You Will Wait & You Will Like

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Here is photo of Russian supercomputer calculating Top Power 25 ranking for end of regular season.

Here is photo of Russian supercomputer calculating Top Power 25 ranking for end of regular season.

For Those Who Are Waiting, Is Good Things To Come For You!

Many college football fans is waiting with short breath for Commie Football playoffs. Maybe is hoping to win rubles in wager made with good friends while enjoying vodka drink.

Now, here is thing. In order for Russian supercomputer to calculate scores for Commie Football playoff games, it is needing proper data for input. This data is coming in form of scores from American college football bowl games, including very hated BCS championship.

Is all way of saying this… fans is having to be patient for little while (until after stupid BCS bowl games) before Commie Football playoff results is being calculated by supercomputer and posted to website. In meantime, you are enjoying Top Power 25, new map, and final regular season standings.

Is all okay. Russian people are famous all over world for patience, waiting many hours or days in line for good loaf of bread, as one example of this.

Regular Season is Finish! Next is Playoff!

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Lenin is first to bring concept of playoff to American football.

Lenin is first to bring concept of playoff to American college football.

Week 12 was final week of Commie Football regular season (here you see scores). Is seeming like only yesterday when Utah State Aggies is winning 2012 championship by single point in upset over Alabama Crimson Tide and is becoming underdog toast of all American college football fan!

But nyet, is old news from previous season. In 2013 season, Aggies is not even winning District 7 South Division, is not making playoff, and so country is soon crowning new champion of all American college football!

In old BCS system, by this time of college football season is only 2 or 3 teams thinking about true chance for national championship. In new Commie Football playoff system, is 16 TEAMS in hunt for title! And best yet, because of system of Districts, football fans in all parts of country are having nearby team who is hunting for championship!  (Please, if you will go and look at map.) Is more excitement for all college football fans!

In Commie Football playoff:

  1. 16 teams (from each Tier) are making to playoff. Each Division winner is first facing other Division winner from same District.
  2. In Round 2, eight District Champions are playing each other in single-elimination tournament to determine new champion.
  3. Round 3, is four teams left.
  4. National Championship Game

You see, like all other normal, sporting leagues with logic in whole world! Is fair, difficult road for all champions to travel in finding ultimate glory and honor.

You are asking – “Really are these 16 teams the very best teams in American college football this season?” Is famous saying in Russia – “Shila v meske ne utaish” which is meaning “You cannot hide an awl in a sack.” which is meaning true strength and weakness of all teams is always being discovered.

Also in Russia, is another saying: “Vsyakomu ovoshchu svoyo vremya.” Is meaning “Every vegetable has its time.” Who will be champion American college football team of 2013 season, like ripe vegetable?

So, without any of – now, this is French word, not Russian word – adieu! Here is all Tier 1 and Tier 2 teams that is winning Division and making to District Championship Game, also being known as Round 1 of Commie Football playoffs (W-L record, Top Power rank):

Tier 1: District Championship Games

  • District 1: Boston College (9-3, #16) vs. Penn State (9-3, #17)
  • District 2: Virginia Tech (9-3, #15) vs. Louisville (11-1, #3)
  • District 3: Michigan State (10-2, #9) vs. Ohio State (9-3, #13)
  • District 4: Florida State (11-1, #2) vs. Alabama (10-2, #6)
  • District 5: Wisconsin (8-4, #20) vs. Missouri (10-2, #8)
  • District 6: Oklahoma State (11-1, #4) vs. Houston (9-3, #18)
  • District 7: Baylor (12-0, #1) vs. Boise State (8-4, #24)
  • District 8: Oregon (10-2, #5) vs. UCLA (9-3, #12)

Tier 2: District Championship Games

  • District 1: Maine (10-2, #6) vs. Princeton (7-5, unranked)
  • District 2: Towson (9-3, #12) vs. Coastal Carolina (9-3, #16)
  • District 3: South Carolina State (11-1, #3) vs. Florida Atlantic (9-3, #14)
  • District 4: Chattanooga (9-3, #15) vs. Memphis (10-2, #4)
  • District 5: Buffalo (9-3, #7) vs. Eastern Illinois (10-2, #5)
  • District 6: North Dakota State (11-1, #1) vs. Tulane (9-4, #17)
  • District 7: North Texas (11-1, #2) vs. UTSA (9-3, #9)
  • District 8: Colorado State (8-4, #18) vs. UNLV (7-5, unranked)

Keep tuned to blog for preview/full information for these games.

Week 11: Who is Most Hungry for Playoff Chance?

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Here is photo of traditional victory dance performer after Florida State Seminoles is clinching spot in District 4 Championship game.

Here is photo of traditional victory dance performer after Florida State Seminoles is clinching spot in District 4 Championship game.

Week 11 is when Commie Football season is getting down to brass gvozd! Going into weekend, is 12 of 16 playoff spots still open, so many teams is fighting hard and pressure is of much intense. Some is finding way to win key games and make into playoffs, but other teams is curling into ball like runt wolf pup, and is being pushed out of warm den into cold Siberia wind and snow, where teams is not making playoffs.

Here is playoff rundown:

  • District 1: After losing three in row, Penn State (8-3, #17) is finally doing just so much to make playoffs in South Division, barely beating weak Temple Owls (5-6) 26-20. Boston College Eagles (8-3, #16) is already North Division champ, but is also limping into playoffs – is being spanked in Week 11 53-23 by Clemson Tigers (7-4), like naughty orphan child. District 1 is looking like maybe weakest District.
  • District 2 Championship game teams is set after Week 11! North Division champ Virginia Tech Hokies (9-2, #13) is putting 44-19 beating on rival Cavaliers of Virginia (5-6). Louisville Cardinals (10-1, #3) is clinching South Division (and glorious Keg of Nails Trophy!) with 28-19 win over Cincinnati Bearcats (7-4, #23). Playoff dream of South Carolina Gamecocks (7-4, #20) is dead like Crimean soldier after 27-24 loss to Georgia Tech (7-4).
  • District 3: Spartans of Michigan State (9-2, #9) is clinching District 3 North Division with 39-25 victory over Fighting Illini (3-9). (Also is because of Week 9 win over Wolverines, is holding tiebreaker.) Ohio State Buckeyes (9-2, #7) is handling pesky Pitt Panthers (4-7) 32-23, is also clinching District 3 South. Final game of season next week vs. Bearcats is not mattering now. Wolverines of Michigan (8-3, #15) is barely beating Northwestern (7-4) 22-20, but is too late, too little!
  • In District 4, LSU (9-2, #12) is blowing it in Week 11! Is losing 31-25 to weak Arkansas Razorbacks (5-6), and is handing East Division title to Florida State Seminoles (10-1, #2)! Noles (10-1, #2) is winning 41-29 vs. Auburn (7-4), so clinching East and ruining Tiger playoff hopes! Crimson Tide (9-2, #6) is winning eighth game in row, 47-20 vs. Volunteers of Tennessee (2-9), and is clinching West Division. District 4 is very strong District, like iron!
  • With District 5 playoff spot on line, Badgers of Wisconsin (7-4, #24) is choking 28-20 in upset to Iowa Hawkeyes (6-5). Is now three-way tie in District 5 North between Wisconsin, Northwestern, and surprise Huskies of Northern Illinois, who is benefit from weak schedule, beating Ohio Bobcats (2-9) 45-20 in Week 11, and is catching up to top of North Division!
  • District 6: In Week 11 battle of top teams, Oklahoma State (10-1, #4) is winning 30-27 vs. District 5 South champ Mizzou (9-2, #10). Cowboys is so clinching playoff spot over Oklahoma Sooners (9-2, #11), who is losing in 29-12 upset to old rival Cornhuskers of Nebraska (5-6). In South Division, Houston Cougars (8-3) is losing 20-15 to TCU Horned Frogs (6-5) but is not matter – is clinching Division title and playoff spot because Rice Owls (7-4) is losing 30-24 to SMU (4-7).
  • District 7: Unbeaten, #1 Top Power rank Baylor Bears (10-0, #1) is telling Longhorns of Texas (3-8) who is new best sheriff of Texas administrative district, winning 41-29. In North Division, BYU (6-5) is watching playoff spot slip away after stupid 29-25 upset loss to weak San Jose State (3-8). 2012 champion Aggies of Utah State (6-5) is also losing to 41-24 to Oregon State Beavers (6-5). This is putting Boise State Broncos (7-4) back on top of Division after huge 28-25 upset win over Oregon Ducks (9-2, #5)! Final game of regular season between Boise State and Utah State will determine fate of Division!
  • District 8: Oregon loss to Boise is not matter, because is already clinching North Division. In South, Stanford (9-2, #8) is now in lead after 44-24 Week 11 win vs. rival Golden Bears of Cal (4-7). Meanwhile, UCLA Bruins (8-3, #14) is losing bad, 43-19 to Washington Huskies (7-4, #22). Is all coming down to final game between Cardinal and Bruins!
Here is traditional victory dance performance after Buffalo Bulls is crushing Black Bears of Maine to earn Tier 2/District 5 East Division title.

Here is traditional victory dance performance after Buffalo Bulls is crushing Black Bears of Maine to earn Tier 2/District 5 East Division title.

Meanwhile, is also much action on Tier 2:

  • District 1: Most shocking game is savage 51-11 beatdown Buffalo Bulls (8-3, #7) is putting on District 1 North champion Maine Bears (9-2, #6), as if Maine is sleeping to rest before playoffs. In South Division, Princeton Tigers and Penn is tied for lead with 6-5 record. But if no team is winning 7th game next week, this playoff spot is instead going to highest rank Top Power team that is NOT earning automatic playoff spot (you are remembering that playoffs is not place for losers)!
  • District 2 North Division is crowded like line for bread! Towson (#13) and Old Dominion (#12) is tied with 8-3 record, with William & Mary (#24) and Richmond Spiders just behind at 7-4. Final week will tell story. Meanwhile, South Division champ Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (8-3) is only losing games after clinching Division weeks ago! CCU is now dropping whole way to #19 in Top Power rank, when was once #1!
  • District 3: South Division title is all coming down to game next week between Troy Trojans (8-3, #14) and Florida Atlantic Owls (8-3, #18). South Carolina State (10-1, #3) is already clinched North Division.
  • District 4: Chattanooga Mocs (8-3, #17) is clinching North Division with 24-17 victory over Bethune Cookman (4-7). Memphis Tigers (9-2) is moving up to #4 Top Power rank and is clinching South Division after 20-16 victory over Southern Miss (5-6). Is holding tiebreaker over Tennessee-Martin (8-3, #15) because of Week 7 head-to-head victory.
  • District 5: Buffalo (8-3) is jumping to #7 Top Power rank after huge victory and is winning East Division. Cinderella Panthers of Eastern Illinois (9-2, #5), who is only just being promoted to Tier 2 this season, is surprise winner of West Division after 32-18 Week 11 win over rival Western Illinois (5-6).
  • District 6: North Dakota State (10-1, #1 Top Rank) will play Tulane (8-3, #9) in first round of playoffs (District 6 Championship), is enjoying 26-15 win over Wyoming Cowboys (5-6). Meanwhile, Green Wave is losing big 40-22 to McNeese State (7-4), but is not mattering for playoff position.
  • District 7: Mean Green of North Texas (10-1, #2) is already winning North Division, but South is tie! UTSA (8-3, #11) is blowing chance to clinch with pathetic 25-8 beatdown by desperate Cal Poly (7-4). Lumberjacks of Northern Arizona (8-3, #16) is moving into tie and is UTSA vs. NAU next week to determine Division winner!
  • District 8: Colorado State Rams (7-4, #21) is taking control of North Division after 49-32 victory over Hawaii Rainbow Warriors (6-5). Also Vandals of Idaho (6-5) is being humiliate crushed by New Mexico Lobos (5-6), losing 75-28! UNLV (7-4, #25) is beating UTEP (5-6) 45-10, but is tied with Cal Poly in South Division at 7-4.

Next week is final week of Commie Football regular season! What teams will fight for victory and emerge from football field of battle with glorious playoff spot in hands?

In Russia, Only Blackout is From Too Much Vodka

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Is no surprise to Commie Football that Baylor Bears is having very good season – after all, Baylor is #1 Top Power team for many weeks now! But over past few days, Commie Football is having debate on Twitter about Baylor wearing “blackout” uniforms when playing big Thursday night primetime game against Sooners of Oklahoma. Fans of Baylor is all very excited to see #EveryoneInBlack and is saying “Here is best way to making big impression on national stage!” Baylor is winning this football game, so fan is happy and slapping hands on other fan’s back. Is wearing black making Baylor so scary that Sooners is too scared to play football game right way?

Here is EIGHT REASONS why Commie Football is thinking this is terrible trend:

1. Is unoriginal. Already is so many college football teams trying to make themselves look or play somehow better by wearing special “blackout” uniform. Simple Google Image search is showing how many teams is jumping on same bandwagon: Baylor, Oregon, BYU, UCLA, Northwestern, Boise State, Fresno State, Stanford, WashingtonEast Carolina, North Carolina, Utah, Virginia Tech, Arizona State, Louisiana-Lafayette, Texas A&M, Duke, Mississippi State, Rutgers, Ohio University, and this is only quick search! List is not even include teams only wearing nonsense all-black uniform except helmet, like Tennessee, Kentucky, Nebraska, and Tulane! Is more understanding, maybe even okay, when black is already traditional school color, like for TCU Horned Frogs or Colorado Buffaloes, but for all others is already old, tired cliche! Every new team saying “let’s do blackout!” is late to party! By the way, you notice about this list? None of these teams is winning recent championship! Maybe black uniform is curse?

In Russia, sports team is only wearing blackout uniform when playing game immediately following 18-hour shift at coal mine in Ural Mountains.

In Russia, sports team is only wearing blackout uniform when playing game immediately following 18-hour shift at coal mine in Ural Mountains.

2. Is disrespectful to tradition. Sometimes university is picking official colors many years ago, and fans/players are not liking these colors and are wishing team could be in different colors. Well, IS TOO BAD!  Is like flag of your country – if you are loving this school, then you must respect these colors and not change colors like willy-nilly. Many football players from this school is having played in these colors and is experiencing both glory and pain on gridiron! When school like Baylor, who is having very good traditional green and gold colors, is changing to black just because is “looking cool” – is disrespect to all past Baylor players and students!

3. Is disrespectful to history. Some fans is saying “Baylor has been a losing football program for many years. This is new type of football team for new era!” To this Commie Football is saying – is impossible to change or forget team’s history of losing only by changing uniform colors! If green/gold is meaning “losing” to team, then here is chance to change what colors are meaning! For fan who is seeing green/gold as losing colors, winning is now even more sweet! Every team is having history that is due respect, win or lose! If you are loser for many years, and now you are winning? Is even better! If nobody is respecting old teams or school colors, then school should change colors every time it is losing!

4. Is desperate for attention, like child. Some fans is saying, “Oh, the young players and the recruits all LOVE the black uniforms!” So opinion of fickle teenagers is superior to opinion of grown-ups and fans of many generations? Spoiled teenagers should be getting all they want, when they want? But if every team is wearing black uniform then who is teenager recruits going to pick? Is harder and harder choice every year! Is every team in country now expecting to wear special “blackout” uniform when is having big, important game? Big game is always meaning new uniform because how are you going to attract attention of teenagers?

As famous English poet Stepan Morrissey is saying, "I am wearing black on outside, because black is how I am feeling on inside."

As famous English poet Stepan Morrissey is saying, “I am wearing black on outside, because black is how I am feeling on inside.”

5. Is sign of insecurity. Is team feeling insecure in old “boring” uniform? You know who is NOT wearing stupid blackout uniforms? Many perennial powerhouse teams (and recent national champions) in country – Oklahoma, Florida, Ohio State, LSU, Penn State, USC, Texas, Notre Dame, Michigan – is not needing gimmick black uniform to attract recruits. Strength of program itself – including proud, traditional colors – is enough for recruiting top players! Not wearing latest fashion trend, or new fancy haircut to impress teenage girls in school cafeteria! This is what a “uniform” is representing! Not something you are changing whenever wind of trends is blowing this way or that way! Unnecessary blackout uniform is sign of weakness and insecurity. School is needing novelty to make fans excited. Irony is that traditional powerhouse schools are maybe only ones for who wearing special blackout uniform is not hurting overall brand. But if your campus is unattractive dump and football team is always bad and coaching is bad and school has nothing special to attract recruits, then black uniform is not helping you anyways!

6. Is capitalist plot. Anyone with brain is knowing why black uniform trend is so catching on – because is making money for pockets of rich school and uniform manufacturer with merchandise sales. Of course, if everyone had brain then they would not be running to Internet to buy new black uniform when is going on sale for $51.96.

7. Is bad for school brand. Oh, I am east coast casual football fan and was watching game on TV Thursday night – Oklahoma was looking bad. Sooners were losing game to… uh… was it Colorado? Or Missouri? Or Purdue? Some team who is looking like ink smudge from Midwest.” Okay, maybe you are not caring what casual fan on east coast is thinking. How about parents of star football recruit from Florida who is confused over who school is? Or AP Poll voter who is not knowing much about college football besides powerhouse schools? Hardcore fan in Waco is finding hard to believe… but most of nation is only having little idea what Baylor is looking like! In minds of people, color is always having strong link with school brand – color is main thing many people are remembering about teams. Changing color to anonymous #2 lead pencil is not helping people remember which school is who!

8. Is very – as American teenager is saying – “FUGLY”. Blackout? Is more like BLEGHK-out! Uniforms is looking very ugly. Is looking like uniform is accidentally being dropped into Yugra oil well, then drying in smoke from burning rubble of Stalingrad after Nazi invasion! Now is modern 2013 – not black-and-white photograph from time of Russian Revolution! Commie Football is liking to see colors!

You are thinking this opinion is too strong? Commie Football is not alone: