Never Forget, Is Also Tier 2 Playoffs!

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With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

With 52-37 upset victory over unbeaten Western Michigan in first round of Tier 2 playoffs, Western Kentucky is finally avenging disrespect of mascot Big Red.

IS INCLUDE MANY EMOTION, LIKE THRILL OF VICTORY, GRIEF OF DEFEAT, AND REVENGE OF OLD FEUD

Is also very exciting American college football playoff games on Tier 2 level. Only difference from Tier 1 playoffs is this: Round 1 (District Championship) game is playing at home stadium of team with better record. Some is liking this better than travel to glamorous location, such as Aloha Bowl in Hawaii SSR.

But many is asking if Commie Football season is too long. I am hearing every day in whining American accent (okay, is Intern Bobby), “But when’s it going to be oooo-ver? And what about the student-ATHletes? You know, STOODENT-athletes? Like, when do they have time to go to CLASS even?”

Is stupid questions. In Commie Football, only 16 of 96 teams is making playoffs on each Tier. So instead of play in meaningless bowl game in Florida SSR or Bahamas SSR, most student-athletes is returning to old pile of hay in university dormitory, sharing sliced, raw skin of potato, and watching playoff games on small communal television.

Here is results of ROUND 1 of 2014 Tier 2 playoffs:

r1-t2-d1District: 1
Location: Amherst, MA
Final Score: UMass 47, Villanova 23
Notes: Embarrassing Week 12 loss to Brown is waking up UMass, who is then pummeling Wildcats of Villanova to win District 1 Championship. Is showing good balance this season of offense and defense, but is maybe flying under radar in weak District? Minutemen is next facing tough Georgia Southern in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d2 District: 2
Location: Boone, NC
Final Score: Appalachian State 33, Richmond 25
Notes: Appalachian State is returning to winning ways this season, beating Spiders of Richmond for second time in four weeks to claim District 2 crown. Mountaineers look only so-so with offense and defense statistics, while Spiders is mere stumbling into playoffs from weak division. Since consecutive losses to New Mexico Lobos (Week 4) and weak Liberty Flames (Week 5), Mountaineers is winning eight games consecutive, and is facing dangerous Texas State Bobcats in Round 2.

r1-t2-d3 District: 3
Location: Statesboro, GA
Final Score: Georgia Southern 44, Coastal Carolina 25
Notes: High-power offense of Georgia Southern is carrying team to victory against mediocre Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina, who is ending season with three-game losing streak and not even in Top Power 25. Eagles is suffering only one loss in Week 11 to Appalachian State, and is carrying strong momentum to battle UMass in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d4 District: 4
Location: Homewood, AL
Final Score: Tulane 41, Samford 18
Notes: Last season, Tulane Green Wave is losing close District 6 Championship game to North Dakota State. This season, team is playing good-enough defense to survive difficult schedule and sneak into playoffs, unranked. Surprise Samford is climbing as high as #3 Top Power rank while opening season 9-0, but is beating many weak teams and eventual losing to Troy (Week 10) and Chattanooga (Week 12), so maybe Bulldogs is not possessing critical skills for playoff competition. Green Wave is making playoff victory look easy, even in visitor stadium. But will not be so easy in Round 2 vs. top-ranked Colorado State.

r1-t2-d5 District: 5
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Final Score: Western Kentucky 52, Western Michigan 37
Notes: All America is yet trying to understand upset of top-ranked, unbeaten Western Michigan! Hilltoppers of WKU is demonstrating angry explosion of #1-rank offense, now winning every game since intense 31-29 loss to WMU (Week 5), and also avenging famous incident involving brutal attack at WKU mascot Big Red. For Broncos, is sudden, disappointing end to exciting season. Sad WMU fans is now turning hope to promotion to Tier 1 for 2015 season. But for WKU fans, dream of championship glory is to continue next week in Round 2 playoff game vs. Illinois State.

r1-t2-d6 District: 6
Location: Normal, IL
Final Score: Illinois State 41, Northern Iowa 21
Notes: Illinois State is rising from obscure corner of Tier 2 this season to slowly climb Top Power 25 ranking, and eventual win strong-like-cold-steel District 6 with #1-rank overall defense. Northern Iowa is also enjoying surprise playoff run, winning division over perennial power North Dakota State, but Panthers offense is no match for ISU. Road for Redbirds is becoming more difficult in Round 2 vs. Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky – when #1 offense is meeting #1 defense in battle for all ages!

r1-t2-d7 District: 7
Location: San Marcos, TX
Final Score: Texas State 60, Stephen F. Austin 22
Notes: Texas State is emerging from three-team dogfight with UTEP and New Mexico Lobos to claim West division title, and also slaying other Texas SSR school, Stephen F. Austin two times this season. SFA is like little brother wanting to enter hard drug trade to idolize older brother, but is instead being beaten by #2 offense of older brother for own good, as strange show of love. And yet, proud Lumberjacks is accomplish rare feat this season – starting as #12 seed in District to make to championship game. Bobcats is climbing as high as #2 Top Power rank this season, losing only to tough Lobos and Louisiana-Monroe, and is facing Appalachian State in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t2-d8District: 8
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Final Score: Colorado State 39, UNLV 29
Notes: Colorado State, in resplendid orange-and-green uniform of old times, is playing like team on critical KGB mission. Last season, Rams is sneaking into Tier 2 playoffs, surprise winning District title over UNLV, surprise upsetting top-seed North Dakota State, and almost surprise beating eventual champion North Texas in Final Four game. This season, is different – Rams is now #1 Top Power rank after repeat beating of UNLV in District 8 Championship. CSU is having very good offense and defense, and playing very difficult schedule, taking down UNLV Rebel team that is even better than last season. CSU will now face lowest-seed Tulane in Round 2 of playoffs. What if history is repeating from last year, only with CSU losing to lowest-seed team? This is irony, da?

Intern Bobby is saying...Blegh. So I’ve been like, *super* groggy and out-of-it ever since Georgy put me to sleep in that hyperbolic chamber thing. I don’t even know how many days I was in there, but it was definitely more than two. AND I’m missing a front tooth! But, Georgy showed me the surveillance tape and it was definitely my own klutzy fault. I told Georgy to erase it, but he’s all like, “Nyet, I will enter into American Funny Home Video competition on television.” I don’t know. It’d kind of be cool to be famous, I guess.

PREPARE FOR ROUND TWO OF PLAYOFFS

Here is schedule for Tier 2/Round 2 playoffs:

  • (1) Colorado State (12-1, #1) vs.
    (8) Tulane (8-5, #20)
  • (2) Georgia Southern (12-1, #2) vs.
    (7) UMass (10-3, #8)
  • (3) Texas State (11-2, #4) vs.
    (6) Appalachian State (11-2, #7)
  • (4) Western Kentucky (11-2, #5) vs.
    (5) Illinois State (11-2, #6)

Look at this schedule. Then, wipe drool from mouth. I am saying this to Intern Bobby often, due to missing tooth and always-running, disgusting drool from mouth.

Is Only Start of Hunt for True College Football Champion

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Premier Putin is again winning Heisman Trophy this season.

Premier Putin is again winning Heisman Trophy this season.

Many fan is thinking that College Football Playoff is exciting finish to season. In truth, is mere prelude to main event – Commie Football Playoff!

Da, CFP is perhaps slight better solution than old, terrible BCS system. Champion team is being determined by miniscule, 4-team playoff, rather than contest of popularity in stupid newspaper poll.

But yet, is many problem. Commie Football is already making strong case in previous blog post here for expansion of college football playoff. This plan is requiring new organization and schedule to make fair for all teams. Only then, can fans of winning team enjoy moment of true, pure udovletvoreniye of champion, before return to work in munitions factory, mining operation, or agricultural collective.

In world of Commie Football, is 16 teams in hunt for eternal championship glory! Two from each geographic District compete in first round of playoffs, which is also serving as District Championship game. Below you are seeing Round 1 results of 2014 playoffs:

r1-t1-d1District: 1
Location: East Rutherford, NJ
Final Score: Penn State 24, Temple 20
Notes: For three seasons consecutive, Nittany Lions is winning District 1 South and making to district championship game, but this victory over Temple Owls is first time winning. Other than strange Week 7 loss to puny Maryland, PSU is enjoying steady, if unspectacular season led by #8-rank defense. With weak schedule, Temple is enjoying unexpected 7-0 start to season, climbing as high as #2 Top Power rank with strong #2-rank defense. But is making stumble down stretch, losing to Arizona State and South Florida, and now this. Penn State will face Ole Miss in second round of playoffs.

r1-t1-d2District: 2
Location: Charlotte, NC
Final Score: Tennessee 32, East Carolina 23
Notes: Volunteers is continuing surprise season, sneaking into Top Power 25 two weeks ago and stealing District 2 South title in final week with shock 24-23 victory over Georgia Bulldogs. Trend is continue with surprise easy win vs. East Carolina, putting brake on Pirates’ #10-rank offense. ECU season is better than expectation, but late-season fading is include losses to NC State and Clemson. Is perhaps foreshadow of playoff failure? Vols is now moving forward to Round 2 to play Ohio State Buckeyes.

r1-t1-d3District: 3
Location: Detroit, MI
Final Score: Ohio State 40, Notre Dame 25
Notes: On third try consecutive, Buckeyes is finally winning District 3, taking down top-ranked Notre Dame, who is flying too close to sun and burning for second time this season. Perhaps Week Ten loss to Louisville is giving OSU plan for victory, because Irish #2-rank offense is no match for #1-rank offense and #4-rank defense of Buckeyes. For Notre Dame, is deep humiliation to see top-rank, 11-1 season flushing down tualet. Ohio State is enjoying perfect 9-0 record in district games, and losing only two close games to playoff winners USC (Week 1) and Penn State (Week 11). But path forward to eternal glory is now requiring Round 2 playoff game vs. Tennessee Volunteers.

r1-t1-d4District: 4
Location: Tampa, FL
Final Score: Ole Miss 24, Florida State 17
Notes: Many fans is thinking this is best game in Tier 1 playoffs, Round 1. Ole Miss Rebels is showing defending 2013 champion Seminoles where is exit door from playoffs, removing District 4 crown as well, on way out. Ole Miss is spending seven weeks of regular season as #1 Top Power rank team, but is suffering humiliation losses to both Memphis (Week 9) and rival Mississippi State (Week 12). However, is also already beating FSU 18-17 in Week 10 and using #1 rank defense to win District 4 West division. FSU is winning many close games, only losing to Miami Hurricanes (Week 9) and Ole Miss, but never have certain je ne sais quoi of champion team. Oh, you are thinking I am only speaking Russian and English language? Am also speaking Frantsuzskiy language (un peu)! Anyway, Ole Miss is now continuing playoff journey to face Nittany Lions of Penn State.

r1-t1-d5District: 5
Location: St. Louis, MO
Final Score: Wisconsin 30, Iowa 26
Notes: Badgers is winning North division title for third year consecutive, and winning second District 5 title in three seasons, using #5-rank defense to hold back these Hawkeyes. When road was difficult for Iowa this season, as against Minnesota and Mizzou, Hawkeyes is usual taking good care of business, but good fortune is now dead. Badgers is unpredictable this season, losing sometimes to weak teams like Kansas Jayhawks (Week 10) and Northern Illinois (Week 12). Will face tough TCU in Round 2 of playoffs.

r1-t1-d6District: 6
Location: Houston, TX
Final Score: TCU 28, Arkansas 24
Notes: Horned Frogs is making revenge for Razorbacks 36-32 victory in Week 5, now hopping on 7-game win streak. TCU is also climbing to #2 Top Power rank, with balanced #4-rank offense and #10-rank defense. Razorbacks is remaining in Top Power 25 for entire season, but cannot repeat glory of Week 5. Is good season, only with stain of ignoble 36-26 loss to lowly Louisiana Tech in Week 7. Horned Frogs now advance to Round 2 of playoffs vs. Wisconsin.

r1-t1-d7District: 7
Location: Glendale, AZ
Final Score: Oklahoma 43, BYU 33
Notes: In Week 10, BYU is handing Sooners humiliation 40-21 defeat, but Sooners is now tasting revenge! Oklahoma is using #8-rank offense to stay two step ahead of #13-rank BYU offense and win weak District 7, also claiming #8 seed in Round 2 of playoffs. Will OU continue strong play, as in victories over Penn State (Week 8), Oklahoma State (Week 12) and Alabama (Week 1), or like poor dust bowl farmers in losses to Air Force (Week 5), Utah (Week 6) and Texas (Week 11)? Top-ranked Oregon is finding out next week!

r1-t1-d8District: 8
Location: San Jose, CA
Final Score: Oregon 38, USC 28
Notes: Oregon is winning third consecutive District 8 Championship, and taking position as #1 Top Power team and top seed heading into Round 2 of playoffs. Ducks is having #3-rank offense, although defense is not as good. Yet, after early losses to Cal (Week 2) and UCLA (Week 5), Oregon is now winning eight straight games, and will face lowest-seed Oklahoma in Round 2. For USC, is second loss this season to North division nemesis Ducks. Oh, and no fan of Trojans is ever forgetting embarrassing loss to San Diego State in final regular season game.

YOU ARE WANTING MORE, ALREADY? ROUND 1 IS NOT YET FINISH.

In next day or two, after Intern Bobby is full waking from accidental too-long sleeping in hyperbaric sleep chamber, we will post review of first round of Tier 2 playoffs, which is identical in organization to Tier 1.

Then, next week is second round of playoffs, when remaining teams is seeded 1-to-8, based on latest Top Power rank. Highest-seed team is playing lowest-seed team, and so forth. To make old people happy, seven remaining games is played in traditional bowl game location: [from east to west: Orange (FL), Peach (GA), Sugar (LA), Cotton (TX), Fiesta (AZ), Rose (CA), and Aloha (HI)]. Higher-seed team in matchup is choosing location for each game.

Here is Round 2 schedule:

  • (1) Oregon (11-2, #1) vs. (8) Oklahoma (9-4, #17) – Aloha Bowl
  • (2) TCU (11-2, #2) vs. (7) Wisconsin (9-4, #14) – Cotton Bowl
  • (3) Ohio State (11-2, #3) vs. (6) Tennessee (10-3, #10) – Peach Bowl
  • (4) Ole Miss (11-2, #4) vs. (5) Penn State (10-3, #9) – Sugar Bowl

Is making sense, Oregon is choosing Hawaii vacation first. This is leaving Orange, Fiesta, and Rose as remaining game locations.

Is Beginning To Look Very Much Like Orthodox Christmas

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Is Russian folk legend of "Karl Marx Klaus," who is flying in red jumpsuit on R-5 Pobeda ballistic missile to every home of Russian child on Orthodox Christmas Eve. There, he is leaving small gift for good child, and taking naughty child to work in Kuznetsk coal mine.

Is Russian folk legend of “Karl Marx Klaus,” who is flying in red jumpsuit on R-5 Pobeda ballistic missile to every home of Russian child on Orthodox Christmas Eve. There, he is leaving small gift for good child, and taking naughty child to work in Kuznetsk coal mine.

Is today Orthodox Christmas Day. Intern Bobby is snuggling in warm hyperbaric sleep chamber, where I am awaking from long, nearly one-fortnight hibernation only yesterday, one or two days earlier than plan. This is because Bobby is puncturing chamber wall with old bayonet. And why? He is becoming panic when food storage unit is running low on Ukrainian walnut butter!

With puncture, super-rich oxygen gas is escaping sleep chamber with sudden force. Bobby is falling and hitting head on metal pipe, opening small wound. Sight of own blood is then causing Bobby to faint, falling forward and smashing face on other small faucet, breaking front tooth. After, I am performing dental surgery, using vodka-drenched serviette for anesthesia.

Now, Bobby is resting with comfort in chamber. Is my gift to him for Orthodox Christmas.

Intern Bobby is very proud to carve wooden footballs as gift to me this Orthodox Christmas. One is burning in fire, and other is crushing wild wolf skull during attack.

Intern Bobby is very proud to carve wooden footballs as gift to me this Orthodox Christmas. One is burning in fire, and other is crushing wild wolf skull during attack.

For gift to me, Bobby is giving hand-carved wooden footballs (see photo). Is being very thoughtful gift, but is unfortunate, because when I am gathering wood for primary furnace, first football is with accident rolling into white-hot furnace oven. Is impossible to save. Then, when I am hiking into snowy forest to chop more trees for wood, I am having to throw second wooden football in defense against large pack of angry, wild wolves and yenot.

But enough of friendly talk about holiday, because…

LONG, COLD WAIT IS OVER (ALMOST)

Commie Football playoffs is beginning next week. Here is review of playoff teams on both Tier 1 and Tier 2 levels. First round is District Championship game:

TIER 1

  • District 1: Temple (10-2, #9) vs. Penn State (9-3, #14)
  • District 2: East Carolina (9-3, #16) vs. Tennessee (9-3, #18)
  • District 3: Notre Dame (11-1, #1) vs. Ohio State (10-2, #4)
  • District 4: Florida State (10-2, #5) vs. Ole Miss (10-2, #6)
  • District 5: Wisconsin (8-4, #22) vs. Iowa (8-4, unranked)
  • District 6: Arkansas (10-2, #7) vs. TCU (10-2, #3)
  • District 7: Oklahoma (8-4, #25) vs. BYU (8-4, #23)
  • District 8: Oregon (10-2, #2) vs. USC (10-2, #8)

TIER 2

  • District 1: UMass (9-3, #11) vs. Villanova (9-3, #14)
  • District 2: Richmond (8-4, unranked) vs. Appalachian State (10-2, #7)
  • District 3: Coastal Carolina (8-4, #24) vs. Georgia Southern (11-1, #3)
  • District 4: Samford (10-2, #8) vs. Tulane (7-5, unranked)
  • District 5: Western Michigan (12-0, #1) vs. Western Kentucky (10-2, #5)
  • District 6: Northern Iowa (9-3, #17) vs. Illinois State (10-2, #6)
  • District 7: Stephen F. Austin (8-4, unranked) vs. Texas State (10-2, #4)
  • District 8: Colorado State (11-1, #2) vs. UNLV (9-3, #15)

Results of only true, fair college football playoff games will post here in one week’s time. I am hoping Intern Bobby is waking before then, because furnace will require additional firewood from forest, and is his turn to face rabid wolves and yenot.