of internship, Kyle is given task to fix satellite feed, which is broken by Bobby to only show idiot American television program “Friends” on endless loop. He is doing this very quickly. Perhaps… too quickly?
  • One day, Kyle is taking long time to return from hunting turkey. He is saying this is due to becoming disoriented in forest. Is impossible, I am giving good compass.
  • When Yale football team is having terrible season, Kyle is not always showing appropriate level of anger, instead sometimes shrugging shoulders and no longer paying entire attention. Is this how loyal “redshirt” member of Yale football team, as he is telling to me, is behaving?
  • Another day, while gathering wood for primary furnace, our group (Georgy, Kyle, Bobby) is coming under attack from wild yenot, who are most hungry this time of year. Kyle is seeming to aim bayonet at Bobby, who is then tripping on rock. Kyle bayonet is then missing Bobby and slaughtering yenot.
  • Later in battle, while I am defensing helpless Bobby on ground, Kyle is then slaughtering final yenot with very accurate throw of bayonet, mere centimeters from my ear. Perhaps this bayonet throw is… too accurate?
OMG. Like, double OMG, if I have to live through another round with the hyperbolic sleep chamber AGAIN. I did NOT enjoy being inside that thing last year. Although I do have to say – really, REALLY great sleep. Sooo good.

Crazy dreams. But then of course, it took me like, DAYS or WEEKS or whatever to feel like, totally awake again. No thanks man. Already done-been HAZED.

I am developing plan as test of Kyle loyalty. I am preparing hyperbaric sleep chamber for annual hibernation period, after regular season is finish but before Commie Football playoffs in January. In normal situation, I am entering sleep chamber in late December and waking in time for Orthodox Christmas.

But is problem with normal computer system attached to sleep chamber. After recent software update, interface is looking very different and Bobby is clicking wrong button to run diagnostic test, rendering computer unresponsive to manual input. I am asking Intern Kyle to fix.

Kyle is finding source of software issue (which is real), but is also discovering possible short circuit in wires inside chamber wall (which is fake). When Kyle is entering chamber to fix, I am placing boot on his zadnitsa and giving strong push! Then I am slamming shut chamber door and activating system, using controls connected to temporary, secondary computer housed in unused storage chamber (see photo above). Computer is very old, but is reliable so long as room temperature is remain below freezing.

Kyle is now enjoying long hyperbaric sleep. Atmosphere of chamber is very much oxygen, with also unique mixture of chemical gas… of my own invention.

After waking, while still feeling effect of sleep, I will ask series of questions to reveal true nature of purpose for Kyle here.

More History of Football in Soviet Russia

Share Button
People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television for many years.

People of Soviet Union is enjoying football game on television, when electricity is available.

Is difficult to understand why evidence from previous season is not enough for imbecile Americans! Is yet many with false belief that football is unique sport invented in former United States.

lenin-scoreboard-op

Here is photo of Vladimir Lenin shouting score of football game to excited Soviet fans, who is yet learning rules.

This is lie! Is propaganda creation of former American government, who is always preventing truth from reaching ears of its people, as when is saying American astronauts is walking on Moon! Or when there is “Miracle on Ice” in 1980 Olympic ice hockey match and United States is winning gold medal over superior CCCP team! Weak-minded Americans is always believing in miracle first, and in statement of fact last!

Truth about history of football is this – sport being called “American football” is actual invention of Soviet Union. Is having origin when peasant farm workers is throwing potatoes as practice for grenade assault on Tsarist armies during Revolution of 1905. Vladimir Lenin is later writing first official rulebook, which is then stolen by American spy Walter Camp, who is introducing sport to United States.

big-three-watching-football

Here is photograph of Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin enjoying good seats and laugh at Soviet football game. Superior understanding of football strategy is helping Stalin to lead victory against Nazi Germany in Great Patriotic War.

Here is additional photographs from early history of sport, showing as 100% proof to all world of true origins (see previous post for more photograph evidence).

Many football games is yet today being played on field beside tomb of Vladimir Lenin, who is enjoying game so much, country is building beautiful, popular football stadium beside his tomb. Artificial turf is recently being replaced by natural tundra surface.

This is Story About Control

Share Button
"Tovarisch Jackson, if you are nasty."

“Tovarisch Jackson, if you are nasty.”

GIVE ME (OPPONENT) TO BEAT!

This is what every college football team qualifying for 2015 Commie Football playoffs is now wanting. Even more, every college football fan is losing breath with anticipation for excitement to know who is champion team.

But as Dzhenet Jackson, famous poet from Indiana SSR, is saying, “let us wait awhile.” Why is wait? Is because in world of Commie Football, superior 16-team playoff to determine TRUE champion of all American college football is schedule in January, many weeks in future.

Is good reason, worthy of long wait! Soviet supercomputer is requiring proper data to determine final scores of Commie Football playoff games, including final scores of pointless conference championship games (early December) and meaningless bowl games named for corrupt American corporation (late December/early January). Only after this, is then time for Commie Football playoffs.

As reminder, here is review of qualifying playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. Remember, first round is District Championship games:

TIER 1

  • District 1: Connecticut (8-4, #27) vs. West Virginia (8-4, #21)
  • District 2: Duke (9-3, #14) vs. Clemson (9-3, #13)
  • District 3: Michigan (9-3, #10) vs. Memphis (8-4, #26)
  • District 4: South Florida (10-2, #3) vs. Ole Miss (9-3, #7)
  • District 5: Notre Dame (9-3, #5) vs. Iowa (11-1, #2)
  • District 6: Oklahoma (11-1, #1) vs. Houston (8-4, #23)
  • District 7: Utah (9-3, #12) vs. Air Force (8-4, #29)
  • District 8: Washington (9-3, #9) vs. USC (9-3, #6)

TIER 2

  • District 1: Harvard (9-3, #9) vs. Villanova (9-3, #14)
  • District 2: James Madison (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T (9-3, #12)
  • District 3: South Carolina State (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern (11-1, #3)
  • District 4: Western Kentucky (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss (11-1, #2)
  • District 5: Toledo (10-2, #5) vs. Akron (8-4, #28)
  • District 6: South Dakota State (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois (9-3, #15)
  • District 7: Tulane (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State (11-1, #4)
  • District 8: Wyoming (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State (10-2, #6)

Is many intriguing matchups, from every region of country. Is best system for all fans of American college football.

Playoff structure is simple. ROUND ONE of playoffs is District Championship game. Ranking in Top Power 25 is not a factor in determination of playoff invitation. To qualify, team must finish at top of division standings. If nyet, then Commie Football is saying to this team – “what is you have done lately for me?”

When I am thinking of Commie Football playoffs, nothing else is seeming to matter… but now I am instructing Intern Kyle to locate more music videos of Dzhenet Jackson on Internet.

Tier 2 Playoffs: You Are Feeling Intensity?

Share Button
In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

In act of intimidation prior to 64-23 victory vs. Chattanooga in final regular season game, WKU mascot Big Red is removing red fur costume to show Mocs and entire world how strong is football program.

DO NOT FORGET! IS TIER 2, ALSO.

Tier 1 playoff race is commanding attention of American media, but increasing number of fans is discovering pleasure of Tier 2 level, where weakest teams from old FBS level is competing for honor and glory alongside best teams from old FCS level.

Each season, Tier 2 is most impacted by promotion and relegation from both Tier 1 and Tier 3 levels. To win championship on Tier 2 level is perhaps little bit less glorious than Tier 1, but here is where satisfaction of victory is most pure, like mystical waters of Lake Baikal!

Last season, Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1) is utilizing powerful offense to fight entire way to Tier 2 championship game, where is sad when losing to superior Colorado State Rams, by mere three points. Then, WKU is suffering much disrespect when four other teams is receiving promotion to Tier 1 level, but not Hilltoppers! Instead, WKU is stuck on Tier 2 level, like porosenok in mud, moving to new district during annual realignment… and plotting revenge.

Now, instead of large, soft red blob, Big Red is looking strong like Vasily Alekseyev, with 2nd rank offense and 15th rank defense, rising to #1 Top Power rank on Tier 2 level! But here is interesting challenge – opponent in District 4 Championship game is same, only team who is defeating WKU in Week Six. Is Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2 rank), who is having 1st rank offense and also spectacular season. Who will emerge, like steam from Tolbachik volcano, as superior team and advance to Round 2 of Tier 2 playoffs?

CONTENDERS FOR TIER 2 CHAMPIONSHIP GLORY!

TIER 2 PLAYOFFS: Round 1

District 1:HARV vs. NOVA
District 2:JMU vs. NCAT
District 3:SCSU vs. GASO
District 4:WKU vs. USM
District 5:TLDO vs. AKRN
District 6:SDST vs. SIU
District 7:TULN vs. NEES
District 8:WYO vs. SJSU
  • District 1: Harvard Crimson (9-3, #9) vs. Villanova Wildcats (9-3, #14) – All season, Intern Bobby is mewling like feral cat about greatness of Harvard! Offense is mediocre 36th rank, but defense is indeed 3rd strongest on Tier 2 level, leading Crimson to three weeks consecutive at #1 Top Power rank. But strange, three-game losing streak is changing perspective, including Week 10 loss to Villanova, who is entering 2015 postseason with exact same record and rank as 2014! Wildcats is winning division due to Week Nine victory over Seawolves of Stony Brook (9-3, #18) and the SBU 1st rank defense.
  • District 2: James Madison Dukes (10-2, #7) vs. North Carolina A&T Aggies (9-3, #12) – JMU is spending almost entire season with top ten ranking and has 10th rank offense, but will weak, 52nd rank defense bring playoff doom? NCAT is opposite, with strong 9th rank defense and mediocre 47th rank offense, winning final three games of season to seize South division from favored William & Mary (8-4, #21) and surprise North Carolina Central (9-3, #17).
  • District 3: South Carolina State Bulldogs (8-4, #27) vs. Georgia Southern Eagles (11-1, #3) – SCSU is winning weak North division with strong 8th rank defense and dramatic 32-27 victory over Coastal Carolina (6-6) in final week of regular season. GSU is making second consecutive playoff appearance with same record and rank as 2014! Powerful offense (8th) and defense (5th) is keeping Eagles one-step before Florida Atlantic (9-3, #16) in division, who is responsible for lone GSU loss.
  • District 4: Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (11-1, #1) vs. Southern Miss Eagles (11-1, #2) – Many is considering this game to be true championship of entire Tier 2 level, pitting two most powerful offenses and top-ranked teams. Will WKU suffer breaking heart like last season? Can USM 38th rank defense contain strength of Big Red, as in 46-30 Week Six victory? Eagles is losing only in Week One of season and is scoring 70+ points two times in final three weeks!
  • District 5: Toledo Rockets (10-2, #5) vs. Akron Zips (8-4, #28) – Toledo is yet remembering humiliation of relegation after disaster 2013 season on Tier 1 level, using shame as fuel for success on Tier 2, rising to #1 Top Power rank after Week Eight, but failing to remain high in sky with humiliation 78-19 loss to rival Bowling Green (8-4, #19)! Is Rockets making recovery in time for playoff? After losing first two games of season, Akron is seizing weak South division with four-game win streak at end, including victory over Ball State (7-5).
  • District 6: South Dakota State Jackrabbits (8-4, #26) vs. Southern Illinois Salukis (9-3, #15) – Jackrabbits is hopping into playoffs when Northern Illinois (8-4, #20) is blowing opportunity in 33-29 loss to Northern Iowa in final week of regular season. 6th rank defense and Week Nine win over NIU is opening doorway. SIU is having 9th best offense on Tier 2 level, defeating all five division rivals, including Illinois State (9-3, #11) in Week Three.
  • District 7: Tulane Green Wave (8-4, #22) vs. McNeese State Cowboys (11-1, #4) – Tulane is playing one of most difficult schedules on Tier 2 level, including Week Five loss to McNeese, but victories over both Alcorn State (7-5) and Southern U (7-5) is locking down East division. McNeese is bouncing back from 3-9 record in 2014 to defeat every District 7 opponent and claim West division. Mere two-point loss to Montana State in Week Eight is preventing unbeaten record!
  • District 8: Wyoming Cowboys (9-3, #13) vs. San Jose State Spartans (10-2, #6) – Wyo is climbing as high as #4 Top Power rank with decent, 19th rank offense, but is losing two of final three games to finish season with many questions. SJSU is possessing explosive 4th rank offense, spending much of season in top 20 and fending off rival UNLV (8-4, #23) for South division title, despite loss to Runnin’ Rebels in Week Nine.

OKAY, YOU WILL NOW WAIT SIX WEEKS FOR START OF PLAYOFFS.

OMG, so Harvard like, totally kicked Yale’s butt – 30-something to like, 16 or 18 or something? – in the final game of the regular season AND made the Tier 2 playoffs! I’m totally rubbing it in Kyle’s face. But he just grunts like a caveman and skulks away. Whatever. My life couldn’t be better. Of course, it’d always be nice to be a little closer to home. And you know, I miss my American friends. And family. And Netflix. And being allowed to use the internet and talk on the phone unmonitored. Especially around the holidays, you know? My mom makes reeeeeally good pumpkin pie. But I keep telling myself – hey, this is the working world, this is my best job offer after getting kicked out of college, and I have to like, work my way up the ladder. Of course, I didn’t imagine it as like, a LITERAL metal ladder – every time Georgy orders me to do something around here! Up and down, up and down! Every tool he (or Kyle) ever needs to fix some piece of stupid equipment is located in like, an old, greasy box, under a tarp, on the top shelf, in the back closet, behind a bunch of rusty, leaking pipes, in the furthest storage chamber down on one of the subterranean levels! Why are there no elevators in this place? Oh, wait – there is one, but Georgy won’t give me the stupid access code! Ugh. Happy Thanksgiving.

You are now knowing all 16 playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. You are excited to begin playoff games, to determine very best American college football teams for 2015 season.

But you must learn patience, because you will wait many weeks for this information. Here is why – in order for Soviet supercomputer to calculate champion teams, is requiring proper data. This data is to include scores from meaningless bowl games named after corporation and games from flawed, inferior College Football Playoff. Only with this data can supercomputer algorithm determine ultimate fate of teams in world of Commie Football.

Is always difficult for spoiled Americans especially, always wanting now, now, now, to understand true meaning of this concept, patience.

Is not so difficult to learn. As example, Soviet citizens is waiting many hours, sometimes days, in middle of winter, standing in long queue to await latest shipment of fresh goat’s milk. And then is only receiving one-half liter, maximum.