Is difficult week. During severe blizzard, pack of rabid yenot (Intern Bobby is saying this is like American raccoon) is again attacking Commie Football headquarter in try to kill, maybe eat Bobby. Attack is also damaging steam-power server and many critical equipment for running website.
Many is meeting death by bayonet, but is too many yenot. One night, hungry creature is chewing through petrol line, causing fire. I am instructing Bobby to rescue computer equipment and critical electronic files, but he is running to hide in latrine. For this reason, headquarter shack is burning to ground, like 1812 Fire of Moscow. Is good luck for Bobby I am rescuing few computer equipment, bayonets, and provision for long journey on feet through cold forest to secret, secondary headquarter. For critical electronic files, is lucky I am using storage/backup solution in Internet cloud.
Is taking three days to make journey in deep snow. I am giving extra food to Bobby. If intern is dying during internship, is possible for many legal troubles. While carrying 40 kilo in equipment, I am falling into crevasse, injuring leg and lower back. Am using Ethernet cable as rope and harness for lift out myself. Then, I am seeing Bobby is having bad shivers, so I am giving extra clothing. For this reason, I am later having frost-biting and needing to remove dead, gangrene skin from lower leg, with bayonet.
Later same day, I am asking Bobby for small drink of vodka to make warm inside stomach. He is instead giving me jar of petrol. Is saying “by accident.” On next day, I am seeing many strange vision. Most vivid vision is Condoleezza Rice (see photograph above), who is saying to me that secondary base is in slight different direction. Condi is also reading Manifesto, and is agreeing Commie Football is superior system to unfair College Football Playoff, and is making secret plan: as CFP committee member, Condi is using lethal combination of superior intellect, diplomatic expertise, and classical piano playing to agitate for 16-team playoff system. I am explaining of additional necessary reforms to college football schedule and organization, but Condi is not listen. Instead is playing beautiful piano medley of music by greatest composers of all times, Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninoff. Condi is like angel….
But pleasant experience is ending sudden, when Bobby is loud falling on rucksack containing metal items and many jars of glass. Is including fresh water for drinking, waste water to prevent wolves from tracking smell, and last of petrol. Great noise and foul odor is attracting attention of nearby wolf pack.
But with help of Condi vision, we are soon near location of hidden trap door to new Commie Football headquarter. Is difficult to find during great blizzard storm, but Bobby is helping with discovery when falling three meters through rusted ventilation cover into privy chamber.
SURRENDER? OCHEN’ NYET!
Because fire disaster is in December, after end of regular season, is yet much time to make total recovery before Commie Football playoffs is beginning in January.
Furnace at new headquarter is frozen. I am ordering Bobby to chisel ice, dig fresh coal from small mining chamber, and build fire in oven of furnace.
But first, lazy Intern Bobby is having to halt current activity – endless feast of emergency food supplies from cold storage chamber and making loud singing in hot tub!