Introducing of Intern Kyle

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Here is photograph representation of Intern Kyle.

Here is photograph representation of Intern Kyle.

Following two-week journey by foot and small boat through dangerous taiga, I am meeting new intern at designated rendezvous location. On equally treacherous return journey, I am learning that new intern is nothing like previous Intern Bobby. Name of new intern is Kyle. I will refer to as “Intern Kyle”. You are seeing photo.

Wait. What is this? You are wondering where is Intern Bobby?

Da, Intern Bobby is yet also here. Is more strange situation, every day. After accident with Soviet attack helicopter, and rapid recovery due to experimental medical procedure over short Russian summer, Bobby is finally emerging from bed chamber and returning to old ways. Is meaning – Bobby is eating all of food storage and spending too much time in hot tub. When I am asking Bobby for help in chopping branches from trees for firewood, he is then complaining of sore arms and legs from missile attack, and saying he must rest more in bed chamber.

Report of Staff Member BobbySo, not gonna lie – I don’t remember a whole lot of what’s happened the past few… days? weeks? months? Apparently a Soviet gunship fired missiles at me? All I know is this – I wake up, back in my same old sleeping chamber, it smells horrible, and I’ve got like, IV tubes and wires and bleeps and bloops all over the place, Georgy’s nowhere to be found, I untangle myself and wander into the food storage chamber, and WOW – the kaisha tastes SOOOO GOOOD. I mean, like CRACKROCK good, you know? Took me awhile, but I finally figured out how to stream Netflix through the satellite feed machine, or whatever. Catching up with some old “Friends” – hehe! Of course, now Georgy’s back and he’s got this “Kyle” dude in tow, who’s all like, muscle-y and grunt-grunt-football-ugh. And from Yale, of course. Blegh. Oh, and Georgy says I’ve been kicked out of Harvard or something? He’s so difficult to understand sometimes. Anyway, now he says I owe him “rubles” to cover my healthcare costs, so I’m staying on for a little bit longer as a “member of staff” until I work down my debt. Uh… yay?

Spent the first few days of the internship hiking and hunting wild game. No big deal, really. I mean, I did Outward Bound. I survived two-a-days with Coach Reno. This was pretty easy, except for the night when this giant trout came flying out of the water, knocked Georgy overboard, and I had to hang on to him one-handed AND keep the canoe from overturning. Those were at least Class IV rapids, in the dark. I’d say the hardest part so far was making it to headquarters and finding this skinny-neck Harvard dude here, all doped up on painkillers and spacing in the hot tub. Typical Crimson. Georgy seems like a good boss, though. Took that fish to the jaw like a champ. Can’t understand what he’s saying all the time, but you get the gist.

DIFFICULT SEARCH FOR NEW INTERN

With return of Bobby’s health, I am deciding to make long distance telephone communication with officials at Harvard University in Massachusetts SSR, to discuss situation (also because paperwork to obtain new intern is confusing, and FAQ on Harvard website is useless!). This is when I am learning there is no student with exact name of Bobby in school enrollment record. Crimson official is making claim that Bobby was expected for campus return this past January, but is making stupid mistake to think internship is for full academic year – two semesters instead of one. For this reason, he is expelled from university.

Is outrage! How can supposed prestigious American university of Harvard send inferior, glupyy student for internship? In anger, I am slicing cord on telephone with nearby bayonet.

Then, I am using shortwave radio to make secret contact with sworn enemy of Harvard, University of Yale in Connecticut SSR. There, I am finding perfect intern candidate who is recent member of Yale football team roster. Due to weightlifting injury during springtime training regimen, Intern Kyle is ineligible for playing this upcoming season, instead receiving “red shirt” designation. This “red shirt” is sounding like very good qualification for Commie Football internship, da?

Is easy to see why Kyle is coming from University of Yale – he is looking much like Yale bulldog mascot. Is perhaps short of height little bit, but is having very thick neck and strong arms. Is good for manual labor, less fragile than Intern Bobby. Also hopeful stronger brain, as well.

Already, new Intern Kyle is asking to hunt and kill wild indeyka, to prove worth. I am telling him, “You must have patience, like Soviet sniper at Battle of Stalingrad.”

BOBBY IS DAMAGING SATELLITE FEED

While I am gone for two weeks to retrieve new intern, Bobby is also playing with critical satellite communication equipment, like video game toy! Now, satellite feed is becoming stuck, playing endless loop of idiot American television program, with title “Friends.” Theme song is digging inside head, like KGB torture!

As simple first task, I am asking Intern Kyle to fix satellite feed. I will assign this task after I am finding out conclusion of story, if Ross and Rashel is finding true love. Is seeming impossible at this moment.